


A Rogue’s Desire

by CrazyKitty1990



Series: Tara Trevelyan; The Raven of Kirkwall [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Confident Cullen, Confident Cullen Rutherford, Coping, Cullen Fluff, Cullen Rutherford Fluff, Cullen Smut, Custom Trevelyan, Drama, Drama & Romance, Drinking to Cope, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Issues, Female Protagonist, Flirting, Haven (Dragon Age), Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Lyrium, Lyrium Withdrawal, Minor Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Sexual Content, Skyhold, Slow Burn, Sparring, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Val Royeaux
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-10-06 14:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10336860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyKitty1990/pseuds/CrazyKitty1990
Summary: Tara Trevelyan; The Raven of Kirkwall has gotten in a bit of a mess. She went to the conclave to get her father off her back for a few weeks. She ends up at the center of a massive organization and is asked to save the world. She is thankful for the familiar face along the way, a handsome knight-commander who was her main pursuer in Kirkwall. it's a small world in Thedas.





	1. The Breach

### Prologue

 **Maker!**  
I had always believed I was doing his work with my crimes and charity to others who just wanted more out of life or who just wanted to get out of the dirt.  
My fellow nobles always forgot others and keeping them down and trodden. Like my father, who would prefer that I sit playing the "game", sipping tea, marrying some rich duke’s first born son in Orlais and paying tithes to the chantry for the rest of my life; like my siblings.  
Instead, I took to the streets as The Raven of Kirkwall helping where I could, taking out thugs, doing jobs, and taking magical artifacts from those who didn't need or deserve them. Magic is meant to serve man not rule over him, after all. But, of course, I had to be curious when My family wanted to send me to Haven to attend this "Conclave" or as my father had tacked on, 'Be truly disowned'; Not like I much cared about his threats.  
I just went because it had to be another way to help those less fortunate. This civil war was going nowhere and it was just harming those who had no way to save themselves. Of course, my father saw this as a means to an end hoping I would either run off; again, to save his reputation or find some noble that I would not try to stab when he gives me away; like that will ever happen. I had love but he was no longer in my life. Not that I didn't try to find him but, when a man like him does not want to be found... It's best to I leave him alone. He deserves better than me.  
Hopefully, today goes well, I would hate not to make a good first impression.

### The Breach

 I awoke to the feeling of a burlap sack and a smelly, cold, dank interrogation cell if the cold bindings on my hands could tell me anything. Just great I decide 'let's do something legit for once Tara' and I still end up in chains...  
Well instead of just sitting here waiting for some interrogator with a bloated case of righteousness to come along. I need get out. Hoping, as I blindly searched around on my leg, trying to get to where I had placed my kit. Finding it, thankfully it was there. Well the idiot they had search me didn't think that I would have tools in places other than my belt. I slowly pulled out one of my small knives starting to carefully cut out a gash in the sack. I need to see what I was dealing with.  
After what seemed like forever I had finally made just enough of a dent in the sack to see at least some of my predicament. Well for the most of it I was right. A dark cold dungeon with two guards at the door one of which was falling asleep at his post. I hate dungeons. I glanced down; thankfully my bindings looked like a simple pair of bar cuffs And blessed. the guards like most men are terrible judge of size and I can easily slip my hands out of these. As for the green glowing mark on my left hand, I didn't want to start worrying about it until I was out of here and at a nice inn.  
Attempting to be as quiet as possible, I folded in my thumbs and slowly worked my wrist out of the cuffs using my knee for leverage. my wrist finally gave through I raised my other hand to stop the cuffs from making any noise on the cold stone floor.  
More reasons to hate dungeons. Slowly grabbing the small dagger I kept in my boot I cut my ankle bindings. Finally being able to sneak to the side of the door I worked my other wrist through the bar cuffs. Once I freed myself of the bar. I stepped out from my hiding spot behind the "awake" guard, knocking him in the head with the cuffs. The sleeping guard was awake just long enough to see himself getting the same treatment. Checking for life signs I knew this would only give me a few hours at the most. I shifted around on one of the guards finding the key to the cuffs, taking the guards sword hands I locked them together hard to chase when you have a parter to contend with. Once the cuffs were secure I started checking all the chests in the hall; no sight of my gear to be found except for one dagger, elfroot, and a well-leafed through a copy of Hard in Hightown. Useless, unless I wanted to read while waiting to be caught. I let out a long breath. Not much to work with.  
Quickly making my way to the staircase I could only assume was the exit. I was greeted with a not so pleasant sight. Four more guards and two women I could only assume were my captors. The first woman definitely looked like my righteous interrogator, with her armor, short black hair, and her stern pale face. Her companion though looked familiar, silent and hooded I already knew she was the most dangerous of the lot.  
"Sigh, well guys I know when I am had." bowing for a moment; no other exits. Damn. I looked back at the ladies who did not seem like the merciful sort.  
"Tara Trevelyan at your service, so who sent you? My family? Orlais? Ferelden? Kirkwall?" I asked trying my best to not to show how bad this was. When in doubt bluff or tell a story.  
The righteous one motioned the guards to grab my arms, As I was still trying to place her companion. I wish I had my powders right now or they would never have seen me.  
"I think I will be the one asking the questions. So tell me why we shouldn't kill you now?" The righteous one said bitterly. The guard grabbed my wrist roughly and bound me… Again.  
I kept silent since I had no clue as to what I was being accused of. She grabbed my hand with the glowing mark.  
"How do you explain this?!" she growled.

 

 

I told her all I could remember that I was being chased by things… with many eyes and a woman… yanking my hand to safety. Hopefully, that information alone was enough to remove the suspicion or at least to get my hand back. She released my hand the welts showing where her hand was. I was about to protest when her companion Decided to chime in.

“We need her, Cassandra.” She said calmly her Orlesian accent only slightly pronounced. Her red hair shimmered as she stepped into the torchlight. She continued to walk up to me her steps light but steady. She had to have been a bard, and not the “I sing songs” kind of bard. More like I am going to play you a tune and then take all your secrets type of bard.  
Cassandra clenching her fist and looking like if she had her way I would be spending the rest of my days in chains. For a beacon of the law, she is rather quick to blame anyone. She looked away from me. Her companion turned to face her.  
“Go to the forward camp, Liliana. I will take her to the rift,” Cassandra said while returning her gaze to myself. Liliana wasn’t she one of the hero of Ferelden’s companions. No wonder she looked familiar, we sold a lot of the portraits of them when the news rang out that the blight was over. She looked happier then... I thought as she walked off, I was curious,

“What happened at the Conclave? And What in Thedas is a rift!?” I asked Cassandra, who just looked me and motioned that I follow, “It will be easier to show you.”  
Once out of the dungeon I realized I was in a Chantry, candles lit the hall reflecting off the stone pillars. The high ceilings filtered in light from above and birds were taking shelter in the rafters. We walked down the hall my boots clicking on the smooth stone floors and the soft jingle of Cassandra's chainmail echoing in the great hall. I took in the simple adornments, this was a chantry after my own heart very simple with none of the ostentatious gold filigree and murals. Had I known of this place I may have gone to service more often.

Cassandra opened the doors and led me out of the chantry. I squinted my eyes. The light was glaring off the snow, evergreen firs surrounded what looked like a small town.it was littered with tents. I looked up, and I saw the problem. A large green vortex devouring the sky. Well... Shit. Now I can see why I was detained, they need someone to blame... for that. What it didn't explain was why they needed me still.

Cassandra led me past the encampments and explained how I literally stepped out of the fade, unharmed. Sort of. That I was the only survivor of the disaster that destroyed the Conclave. I followed Cassandra past the townsfolk; they all looked like they wanted to kill me. I guess they will have to wait their turn. My mind was still troubled at the thought that I actually survived what they were calling The Breach. I looked at the palm of my left hand closely, I was unnerved by the green glow it shared with the sky. I can only hope Fennic made it out alright. Hopefully, she is just laying low waiting for me. that's if they free me, I glanced back at Cassandra's sword. Yeah, not running....

Cassandra watched me intently, the suspicion slowly fading from her face as she saw me comparing the two marks. I’m no mage, how could they think I caused any of this? I thought as we finally reached the gate. Cassandra turned to me and told me that I would be tried as she freed my hands. The trial was not as surprising as her trust in freeing my hands. But I was now involved with this if they liked it or not. This is a problem for all of Thedas. As we hiked to the forward camp, dealing with collapsing bridges and stumbling upon trails of mangled corpses. The smell of their fresh blood reminding me of the deaths that must have occurred here. I had learned that as the breach grows my mark grows too, and it does not feel too pleasant.  
Cassandra had reluctantly trusted me with some daggers and potions after a fight with demons from the breach. We had just dispatched another group when Cassandra shouted to me "We are getting close to the rift, you can hear the fighting!” Ah great, more people and more weird shit. "Who's Fighting?" I asked. She sped up the stairs “You shall see soon, we must help them".  
When we reached the top of the stairs Cassandra rushed to join what looked like an elf apostate, a Familiar dwarf with his odd crossbow and two soldiers in fighting off the demons. That was not the weird bit I thought as I jumped in to assist. The weird bit was the big glowing crystal overhead the entire battle. It was the same green hue as my mark.  
I backstabbed a shade as we finished off the demons it was only Cassandra, the elf, Varric and myself left now.

I was about to clean my blades when the elf suddenly jerked my left hand and held it up at the crystal which had opened into a large hole. "Quickly before more come through!" he cried. My hand suddenly burst out a beam of green light at the hole and with a sudden blast the hole was gone as though it was never there, the only evidence was the light pain in my palm. I looked at the mage; he looked like some of the hedge mages I had seen around the free marches. His face had strong features and sadly seemed to resemble one of my father’s favorite treats, an egg. Keeping these observations to myself “What did you do?"  
"I did nothing. The credit is yours," he said calmly. How could he be so calm with demons raining down around us?  
I looked down at my hand "well at least this thing is good for something." Yes apparently to close weird glowing crystals called "rifts" that spit out demons as the elf explained. Lovely.  
Cassandra marched forward “this means it also could close the breach itself"  
He looked at Cassandra and then to me "Possibly. It seems that you hold the key to our salvation."  
Oh lovely. More demons in my future.

"Good to know! Here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever" Varric said as he adjusted his gloves. Of course, he had to be in this mess, the one person who made Hawke the infamous person she is today...  
He walked over to me and smiled. The same as ever, "Varric."  
He nodded to me in return, "Lark."  
Cassandra looked at us, "Varric you know this Rogue?" We grinned then, "More like a Common line of work..." he said glancing back at me, "you're not going to punch me again are you?"  
Heh, he was most likely referring to the time I assaulted him for his tales getting my apprentice almost killed, "Depends, are you sticking around?"

Varric adjusted his gloves again; nervously, "Well, Technically I'm a prisoner, just like you. So yes."  
Free marchers must stick together I suppose. Varric still had a face to remember, Chiseled with his signature roguish smile. His jacket shifted as he rolled his broad shoulders and the shirt collar opened to show a great amount of chest hair and well-developed muscles. the typical distraction tactics of those who want information, and as a writer, he definitely wanted that.  
Cassandra chimed in "I brought you here to tell your story to the Divine, Clearly that is no longer necessary." They were standing face to face now, Cassandra’s hand gripping her sheathed blade. A lot must have happened in those two months he was missing from Kirkwall. She definitely wanted to kill him, the question is when.  
"Yet, Here I am. Lucky for you considering current events." he retorted.  
She made a disgusted grunt and turned. Her armor clinked as she paced to gain some composure. "I think we have an accord, I don't think we will have much choice anyway," I muttered to him. at least I didn't have much choice, the fact was if my hand had the answer then the seeker would never let me go. Cassandra returned, "And Why didn't you tell me that you knew the prisoner, Dwarf?!"  
"Because you didn't ask," he met my eyes again, and it was clearly evident that he enjoyed tormenting her, "And anyway I'm sure we will be great friends in the valley, Tara." He smiled.  
Cassandra charged forward in front of Varric again "Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but..."  
"Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me." he rebutted. Cassandra just grunted and walked away from him once again. I got the feeling these two had a history.

"My name is Solas if there are to be introductions. I am pleased to see you still live." Solas said as he stepped closer. I turned to look at him. He was tall, taller than most elves I have met and so out of place with his untucked knitted cotton shirt under a tattered overcoat. The coat was simple with a high collar just tall enough as to barely touch his jaw. He had a wolf jaw tied to a string around his neck. It swayed with his movements.  
Varric chided "He means, "I kept that mark from killing you while you slept."  
Oh lovely, Just what a regular girl needs, a morning in chains, weird shit falling from the sky and virulent mark that can close green holes in space. Can this day get any better?  
“So I take it you know a great deal about it all," I asked him.  
Cassandra finally over Varric's remark "Solas is an apostate"  
He looked at her, "Technically all mages are now apostates, Cassandra."  
Turning back to me to answer my thoughts "My travels have allowed me to learn much of the fade, far beyond the experience of any circle mage. I came to offer whatever help I can give with the breach. If it's not closed, we are all doomed, Regardless of origin."  
Part of me was still screaming that something was off about him, but I pushed it aside to ask. "And what will you do once this is all over?" I secretly hoped he would mention where he came from.  
"Well one hopes those in power will remember who helped and who did not," he said  
Crud, well there went that plan to peg the elf, Solas.  
"Cassandra, you should know: the magic here is unlike any I have seen. I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power" he said.  
"Understood." she nodded ”we must get to the forward camp, Quickly." she moved forward jumping down into the path leading to the valley.  
Varric stepped from behind me. Looking at me with a smirk and twinkle in his eye "Well, Bianca's excited!" he moved to follow the rest of the group.  
As I jumped down into the valley I just had to wonder, would I be excited too? Well guess it didn't matter if I was the savior of Thedas, it was going to be no more dark shadows and poking pricks. Just... Lovely.

  

 

Time to save the day.

* * *

After what seemed eternity we finally climbed our way to the forward camp. The demons were swarming every inch of the valley; I still don't know how we made it in time to save the camp from a rift. Hopefully, this endeavor does not kill me I would hate it if my father had to criticize a gravestone; I love his consternation so. I took out one of my blades to clean it as Varric leaned beside me. "So Lark, Where in the Free Marches did you tell me you were from?" pulling out what looked like a small pad of parchment. I enjoyed his Company as we crossed the valley, but I was still shocked he Did not tell them everything that he knew about me when they brought me in. I guess there was some honor amongst us. "Hmmm? how do you know I am not a Kirkwall native?" pretending to wonder how he knew, he has a good ear.  
“Accent. I’m a native of Kirkwall, but you’re from… further east, maybe?” He smiled scribbling something on the page, already taking notes I guess, "Here and There, I kind of lost track," tucking my blade away. if he cannot remember then I will not tell him.  
“Ansburg? Ostwick? This is going to bother me.” I chuckled, as he scratched his head, most likely trying to remember something or make a creative answer to my origins. No wonder Varric gets so many people to tell him their stories, his persistence was one of his finer qualities. I got up from my spot on the bridge heading toward Liliana and what looked like a man with a bad case of indigestion. I turned and walked backward looking at Varric. "Nah, Varric see it as a Challenge. It should help you write; by the way, if I live you need to sign my collection. That's if Cassandra has not stabbed them or turned it to kindling." Smiling as he laughed. Good, cause it looked like the Chantry is here to make a mess. As usual. I turned proceeding to the table to join Cassandra and Liliana.  
"She should be arrested and taken to capital to be tried by whoever becomes the next divine." the clerk shouted at Cassandra and Liliana. I had to step in here they didn't deserve the arrows meant for me. "So you mean to say that there is no one in charge here? Well, that’s a relief means we can fix the breach without a clerk with a stick up his ass getting in the way."  
He looked like he wanted to see me burn and dropped into the valley below for that comment, "YOU KILLED EVERYONE WHO WAS IN CHARGE! But then I would not think a common thug would understand the meaning of that."  
I scoffed; this clerk who I now recognized was Chancellor Roderick. Hard not to, his face is…very memorable.  
"Chancellor... Roderick, right? I may be a thug but I am anything but common. As for this argument, it makes me laugh to think that you want us to take a timeout from..." I pointed up at the breach, "That. So if you don't mind, I think I am going to do my Job and try to fix it." I turned to Cassandra and Liliana before the Chancellor had time for rebuttal.  
"As for the options you gave me earlier, I say we charge. Doesn't look like I will be living to see my trial," pointing back at Roderick who was turning a new shade of red.  
"If we are going to do this I say we do it hard and fast." I started walking towards what remained of the temple.  
I didn't even care if they followed me I had a goal now, I must complete it. Never know, it could save my head, Maker knows my father won't.

 

~

It was never ending the rush of demons spilling from the breach. For the past few days, the tide had been endless. This is worse than the circle. I couldn't let more of our men fall Just because we were waiting for the prisoner. A quite familiar prisoner But I would never tell Cassandra that or there might be more than one subject to question.

How Did she get here anyway? She should be safe and back in Kirkwall.

No Enough of that, I could ask her that once she woke. If she woke.

I attempted to focus on the rift ahead of us, hoping to suppress it even a little, but nothing. My powers were not what they used to be since I had stopped taking lyrium. Another Wave of Demons came out of the rift, long spindly and grotesque. Nothing I had not fought before. My heated strikes holding the beast back, as feet sounded behind me, Cassandra's shouts echoing through the clearing. They were here, Good. I cut through another shade, soft rapid footsteps passed me, before I heard the loud shriek from one of the many demons before me. She was revealed to me as the beast faded away, her strikes swift, controlled finesse, not holding back. Her soft emerald eyes met mine, gracing me with her smirk as she flashed off in a stream of dark hair to take out the last pack of demon spawn.

Shimmering in one of Solas' barriers as she sliced the last ravager clean in two, it's corpse fading into the rift like the rest. The rift started to glow along with the palm of her hand. She closed her eyes holding it up to the rift, a sharp beam of light erupted from her palm meeting the rift. her soft features furrowed in concentration. then with a sharp snap, the rift closed as fast as it had appeared. Her eyes opening, glancing at her hand, fisting it as Solas had taken her attention.

Ugh, I needed to appraise Cassandra of the situation not ogle my ex, I took stock of my men; everyone was fine except for James who looked like he had taken a nasty shot to the leg.  
I sheathed my blade and shield, as Seeker Pentagast walked up to me. "Lady Cassandra Looks like you managed to close the rift. Well done."  
Cassandra turned to her, "Do not thank me, Commander. This is Tara's doing."  
I looked at the Raven of Kirkwall.  
Tara had not aged a Day since I last saw her. With her dark brown hair and blue-green eyes. She was beautiful with or without her mask, her fair skin and the spattering of freckles on her cheeks. She smiled. It's a wonder I never caught her. She walked towards me over the dirt and remains of a terror demon. "Is it?" I said trying to keep the familiarity out of my voice. She's a prisoner. I needed to be professional, "I hope they are right about you. We have lost a lot of people to get you here."  
She twirled one of the blades and promptly sheathed it, she kept smiling at me, "I hope they are right too, Commander Cullen. I hate to think our reunion was blemished by demon swarm."  
I smirked, She did have a way of saying things. "Well, we will see soon enough won't we?" moving back to the seeker I placed my arm to my chest in salute. "The way to the temple should be clear; Liliana will try to meet you there."  
She looked back to the group "Then we best move quickly. Give us time Commander"  
Back to work.  
"Maker watch over you for all our sakes." I looked at Tara, the Raven of Kirkwall one last time if she lived we will have to talk. I grabbed James and helped him off the field.  
Maker, watch over us all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading Chapter 1 my first fanfic.  
> I love input, any advice that helps to improve my story is good by me.  
> Eventually, we should have some smut and graphic content. You have been warned.  
> I take some liberties with plot events but I try to stick to the game and it's script when I can.


	2. Haven's Meet

It had been a few days since I had met Commander Cullen on the field, since then I have encountered a Pride demon, a frightened elf, throngs of the faithful, rogue Templars and apostates, a mother of the faith and a gruff horse master.  
All of which seemed to think I was special or some Herald of Andraste.  
I may have faith in the maker and my doubts that I was sent.  
A title is a title though and people will always make people like me bigger than themselves.  
I missed just being "The Raven of Kirkwall" and putting back bad ale with Fennic and the crew in The Hanged Man thinking why we couldn't have it like the Champion. Well, now I have it. And it sucks.

And Cullen.  
Why is it every time I look at him across the war table my heart seems to skip a beat? It was not like this back at Kirkwall, well almost.  
Then there was that last meeting; Sparrow had told me that the commander was resigning his post. At first, I celebrated that he was no longer part of the order but if we were to be together... I had to tell him everything....

But that was before he left me behind.

I shook the thought from my head, He probably doesn't even want to remember that night. It was so raw, and primal. But I was so... terrible, that he left me behind without anything. not even a letter.  
But then why would he? I was just a supposed criminal with an affinity for magical artifacts and he was the law.

Why would he ever want me like that again now that he knew who I am?

The one he chased all those years.

  
The one he slept with not knowing his culprit was right next to him.

  
I let out a breath as I stared at the ceiling of my little cabin. Moments like this, I find... that it's good to train. it was one of the many things that Help me get my mind get off... things.  
I got up from my cot in my small cabin and started dressing in my favorite training Shirt and leather breeches; All in black, less to wash. I looked around at the small space I had for myself. A warm cot with herbs hanging everywhere. The chest filled with my things was at the far wall.  
I was happy for the return of my belongings. Of course, I knew Liliana most likely looked at all the letters I had saved over the years. I did not care who saw them so long as they kept it to themselves.  
There was a light caw from the corner and turned to see my oldest friend, Hector. He was a raven I had found in Kirkwall abandoned.  
His owner was one of my customers who died, he only had a missing foot and no one was going to take him. So, I took him home with me and now he always seemed to find me regardless of where I was. I tore off a small piece of stale bread I kept on my desk and gave it to him. "That's a good boy Hector. Eat it up cause I will have a letter for Fennic I need to send tonight. She needs to know we are alright." I passed the warmth of the fireplace and grabbed my belt and daggers and started my way down to the dummies Cullen had Threnn set up outside Haven. For a grumpy quartermaster, she was remarkably good at her job.

The air was crisp this morning with a hint of flakes falling from the trees.  
I walked past the other cabins and turned past Seggrit's table he had set up. He and Mother Giselle were arguing over the price of elfroot, again. Which I knew Seggrit tried to mark up every chance he got, but I didn't have the patience to solve that this morning.  
I opened the gates and I saw that I was not the only person out training this morning. Cassandra was taking out whatever frustrations she had on the poor dummy in front of her.  
Despite how we met I was starting to like the seeker.  
She had her heart in the right place and was willing to ignore the times Varric and I took to drinking a little too much ale. Also, it helped that she was not so bad in a fight.  
I jogged down the steps to the dummies. Cassandra was too focused on her strikes to notice me.  
I moved to start hitting the dummy next to hers. It was then she looked at me and just let out a noise of disgust. Hitting my dummy a few times I noted hers looked a bit worse for wear.  
"I think I need to ask Threnn to get you dummies made out of sturdier stuff," I said with mirth.  
"That would be nice" she grunted hitting the dummy a few more times. The poor thing had finally given way and the arms fell to the snow with a deafening thud. "Like maybe iron." Phew, I am happy I am not on the receiving end of that. I almost was...  
She looked at me "Did I do the right thing? What I set in motion here could ruin what I have built my whole life. One day they may write about me as a traitor, a madwoman, a fool. And they may be right." she placed her training blade on the rack. I glanced at her. "Honestly, I don't think you had much choice." She started to pace at this point. "Didn't I? My trainers always told me I was too brash and I misjudged you didn't I? I cannot afford to be so careless again." I chuckled taking a gash out of my dummies padding "It's not like you had cause, I was the Raven of Kirkwall after all and I am not exactly a beacon among my peers." She stopped looking at the frozen lake, "I was just so determined to have someone, anyone answer for what happened to the divine." She looked at me then "You've said you believe you're chosen. Does that mean... you believe in the Maker?"  
"Honestly yes, but when I meet him, I'll have a lot of questions." hitting my dummy with a hard strike.  
"I guess it doesn't matter now, but I have to believe we were put on this path for a reason." she sighed.  
"That I can get behind. We are on this path for a reason bit." I hit my dummy with a finisher strike and it fell to bits.  
She laughed for a moment and I grinned. Good, she is not so bad when she is not in seeker mode.  
"I guess we both need sturdier dummies." I looked at her "I'll get Harrit on it. Let's go to the kitchens, I am starving."  
We started towards the chantry.  
"It occurs to me that I don't know much about you beyond your criminal history." she said as we walked up the path.  
I looked at her pushing open the gate to Haven. "Hmn what do you want to know?"  
"I'm ... not sure. Where are you from?" she asked unsure of her words.

"Sure I'll tell you just don't mention it to Varric I want to keep him guessing. I was born in Ostwick and that is where my family lives now." and where I never wanted to return.

"The Trevelyan's is it not, large house with a rather clever coat of arms. Do you consider it your home? Are you eager to go back?"

I scoffed, clenching my fist, right go back just after my father promised not to chase me. Not a chance, "My home now is wherever I am and my family, my father likes it that way."

  
"I feel the same after years of tending to business for the divine. But why does your father want to keep you away?"

Ah, Cassandra ever the interrogator. She didn't need to know it all, just graze over the details. Hopefully, she could lay off after, "All I'll say is that it deals with a red-faced duke's son and my nightly activities." I glanced at her, "I am sure you can understand not wanting to be a part of your family's plan."

She grinned "Yes, I can."

  
I looked off towards the chantry's towers, "So Pentagast I know that name. Where do you lie in the line of succession?"

  
"75th," She said with more disgust.

  
I smiled. "Guess we both had families we wanted to get away from."

  
We walked our way past Varric's tent. It wasn't until then that I heard the shouting. Looking to Cassandra as both ran towards the chantry gates.  
We arrived to see our Mages and Templars arguing. A Templar had pushed his way through the left side of the crowd to accuse another mage of murdering the Divine, naturally, the mage countered by saying that the Templars left her to her own demise.  
Angered by the mage's accusation, The Templar yelled at the mage to shut his mouth. Just as he was about to pull out his sword, was when Cullen chose to cut in.  
"Knight-Commander," the Templar exclaimed, shocked to see a former Templar coming to a mage's defense.  
Cullen shot an annoyed look at the Templar who called him his former title, "That is not my title. Not anymore," He spat.  
"We are not Templars any longer. We are all part of the Inquisition," Cullen said, addressing the entire crowd who were now in an uproar.  
Before he could continue, Rodrick spoke from the crowd, "And what does that mean exactly?" with a hint of animosity.  
Cullen grimaced the approaching Chancellor, "Back already Chancellor. Haven't you done enough?"  
Chancellor Roderick smirked, "I'm curious, Commander. As to how your Inquisition and its Herald will restore order, as you've promised." The sarcasm dripping in his voice at the mention of my latest title.  
"Of course you are," Cullen muttered under his breath, annoyed at the Chancellor's feigned innocence. He noticed the crowd growing larger, all of them gawking at the exchange between the Chancellor and their Commander. He shook his head at their interest.  
"Back to your duties. All of you," he said, especially to the Chancellor who held a smug look.  
I noticed how the both of them were shooting the worst looks at each other. Most likely this is going to end in a brawl. Cullen would win obviously but we cannot have the Inquisition's reputation be smeared over two hot-headed men. Not right now.  
I held my hand out to Cassandra. "I'll meet you there."  
She looked concerned, I smiled "I got this."  
Sigh, I cannot believe this two grown men acting like children, and me having to break up the fight like their mother.  
I glanced at the men, Cullen's arms crossed, most likely wishing that Rodrick was not here, "So what's going on? Usually, you two are on other sides of the compound at this point."  
Cullen met my eyes. We had not spoken much except for our talks in the war room. I could always tell he wanted to ask me more than he was letting on. "Herald, the mages, and Templars are now blaming each other for the Divine's death. Morale is still low at camp. We can't have them fight amongst each other. Especially not within Haven."  
Rodrick huffed.  
"Which is why we require a proper authority to guide them back to order," the Chancellor interjected, his lips curled in rancor as his eyes met mine. I just smirked. He is not the first to give me that look and I doubt he will be the last.  
"And who do you think would be a better fit for that? You? A random cleric who wasn't important enough to be at the Conclave," Cullen spat back at the Chancellor.  
Cullen always had a way with words, I need to find time to talk to him more. That and see if he still is upset about the whole not catching me business or that last meeting. I glanced at Rodrick, "So far, Chancellor. You are the only one who has said we cannot work together."  
"We might if the inquisition would recognize the proper authority." he sneered and puffed up his chest just a bit.  
"There is no proper authority until a new divine is chosen," Cullen interjected.  
"In due time. Andraste will be our guide" He opened his arms and turned. Looking back at me "And Not some Dazed thief on the Mountainside." He snarled.  
I wanted to take out the Chancellor right there for even suggesting that I wanted the glory that these people were placing upon me. I should not be anyone's guide, I glanced at Cullen calm and collected in the face of Rodrick's words.

He has changed, "Cullen" my eyes meeting his, with a new admiration. "Don't let anyone riot while we are gone"  
He smiled. Curses he has looks that could melt any woman. "The walls will be standing by the time you return. I hope."  
I smiled back "I was just wondering if you had any issues with us working together. I mean seems like yesterday that you were chasing me through the streets of Kirkwall. Then, of course, there was… um." I couldn't say it not with Rodrick there.  
His face flushed, "Honestly I have not given that much thought. At the time I was dealing with bigger issues than the Raven of Kirkwall." He is such a terrible liar. I wasn't going to call him on it. I never did... I still remember him pacing in his office and reading my letters; the Raven's letters, as I watched from my balcony. Things were simpler then.  
"We are good?" I said. He nodded.  
"So maybe we could spar sometime?" My heart sped up, where these feelings were coming from. I feel like one of those flowers on the side of the ballroom waiting for some lord asking them to dance. It definitely wasn't like this back in Kirkwall.  
"Oh um... Why would you want that? I am sure anyone would want to spar with you." He said nervously rubbing the back of his head. My stomach was aflutter and I doubt that was from my lack of food.  
"I would hate it that you never got to fight me, Even during our encounters I never really gave you a chance." I looked at him. Hoping, as his cheeks flushed, doubting it was the cold weather putting it there, making my way towards the chantry doors.

"Sure I could spar with you sometime." He said after me. My cheeks warmed at the thought of anything with him again... What has gotten into me?

He was the Commander of the Inquisition, I was just some feature from a past he wanted no part of anymore.

I walked down the lit stone chantry hall. The last time I tried anything like this was Kirkwall. No I must resist, and those flutters in my stomach they Must be Hunger, yeah that must be it. just keep denying and these feelings will pass, I'm sure. I turned towards the kitchens, thinking a good meal would do me good.

 

**~**

 

She asked me to spar. She opened the chantry doors and proceeded down the stone hall.

Like it was nothing for her. It has always been nothing for her. She turned towards the kitchens.

This woman I had chased for years on end for robbing nobles estates, defacing private property with her break ins among various other crimes ;pranks, and who toyed with me for years on end. the woman I slept with not knowing she was my target the entire time, Who sent me ... letters after almost every one of her crimes, usually explaining her motives. Turning in some of the artifacts she stole, just to see me....

I had only found out a month ago that she was a noble and had wanted nothing to do with her family or title. Maybe it's just the lyrium withdrawal getting to me but every time in the war room. I could swear she snuck me little glances and touches of my hand. Did she miss me like I did her? I cannot deny that she didn't cross my mind. She still bit her scarred lower lip when she was thinking, reminding me of those nights. The Dreams of her that accompanied the many nightmares, when it was her that filled my dreams it was a relief. Any dream that was not torture was a relief. I started back to my quarters; I needed to go through a couple requisitions if only to distract myself from these thoughts. She was just here to close the breach and I was the commander of the inquisition. It would be improper to try to see if she wanted me still. I just needed to wait maybe once she has closed the breach, maybe then.  But until then it Didn’t mean I couldn't go over all the letters she sent me as The Raven and as herself. And that last Raven letter....

 

☘

  
I had just resigned my post, I couldn't take it anymore.

 

The order had asked so much of me over the years and Meredith was the last.

 

I thought I could handle it maybe still serve, but... it could have been me.

 

Come morning I would just be Cullen Rutherford.

 

I entered my room and saw a letter with her seal on my bed. On the bed, it was no longer mine. Picking up I examined it. It smelled of lavender and elfroot. On the back was her usual raven crested seal, I opened the letter and read.

====

_Dear Ex-Knight Commander,_

_A little bird told me of what happened._  
_While we may have had our... differences on how justice should be carried out, it does not mean I cannot see why you want to leave your post._  
_I hoped that we could meet for one last time before you ship off to whatever dark corner of the world._  
_I have enclosed a map to our meeting place. Don't bring friends I would hate to have to take them out._  
_I hope you will come._

_~ The Raven_  
_P.S. Meredith didn't deserve you._

====

 

I had read it a few times looking for some trick, but there was no trick to be found. I looked at the lyrium on my desk. Anytime I saw lyrium now all I could think of was that red glowing statue of the ex-knight commander the middle of the city. If I was going to meet my mystery opponent, I would do it unclouded. I took her map and tucked her letter in my satchel with all the others. Looked around what once were my quarters and walked to meet The Raven of Kirkwall. The lyrium left on the table.

 

☘

  

I opened the door to my office and saw all of the paperwork I had to get to. I let out a breath, the tide was never ending. I warmed my hands by the fireplace behind my desk. I set my sword down next to me and sat for a change. I opened the top drawer and lifted out the box of correspondence I had placed in there. I lifted the false bottom to retrieve the letters with her seal. Remembering her skill and finesse with her blades on the battlefield. I better practice.

 

**~**

 

I just finished eating some turnip stew in the kitchen when I heard a loud ruckus coming from Josephine’s office. She was our ambassador and I had not talked with her much beyond our war table meetings. Crossing the hall and giving Mother Giselle a short greeting I opened the door. The sight I was greeted with was her trying to debate with one of the many nobles who visited Haven.

"The Inquisition cannot remain, Ambassador, if you cannot prove it was founded on Justinia’s orders.

"This is an inopportune time marquis more of the faithful flock here each day..."

She looked over at me as I walked in the door.

"But allow me to introduce you to the brave soul. Who risked her life to slow the magic of the breach." Gestured towards me.

Well if I was going to play the Herald. I better brush off my manners and my knowledge of the ... Game. I still hate that they call it that. More like let’s kill someone over the wrong fork.

She looked at me "Ser Trevelyan, may I present the Marquis Du Rellion, one of the divine’s greatest supporters."

He cut in "and the rightful owner of Haven. House Du Rellion lent Justinia these lands for a pilgrimage. This "Inquisition" is not a beneficiary of this arrangement."

Ah yes, that must irk him to have our little group on his lands.

"This is the first time I have heard of Haven having an owner outside the chantry."

"My wife, Lady Machen of Denerim, has claim to Haven by ancient treaty with the monarchs of Ferelden. We were honored to lend its use to divine justinia. She is..." he cut himself off looking mournful. “She was a woman of supreme merit. I will not let an upstart order remain on Her Holy Grounds."

Ah, I see he is a fan, "Interesting, considering the Inquisition was begun by the Left and Right Hands of the Divine.”

He turned to Josie “I’ve seen no written records from Sister Liliana or Seeker Pentaghast that Justinia approved the Inquisition.”

Josephine looked at me for a moment before looking towards the marquis. “If he won’t take her at her word, I’m afraid Seeker Pentaghast must challenge him to a duel.”

"What!" he said with a tone of worry behind his masked face.

“It is a matter of honor among the Nevarrans. Shall I arrange the bout for tonight?” she quipped writing something the writing board she brought with her everywhere.

"Yes, I have seen her fight. She does not take slights well." I smiled following along with Josie's play.

The marquis' eyes turned to those of panic, “No! No. Perhaps my reaction to the Inquisition’s presence was somewhat hasty.”

DuRellion Sighed and turned away from us.

Josephine looked at DuRellion “We face a dark time, Your Grace. Divine Justinia would not want her passing to divide us. She would, in fact, trust us to forge new alliances to the benefit of all, no matter how strange they might seem.”

DuRellion turned back to us “I’ll think about it, Lady Montilyet. The Inquisition might stay in the meanwhile.” As he left the room.

I looked at the Marquis and turned to Josie “I’m so pleased the marquis isn’t tossing us out into the cold.”

Josephine walked over to her desk and sat down “His Grace is one of the first of many dignitaries we must contend with.”

I walked towards her desk away from the door “You expect more people in Haven?”

Josephine nodded “Undoubtedly. And each visitor will spread the story of the Inquisition after they depart. An ambassador should ensure the tale is as complimentary as possible.”

I looked at Josephine “May I ask what brought you to work for the Inquisition?”

“Sister Liliana approached me. We’ve been acquainted for quite some time. For better or worse, being the Inquisition’s diplomat has become as interesting as she promised.” she started on one of her many letters for the inquisition.

  

“So what sort of dealings have you had with nobility? I am sure your experience is much different than mine.” I smirked remembering the many jewels I stole from the nobility. That and the small prank here and there when i felt like it. Josephine laughed for a moment “For some years, I was the royally appointed court ambassador from Antiva to Orlais. The nobility of Thedas is a rather singular sphere. Those I’m not acquainted with, I know through reputation and yours while colorful is not the worst I have seen.”

 

“Well, then I’m glad for your help. I have a feeling the Inquisition’s going to need it.” I looked behind to where the marquis was talking with the good mother. Josie just smiled. “I do believe you are correct. Thedas’ politics have become… agitated as of late. I hope to guide us down smoother paths.”

  

 

She looked down at all the paperwork on her desk. “But please excuse me. I’ve much work to do before the day is done.”

  

 

I chuckled to myself “That’s an understatement.”


	3. Royeaux Tidings

Despite the lovely weather in the summer bazaar and the pleasant chatter of city life reminding me of my time in Kirkwall, Val Royeaux was not going well. The chantry is still trying to denounce our order and claiming me as a false prophet, and the Templars want nothing to do with us. The Lord seeker Lucius seems crazed and Cassandra tells me that this is out of character even for him. Only positive notes are the recent addition of a Madame de Fer to our ranks; she is very showy for freezing a denouncer right in front of me at her own soiree, and a merchant who was quite eager to help anyone actually trying to do something for the breach.  
The mages had told me to come to Redcliffe in the hinterlands if I want their help with giving my mark enough power to seal the breach. It was worth a try at least. Since they were willing to talk, unlike the lord seeker.  
I was nursing my woes over a glass of what these people called some pretentious name, I just called it wine. Varric was trying to counsel me in-between all the nobles coming up to him asking for signatures. He shuffled back to his seat “My editor told me that my books didn't sell that well in Orlais."  
I chuckled "And yet every noble in Orlais wants you to sign their copy? I would talk with my editor."  
It was right at that moment that an arrow struck right next to me on the table. "Right, that doesn't seem ominous" Varric commented as I took off the note that was attached by a piece of red yarn. The letter enclosed had doodles all along the edges as well as poorly drawn map of the back quarter of Val Royeaux.  
===  
_Dear Herald:_  
_I heard from my people that you’re special._  
_I want to help, and I can bring everyone._  
_Some baddie has it up his arse end to take you out of the picture._  
_Meet us here and maybe you'll meet him first._  
_Bring swords._  
_Friends of Red Jenny_  
===  
Varric looked at me after we finished the letter. "Could be a trap?" he said. "I doubt it's a trap Varric I mean they used crayon. I just got to figure out where this is in the back quarter." I squinted to find some landmark. “If anything Varric they might put your writing to shame it is quite colorful," I smirked  
"Lark, you wound me," he said shifting off the chair that was bit too high for him.  
"Let's just see what these friends of red jenny want." I smiled as we walked off to the back end of the city.

 

* * *

We finally found the location on the map. It was some dark alley behind one of the Comte de Rainier’s estates. There was no sight of our contact except for 3 men who attacked us on sight. Varric and I made quick work of them; they didn't exactly seem to be prepared for our presence. I am happy I told the others to stay back at our encampment outside the city; this was going to be a cake walk. Cassandra didn't like my saying it's a rogue’s only thing. Let’s face it the last thing we need is a "seeker" at these events. Or a pomp mage either thinking back to Madame de Fer; Vivienne. Yeah, she will never mix, but she wanted to help just like these friends of red jenny.  
I ran past what looked like new additions to the Comte's estate; must look into that I thought he was destitute with a fool son for an heir; need to look into that. There was some correspondence at the back of the alley. Most of it was blotted out from the wine spilled during the scuffle only thing legible were Orval Rainier and she will pay.  
Varric looked at me “Hey isn't he the guy you told me about with the grand tourney."  
It came to me Rainier’s son was one of those small jobs I pulled outside of Kirkwall, made it such as his breeches would fall down during the grand tourney. He had laid with one of his serving girls and then tried to have her killed for it. Thankfully I was passing through, she is now living happily in Kirkwall with two kids and a funny story to tell.  
"Seems so this explains this guy wants to kill me but why here at his father's estate in Orlais?"  
Varric shrugged "Trying to use your death in the game? I don't know I just write the stories."  
I opened the door to the outer courtyard only to be greeted with a fireball firing off to my right. I ducked the second one.  
Ah, it's the son of course, and he is still as pompous as ever the way he started going on how this must have wounded the inquisition terribly. Sad thing really, since I don't even think Josie knows who he is.  
"Honestly I don't know who you are," I said to him  
"You don't fool me, I am too important for this to be an accident."  
There is going to be an accident alright  
"My efforts will survive in victories against you elsewhere."  
I heard the sound of a man being taken out and looked over at one of his guards.  
The guard fell showing a lithe blond elf with a terrible bowl haircut.  
She pulled on her bow string "Just say What."  
"What is the...?” Reiner tried to say before an arrow went into his face.  
"Ugh" she walked over to Reiner’s dead body, looked at me.  
"Squishy one but you heard me right? Just say what. Rich tits always try for more than they deserve"  
She pulled out her arrow "Blah. Blah. Blah. Obey me arrow in my face." looked at her arrow and smiled. She turned to me again “so you followed the note well enough, and glad to see your just.. plain really, all that talk and you're just a person. I mean it's all good in't it, the important thing is you glow you’re the herald thingy."  
"Yes. Alright, I glow. You want to tell me what this is all about then?"  
“I don't know, I don't know this tit from manners. My people just said the inquisition would want to look into him."  
"So your people?"  
“No time for that, Name's Sera. This is cover, get around it. For the reinforcements. Don't worry someone tipped me to their equipment shed. They got no breeches." she smiled impishly.

Ok, that’s funny I thought as I saw the reinforcements. And true to her word no breeches. She called them a bunch of nutters. I guess if he came down without breeches, he can go out without breeches. Most of the time Sera aimed for the funniest of places like the guy's bits most of the time. Varric just couldn't stop laughing even while we took out the last contender.  
I took what I could from their remains and Sera, Varric and I moved to the shadowed gate at the back of the secluded lot. "Friends really came through with that tip. No Breeches." she giggled  
"So Herald of andraste, you’re a strange one I'd like to join," Sera said as she turned to me.  
“How about we get to know each other first you know names and such?" since she hadn’t answered my question before.  
"One name no wait two, no it's like this I belong to this group the friends of red jenny, well that's me. Well, I am one, so is a fence in Momteford, some woman in Kirkwall, there were three in Starkhaven. Brothers or somethin’. It’s just a name yeah? It lets little people, 'friends' be part of something while the stick it to nobles they hate.” She tripped over the words. “So here in your face I'm Sera the friends of red jenny are sort of out there. I used them to help you, Plus Arrows" she smiled with gusto.  
I smiled back “I can get behind that Sera."  
"So do you need people or not? Cause I want to get everything back to normal. Like you." She asked.  
"Sure Sera I can use you and your friends. Never know maybe we can kick it to some nobs while we're out." I grinned as I started forward.  
“Yes! Get in good before you are too big to like yeah? That will keep your breeches where they should be. Plus extra breeches cause I have all these... you have merchants who buy that pish yeah? Got to be worth somethin'." She started to follow, carrying a big burlap sack.  
"Yeah Sera," I said, opening the gate "Seggrit will buy anything he can put a price on, even breeches" we both sniggered  
"This will be grand yeah?" she said as we all walked off to the main thoroughfare with the largest bag of breeches... ever.

Soon after that, we had two more people join our fledgling inquisition. The Iron Bull, the leader of a band of mercenaries off the Storm Coast and Warden Blackwall, a brooding man, with honor and a good sense of humor. It was all going so well.

 

* * *

 

I was happy Harrit let me use one of his grindstones. When I had asked he wanted to know what I needed to be made, but it wasn't that I needed something made but that I needed to make something. Thankfully he understood my habit and now here I was with my knife blanks and a grindstone, almost like I was back in Kirkwall. all I needed was a target and I would be good to go.

of course, my knife-making was not the only thing keeping my mind busy for most of the morning I had been watching Cullen working with the new recruits. he was just as splendid as he was when I watched him train in Kirkwall. I was hoping to get a moment to a talk to him since the war room meeting the other night after we returned from Orlias. He was so focused on something last night that he had almost forgotten to get approval for the new training space for the recruits. I finished the last blank and got up.  
"Thanks for this Harrit, making something always helps clear the mind." I brushed myself off as his mustache twitched "not a problem herald, I find it also helps keep my neck safer." smiling I laughed "that's true too, I'll see you later Harrit."  
i slowly made my way down to the trainees, they had terrible form but showed promise. A few weeks work and they may not be that bad. Cullen's voice sounded over all the ringing and clattering of swords and shields, "you there! there is a shield in your hand Block with it. if this man were your enemy, you would be dead." his eyes met mine as I gave him a soft wave his momentary smile made my cheeks warm; sheesh I am blushing like a new handmaid. he looked back at his lieutenant, "Lieutenant, don't hold back. the recruits must prepare for a real fight, not a practice one." a "yes, ser" rang out as he walked over to me. "as you can see, we have received a number of recruits - locals from Haven and some pilgrims" he smiled as he reached my side "But none have made Quite the entrance you did."  
"at least I got everyone's attention" like his.  
"that you did," he paused and rubbed the back of his head, he felt as awkward as I did. "Where did you go Cullen? I tried to see you after that night and they told me you left."  
"the inquisition recruited me out of Kirkwall. Cassandra, she offered me a position, so I left to join her cause." he sighed trying not to meet my eyes.  
"ah, well, your old comrades don't seem to be too big on giving out stuff like that out then. I was worried you were captured by some rebel mage group or something and the crew and I were going to have to go and rescue our favorite templar."  
he chuckled, "yes well now it seems we face something far worse."  
"the conclave destroyed, a giant hole in the sky. hmm yeah, things are not looking good."

"which is exactly why we are needed. the chantry lost control of both templars and mages. Now they argue over a new divine while The Breach remains. the inquisition could act when the chantry cannot. our followers would be part of that. there's so much we can..." he paused a moment and shook his head, " forgive me, I doubt you came here for a lecture."  
he must still think well of me if he needs to defend his choice, "No, but if you have one prepared I'd love to hear it."  
"another time perhaps." he chuckled and I flashed him a smile, "I, ah..." he cleared his throat I was making him nervous? maybe there might be something... "there's still a lot of work ahead." he said as a scout broke in "Commander! Ser Rylen has a report on our supply lines."  
he made a small bow as he gave me a knowing grin "as I was saying" and he strode off as the scout gave him the report. I had wished for more time but I guess today was not that day.


	4. Family Ales

it was a few weeks after that last talk with Cullen, we had two more people join our fledgling inquisition.

The Iron Bull, the leader of a band of mercenaries off the Storm Coast and Warden Blackwall, a brooding man, with honor and a good sense of humor.

It was all going so well  
Until I had woken up to the light caws of Hector on the window sill with a letter packet stuck to his leg.  
I knew who it was from but I didn’t want to open it.  
I grabbed the letter from Hector treating him with some of the bread I had brought from the market. There was only one thing to do, I put on my jacket and exited the cabin into the fresh snow that had fallen the previous evening and walked over to the tavern.

  
I passed Varric’s tent along the way his eye followed me showing for what could amount for concern.  
I opened to door to the tavern thankful for the warm hearth and the light music that flowed through the air from the bard in the corner. Some of the occupants looked up as I entered. Some of the soldiers saluted and the others just went back to their drinks.  
I ordered a large mug of the strongest ale Felissa had in stock and took it to the table by the hearth.  
I took a look at the letter the wax seal was of the family crest and it was unmarred.  
Good, I don’t need everyone in my business.  
I took a large swig of the ale it was sweet and bitter at the same time and burned going down my throat. It was then Varric had come over to sit with me, pulling himself up to a seat. “What’s the trouble Lark? Anything I can do to help?”  
I laughed at that “not unless you can turn back the last 30 years and give me a new father.”  
I took another large swig of the ale, it burned less this time but still didn’t solve the ache I was feeling. Varric looked at the letter in my hand and then to me. He took a moment to call Felissa for a pint as well.  
“Family troubles? I have some experience in those want to talk about it?” he smiled.  
“Thanks, Varric but honestly if I share this with you, it does not go in any book.” I gave him a meaningful glance.  
He put his hand up to his mouth and back down again.  
“My lips are sealed.’’ He smiled.  
I needed to talk so I guess I’ll take him at that.  
I took out one of my throwing daggers and lifted the seal on the letter. “My father does not approve of any action I take outside his wishes. He thinks I should follow his perfect plan for the good of the family.” I twirled the blade.  
I looked at Varric he just sat silent; nodding.  
I fingered the parchment and lifted the letter. “This is from him.” I took that moment to drink the last of my ale.  
I raised it to show Felissa I wanted another.  
“I guess I could do with some company reading it, but I doubt it will be any different from all the others.”  
Felissa came over with drinks for Varric and I. nodding my thanks, I pulled out the letter and unfolded it. Varric read over the crook of my arm.

===  
_Dear Lady Trevelyan,_

_How could you?_  
_It’s enough that you went on this criminal escapade since you assaulted the Duke de Chagny’s Son._  
_What would your mother think if she saw you now? A criminal and a False Prophet._  
_How far can you go to spite me for wanting the best for you? All you had to do was play nice and marry the man I chose for you._  
_Nothing Else._  
_To honor the family and to help it to remain strong with that marriage._  
_I have no choice but to disavow you should you choose to remain with the dregs of society._  
_Should you choose to return may consider forgiving you for I have selected another alliance for you to help us gain._

  
_May Andraste be your guide,_  
_Bann Reginald Trevelyan of Ostwick_  
===

  
I looked at Varric he seemed to find as much humor in it as I did.  
“A dreg, well it’s not the worst thing I have been called.” He jested trying to lighten my mood.  
I smiled and looked towards the hearth. How could you, he said. This by all standards is a good endeavor and he wants to stay blind to our problems. Thedas problems. I placed my hand on my face.  
“Why can he just once see the good I am trying to do here. Instead of always taking issue with my choices?” I grumbled; very un-ladylike.  
“Family always seems to ignore these things,” Varric said  
I crumpled up the letter and threw it into the hearth, happy that no one else had read it. Good Riddance not even my saint of a stepmother did anything to soften him. I didn’t need or want my Father’s forgiveness since I have never forgiven him.  
“Varric remember I don’t want anyone in my past. Not even the Inquisition.”  
He nodded “Yeah I can see why you want no one in that mess.”  
I heard the door barge open and I glanced. It was Iron Bull, the Qunari ducked in, his horns almost hitting the frame.  
I liked him when I met him on the storm coast didn’t mind when he told me he was a ben-Hassrath spy and any other day I would have been happy to see him.  
Krem followed in right behind him, another person I didn’t mind even now.  
He could understand. Being born the wrong sex does that for him. They ordered drinks and sat down to join us. Iron Bull’s chair groaning under the strain of his size.  
“What’s with the faces? It’s a bar we should be enjoying ourselves.” He said jovially.  
“Let’s say it’s something that should not be aired, anywhere.” I looked meaningful at him.  
“No worries chief. Like I said I’ll let you read my reports.” He smiled taking down his pitcher with one big chug.  
Varric looked at him and said “Family Troubles.”  
He looked at Varric then at me. There was understanding in his eyes. “Well family is not my area of expertise, just how to get over disappointments but, you seem to be working on that well enough yourself.”  
Krem just looked at me and nodded. He knew exactly what was going through my mind. Breaking convention was something we both did.  
That’s when Sera came over from her corner to join us. ”Hey what’s got the stick up your arse Herald? You look like shit.” She said sitting down.  
I motioned to get her a pint as well. “Sera be happy you don’t have a family of nobs. Cause they are shit.”  
Varric just took a drink.  
Sera looking to me “What you mean your Pisser of a father?”  
I looked at Sera with a bit of shock I had not told anyone about my family till now.  
“How do you know about that Sera? Did your friends tell you?” I took another swig, this was not going to help me in the morning but I didn’t care.  
“Yeah! Your Father is like the biggest pomp nob in Ostwick. Started asking around after you let’ slip you were a nob yourself’.”  
It figures. “So what does your ‘Friends’ Say about the Bann?” I was sure this was going to be shiny after what I knew.  
She looked a little grim and looked around. For once Sera looked as serious as her nature could let her get.  
“I heard from one of the house boys that ‘fter you left he started mistreatin’ all of them with pissy demands and harsh punishment.” She looked like she hated my father as much as I did. ”and he has even been harsh to your family’. Y’ur younger sister especially.”  
I grimaced and clenched my fist. I wish I had known he was doing that. To my stepmother and Half siblings… they did not deserve that. It was hate meant for me, not them. And the staff. I shivered at the thought of what he could be doing to them. What happened to them while I was gone?  
“Was there anything else Sera?” trying not to let them see my rage. She shook her head and took a swig.  
Varric took this moment to chime in “It’s always the family. Lark don’t be so hard on yourself you had no Idea.”  
I looked to him “Did I? I feel like a fool for even thinking my father would accept this as my ‘destiny’, No this is my fault and I have to fix it.” I looked into the hearth where the letter was still burning down.

Modest in Temper, Bold in Deed; the family motto.  
He would ruin us if this came to light. I lived by that statement my whole life regardless of my father’s wishes.  
I remembered getting up late one night to stare at the family seal on the wall. My father told me he was grooming me to be his heir since most of my siblings were married to higher stations or … dead; some even joined the chantry: most likely to be free of him.  
I knew then if I wanted to be worthy of the family name I would need to be better than my father and his grand plan.  
“We could always take h’m down a peg if ya want?” she offered.  
She shocked me out of my stupor, Varric lightly grinned like he knew what I was thinking of. For a chatty dwarf, he was being remarkably silent.  
I smiled half-heartedly took another swig of ale. “Nah Sera, thank you but as much as I want to pie my father.I got to try to fix this myself."  
I need to check in with my great-aunt and see if she can help me get my stepmother and siblings away from him.  
"If that does not work, then we can take him down a peg, together.” I Smiled trying to hide my pain for a moment. She just giggled “Pies.”

  
While her offer was sweet, a prank would not solve my problems right now. Make public what would ruin our family name would harm my family more than the Bann.  
I have to find a way to get my family away from... him. I knew my Great-Aunt would try to help if she could.  
My father got my grandfather’s intelligence… and temper. So anything I tried will need to be done without suspicion for fear of retaliation against my stepmother and younger siblings.  
We sat there in bleak company for most of the day I didn’t have much time to care for anything else except my plans. And my Glass.

~

It was almost nightfall I was on my way back to my quarters when I spotted Tara slumped on the tavern wall. What was she doing here? I ran up to catch her before she hit the ground.  
“Herald?” I asked shaking her shoulder.  
“Huh? Oh commander what are you doing here? Is it time to spar? I don’t even have my... jerkin.” She slurred. She had had way too much ale. I wasn’t going to let her walk back to the cabin, not in this state. I lifted her up.  
“You are so strong. No wonder I liked you.” She said as I started to carry her back. She still liked me. Even after Kirkwall?

  
“You are drunk Tara. You need to rest and some elfroot.” I said trying to keep her from saying things she would regret. I walked past Varric’s tent thinking how much I liked her heat against mine.This reminded me of Kirkwall, all those times I carried her home from the City's drunk tank. But then she was my ... neighbor, and now she was the herald of andraste.  
“I like it when you say my name, you have a lovely voice. And lovely eyes, Gold, like honey. I like honey.” Her slurring was getting more pronounced.  
I started down the steps to Seggrit’s shop, what drove her to drink till she passed out this time?  
“Tara” I shifted her trying to keep her from passing out. “Why did you drink so much?” I said it softly as to not give her a headache.  
“Cause I wanted to forget. You know how it is,” She looked at me and leaned her head against my chest.  
“Forget what?” I asked with curiosity.  
“The Past” she passed out in my arms as I turned towards her cottage.  
I felt the same. there were things I would like to forget.  
The Circle.  
Meredith.  
My nights were plagued with everything I had done. was she just as tormented by hers?  
I shifted her higher to open the door to her cottage. It was warm and decorated simply, she did not add much of her own to it.  
Hector, was sitting in the corner enjoying what looked like a small meal of nug meat. He watched me as I laid her on the cot and grabbed the blanket she had around the back of her desk chair. I covered her as best as I could.  
I looked at her. How could she, a woman this beautiful, be so troubled.  
I noticed a piece of faded parchment on her bedside table. I picked it up planning to put it on her desk. I couldn’t help but read the page.

  
===  
_Dear Tara, my beloved grandniece and The Raven of Kirkwall:_  
_The tales have reached me of your latest endeavors sweetheart._  
_I especially like the touch you did with the Comte. He shall be feeling the sting of that for quite some time. When I got your letter I was surprised that you decided to finally tell him._  
_Well done darling, leaving things like that unsaid does not do well for your health._  
_Also, I must say your descriptions of the commander are quite colorful and I hope to meet this handsome man someday._  
_But to business, I have sent some bonds for you to cash so you might get out of Kirkwall._  
_If there is another uprising I could not bear the thought of what might happen to you._  
_I suggest you get swiftly out of Kirkwall for awhile before your father descends._  
_I hear he has another match for you. The bothersome boy never learned his lesson about meddling with destiny._  
_I hope this letter finds you well_

  
_Lady Bann Lucille Trevelyan of Markham_  
_P.S. Darling I have included some of your favorite sweets._  
===

  
I felt some satisfaction that maybe she didn’t hate me after that night. But I should not have pried. I folded and placed the letter on her desk. Glancing back over at her sleeping form I slowly walked out of the cabin. Hoping we could get some time to talk soon.

~

It was the next day I had already had a few pints to prepare myself to deal with people and questions. And to stop the hangover.  
I still didn’t know how I got back to my cottage last night most of it was a blur after the 5th mug.  
I walked into the chantry planning on checking some map movements in the war room. Nodding to Mother Giselle and Vivienne who was enjoying her latest book; it was apparently the book of the month in Orlais.

Josie caught me as I passed her office. “Ah, Lady Trevelyan may I have a moment.” She led me into her office. It was still small but she had spruced it up with some of her personal touches.  
Her use of that title though reminded me of the letter. I kept my mask on; my mother would be proud. I walked over to Josie.  
She sat down on her cushioned chair right behind the desk in the middle of the room. It looked comfortable with red upholstery and stitched with gold filigree, the wood was carved with finesse.  
Perfect for anyone having to deal with nobles all day and every day. The desk was neatly organized with papers and letters being stacked neatly to the sides.  
“Yes, Ambassador?” I walked up to her desk. Hoping she would not notice the ale stain on my pants.  
“I would like to discuss your family.” She said opening up her ink and sliding a quill out of one of the desk drawers.  
Of course, but this was going to be awkward. Another member to know my… secrets.  
“Well this is sudden but I guess someone has to make an honest woman out of me.” I did my best to smile.  
“Oh very funny but this is serious.” She pulled out her quill and started taking notes.  
“So I guess want to know about the 7th most illustrious family in all of Ostwick or is it 8th?” I said trying my best not to show my pain.  
I took a seat in the chair, to not show how unsteady I was. I should not have had that last drink or the three before that. As I was pondering this I almost missed her first question.  
“What I would like is to dispatch a courier to ask the Banns of House Trevelyan to align themselves with us. And Whatever the rank, We should approach your kinsman as friends. What are your thoughts should we approach your family for their support of the Inquisition.?” She looked up with her pen hovering over the page.  
“While I may not be on good terms with my father the Bann, the rest of my family adore politics, the way they scramble for power, you would think we were Orlesian.” I looked away trying not to let anything show.  
“That Depends: how much do they like gold brocade?” she smirked.  
I chuckled at that; maybe she is not so serious after all.  
“People have noted your lineage It gives the inquisition some legitimacy. Though not as much as we hoped.” Writing another note on the parchment in front of her.  
“Why is that?” I said, thinking it was my history.  
“You are from Ostwick. Orlesian nobles consider the Free Marches somewhat… quaint.” She said dipping her quill into the inkwell.  
I was thankful it was not my father’s latest doings.  
“Orlesians are just baffled that we can govern ourselves without an empress holding our hands, not that I care for what the court thinks.” Trying to look prideful. The court could jump into the waking sea for I cared for it.  
“A Peasant might get away with that insult but not someone like you.” She got up and walked over to her bookcase.  
“Also Do not take this lightly. What the court thinks could do more harm to us than the breach.” She pulled down what looked like the DeBrett’s. Lovely she is going to contact any Trevelyan.  
“Regardless it Might be best if you avoid my father right now. He has said he wants to disown me. If you are going to contact them I suggest you do it quickly before that gets around.”  
“Ah, I will try to use tact then” Nodding and sitting back at her desk. Yes, like not mention my name to my father. that would help.  
“Also I should thank you for your patience with the simple quarters. The accommodations here are surely rough for someone of your birth.”  
Heh, she forgets who I was.  
“This must not be what you’re accustomed to lady ambassador?” I grinned. I shifted in my seat attempting to look relaxed.  
“I keep busy, Helps take my mind from the surroundings. And the cold. And the wildlife. And the lack of civilization for miles around.” She said. I could tell that she would rather be in some palace than the rustic mountains.  
She let out a breath “Why anyone lived here before we found Andraste’s ashes, I cannot imagine.”  
“Don’t worry about me Haven is more than livable.” I smiled.  
She looked surprised “Really? If that’s how you feel I am happy to hear it.”  
Wait a minute. I scooted closer to the desk trying to place her face.  
“I’d swear our families have met before,” I said still trying to place her.  
“Perhaps everyone of distinction in the free marches attends Lady Trevelyan’s summer balls.” She replied not looking away from her letter.  
“Ah, Great-Aunt Lucille always did love a party.” And me. She was like a second mother to me, she always sent me letters to ask me how I was doing and if I needed any ‘funds’. She also enjoyed taking advantage of any of my acts against others. I didn’t mind much and I tried to save her letters when I could. She was a bit like me in some ways and enjoyed breaking the rules. She just did it differently.  
As my grandfather’s younger sister she was just as much as a rebel as I was in her day. So now I have taken the mantle as the family’s black sheep and she aids me when she can.  
“I don’t recall seeing you at any of them.” She said starting on her letter. She didn’t see me Cause I was in a dark corner somewhere trying to refuse all the men my father was throwing at me.  
“Attend one ball and you’ll be fending off invitations for a dozen more.” I bluffed. Only ever got the annual one from my Great-Aunt Lucille.  
“That reminds me. The Herald of Andraste has received several invitations from the curious.” Josie looked up at me remembering something.  
“To parties? How many am I getting?” I was shocked. How could they so readily forget my past?  
“only seventeen this month I’m afraid” she looked back to her letter.  
“Only Seventeen this Month! It must be my endless wit and charm.” I said with a smile on my face. A little happy that my father’s actions may not hurt me as much as he wants.  
“Anyway if you are going to be sending letters I suggest you try my Great-Aunt Lucille first. She loves to go through these affairs.” I got up from the chair to leave.  
I hope that this does not come to bite us back.


	5. Let’s Spar

I woke to the sound of my door closing. the dawn was creeping over the horizon, bleeding into my cabin. I looked towards the desk.

There was a large box and two letters. One of which was a folded up parchment. Opened the parchment first It was a note from Josie.

Apparently, this was a package from my great-aunt Lucille and that she has added her support to the inquisition. Good Josie is happy. It continued saying that she kept the letter from Liliana as per my great aunt’s instructions.

I smiled and opened the letter.

  
======

_Dear Tara, my beloved grandniece:_

_I am happy to hear you have found a new place to settle in Honey._

_I heard of your father’s latest stunt, do not worry dear should anything happen, we will still be family. As for your stepmother and siblings, I will see what I can do, the idea that he would forget the core of what it is to be a Trevelyan is an outrage._

_But to happier things I have sent your Nameday gift; happy 30th darling. I hope it is not too early but I had no idea as to the speed of your couriers._

_Please remember our core and use it well._

_With Love_

_Lady Bann Lucille Trevelyan of Markham_

_P.S. What is with this Herald Business? I never took you for being hyper-religious._

======

  
I laughed at her postscript; I will have to write to explain sometime. I looked at the box. I was happy someone had remembered my Nameday.

Most of the time I had spent them in a bar nursing my gift to myself, Ale.

Usually, I am strong but when things like this come up, I just get weak; hard to put on the mask all the time.

I unwrapped the package, and what I saw. It was a beautiful sharp saber. The hand guard was polished and encrusted with silverite; it was orlesian in design, a briquet I think they called it. It reminded me of my mother’s mask. Most likely was my aunt’s intention when she commissioned the blade.

She included a new whetstone in the corner of the box and the sheath was black leather and with soft silver filigree. No one could doubt that my aunt had good taste in swords. She did earn her title in a tourney after all.

I looked back to the letter, She had told me to use it well. On the hilt of the saber was a soft inscription of our core; the family motto “Modest in Temper; Good in Deed”.

It shall remind me every time I use it. I took my gift out of the box and twirled it.

It was well balanced, the smith should be commended. I sheathed the blade and set it onto my belt. I should go practice with it.

I put on my dark green training jerkin and black boots. I brushed off my dark leather pants and opened the door. Hector cawed from behind me. I looked back at him. “Don’t worry Hector I’ll be back why don’t you go flirt with the ladies from Liliana's flock.”

I smiled and closed the door it was calm this morning as I strode to Haven's gate. The sun was starting to peep over the horizon, everyone should be getting up soon. It wasn’t till I opened the gate that I heard I would not be training alone this morning.

I walked out of Haven to the sound of the recruits training ringing in my ears. I looked at the training dummies trying to ignore Cullen’s Lieutenant shouting orders to the trainees. I then noticed a familiar face by the training dummies.

It was Cullen.

He was bare chested wearing his fur over vest for warmth. The dark brown of his trousers only served to accentuate his legs as I started towards him and the training dummies.

They were made of padded iron now as I had promised Cassandra, and he was showing a new recruit some proper sword technique. The recruits hands were shaking like he had never held a blade before. I smiled, Leaning against the weapon rack beside the trainee’s tents.

That’s one of the things that made him different from most commanders, that I knew.

He was never above helping his men. I watched as he took the soldier's hands and corrected his grip. “Remember the sword is an extension of your arm It should always be held firmly. Now..” He turned to strike the dummy in front of him a few times with his own sword.

“See always swing away from the body and never...” he finally noticed me. He smiled and looked at his student. “And never loosen your grip or you will send it flying. Now I want you to practice those maneuvers until you get the motions I just showed you down.”

He turned and strode towards me his sword being held over his shoulder, he looked so relaxed and confident. His dirty blonde waves glimmered in the early morning sun. That was the Cullen I remembered, the relaxed man who would talk to me every day from his window.

I smiled back at him, “Hmm, you are good with them. Maybe I should take lessons, ” He walked towards the weapon rack beside me, “I would be happy to teach you sometime,” he took a swig of water from the pitcher set beside it.

I grinned and walked to his side “So what did your Templar training involve? I am sure it’s nothing like this.”

“Well, there was weapon and combat training. Even without their abilities, Templars are among the best warriors in Thedas. Initiates must also memorize portions of the Chant of Light, study history, and improve their mental focus.” He said. Hmm, mental focus huh?

“I guess you must have enjoyed it?”, my eyes skimmed down the strong lines of his arms and chest. Yes, he must have really enjoyed training. I stretched keeping my eyes on him, He had not let himself go after leaving the Templars, like many do. He cleared his throat; his eyes never leaving my body as I finished stretching . “I wanted to learn everything. If I was giving my life to this, I would be the best Templar I could.” He sheathed his sword His biceps were very… distracting.

“So you were a model student.” I quipped. I took out my saber Twirling it a few times before slashing one of the dummies ahead of me.

He laughed; his smile could rival the maker in my eyes. “I wanted to be. I wasn’t always successful. Watching a candle burn down while reciting the Chant of Transfigurations wasn’t exactly the most exciting task. I will admit, my mind sometimes wandered.” He walked behind me watching my stance. I slashed the Dummy a few more times with more flair than usual.

“Commander Rutherford’s mind wandering to what I wonder?” I asked with a knowing grin. Flirting was definitely in my forte. I used one of my finishers on the dummy. The sword was not accommodating.

He Cleared his throat, “Why… do you ask?”. His hand skimmed his hair to rub the back of his neck. I tried another one of my finishers, it was not working either. I will have to come up with some adjustments to my technique.

I smirked turning to look at him, “Anywhere your mind wanders must be a good place."I twirled my dagger and sheathing it to place it aside my new saber. "So I was just curious.” I kept watching him as he flushed, It’s cute when he is nervous. He is a strong confident man and his lone weakness… Flirting.

“But that’s not why I came down here. Do you want to spar? Never know maybe your trainees could learn something from the show.” I turned and picked up a set of the dull training daggers, not sharp enough to kill or slice but just enough to bruise.

Tucking one of them into my belt I tossed him one of the short swords. “So what do you say, commander? A fight with me after all these years?” He caught the training sword and smiled, "a fight with you? of course.” He sat his true blade aside and slipped off his furs beside it.

He stretched his arms and rolled his shoulders. Every movement he made was strong and well controlled. It suited him, as we strode into position, settling in the opening next to the training tents, stretching our legs and then bowed. “I am sure you remember the rules?” he asked as we started to circle in the open space between the camp and Harrit’s forge. His trainees took notice and slowly started to gather along the sides. The Rylen didn’t stop them, since he was watching as well.

  
The only rule I wanted to remember was 3 points and you win. The rest were footnotes.

  


I grinned At him pulling out a small pouch “I think you are forgetting something commander, I break Rules.” I tossed the pouch up into the air and with a bit of smoke and I vanished. I had to love the mage who taught me this invisibility enchantment.   
His eyes were watching the ground to see where I stood. Smart, I had forgotten the snow. I ducked in close with a flash, batting him on the side. 

He may have strength but I had speed, Hard to hit what you cannot catch; or see for that matter.

“I hope you are keeping track commander,” I dodged away as he swung at my position.  
Circling, I was not going to strike at his back. I may break rules but, I was not underhanded. 

  
I had the first mark, now for two more.

  


He searched for me as I moved to his unguarded side, snow flying in the air with our speed. I rushed once more trying for another strike but he caught me with his free hand.

Dispelling the enchantment.

Pinned against him. Even. I shouldn’t have moved with the snow in the air. I need to remember that. I leaned close.

“So Commander” I smiled twisting my leg behind his own “Why did you join the Order? You always seemed way too smart for them.” he grinned , twisting me away, before I could kick his leg out from under him. “I could think of no better calling than to protect those in need. I used to beg the Templars at our local Chantry to teach me”

I rolled to the edge, close to the growing crowd. I heard Varric's voice, taking bets of all things. The news seems to travel quickly in this small town. I parried his strike and rolled away.

“At first they merely humored me, but I must have shown promise.” He came for me once more, just enough time to parry; again, and slip to the side.

”Or at least a willingness to learn,” re-positioning himself as I moved close to the training racks.

It was Promise, honestly, Cullen was going to be a challenge.

I tucked one of my daggers and picked up one of the training short swords. If my aunt gifted me with one of the things, I guess it’s time to start getting familiar with one, even if I might fail. I moved back into the open ground to avoid any future pins.

His circles slow; like a Predator. “The Knight-Captain spoke to my parents on my behalf. They agreed to send me for training. I was thirteen when I left home.” I watched him, with his relaxed pace. He was having just as much fun as I was. I looked for an opening as I twirled the sword, getting a feel for it in my hand. It’s longer and heavier than I am used to.  
Charging. Our swords clashed.

“Thirteen – that’s still so young.” batting on his side with my dagger.  Trying to distract him with the conversation.

“I wasn’t the youngest there. Some children are promised to the Order at infancy. Still, I didn’t take on full responsibilities until I was eighteen. The Order sees you trained and educated first.” He grabbed my hand, twisting, pushing me away. His strike in the process made us even once again.

“What about your family Cullen – did you miss them?” I enjoyed the rhythm of the fight and our conversation.

We charged at the same time, meeting in the middle. “Of course,” he pushed me away “but I think it’s my turn to ask the questions.”

"ooh am I getting too close commander?" moving back and to the side. He was strong, holding him back was taxing.

I kept my breathing steady. Cannot show weakness, not even here. he shook his head, watching me closely. The crowd was steadily becoming larger.

I smiled, breaking into stealth once more. ”Ask away, commander.” walking in the disturbed snow. Covering my tracks.

There was so much tread now that it made a ring around the white field. I needed to throw him off balance. My eyes following him, It was hard to resist, when he took control. Proud, like a lion, my aunt would adore him.

“Do you miss your family herald?” he asked searching for me. I knew he was trying to locate me since he could not see my movements.

I moved Quiet and steady, Prowling. waiting to strike. He was the lion, I was the raven. Stealth was my shield.

“It depends on whom in my family honestly.” Changing my position. I could see The was crowd growing larger still.

Varric was raking in more bets than he could count. Even Iron Bull was watching now. I flew forward, sliding to trip Cullen at the knees. catching himself before hitting the ground.

Unveiled. “So Commander do Templars take vows? ‘I swear to the Maker to watch all the mages’ and that sort of thing?” I twirled the sword as I circled.

My aunt was right it did suit me. I looked down at Cullen, his back was as well developed as the front. I could have ended it right there, but I owed him honor. It is a duel after all.

He rushed up and knocking me back. Bets were leaning ever closer towards me. I better ask Varric for a cut after this.

“There’s a vigil first. You’re meant to be at peace during that time, but your life is about to change.” He said as walked up to me, I tried to move but I was stuck and silenced. “When it’s over, you give yourself to a life of service.” 

He strode ever closer, his body brimming with energy and mine in stasis.

”That’s when you’re given a philter” he was almost right next to me, I was entranced. ”Your first draught of lyrium” unable to move he knocked my leg forward and caught me, his hot breath on my lips, if only I could move, “and its power.” He held his blade above my neck; the fight was over. Slowly The crowd dispersed, Varric was collecting his winnings. Cullen had won and I didn’t care. He set me back on my feet and proceeded to clean me off. He his amber eyes on mine. There was something distant in them. “As Templars, we are not to seek wealth or… acknowledgment. Our lives belong to the Maker and the path we have chosen.” He said to me, softly. I was finally able to move, Wondering as I took his blade, as I walked over to the training racks, “So it’s a life of service and sacrifice.” I placed the training weapons on the rack I glanced at him, he was watching his men; forever a man of duty, “Are Templars also expected to give up… physical temptations?” I was curious if we had broken the rules in Kirkwall. I wanted to see if there was a chance for us, that small chance that he still wanted me like I did him.

His head snapped to look at me “Physical? Why…”He looked down and cleared his throat “Why would you …?" he paused remembering "That’s not expected. Templars can marry. Although there are rules about it, and the Order must grant permission… Some may choose to give up more to prove their devotion, but it’s, um, not required.” His cheeks flushed and he rubbed his neck.

I kept my eyes on his, moved towards him. “Have you?” I was hoping that we could have more than our tryst in Kirkwall. Even with that last night.

  
☘

I had been waiting for 30 minutes thinking he would never come.

I couldn't let him leave not knowing everything about me.

I was about to do what I always thought when I talked to him through his window, when I slept with him all those nights.

I couldn't leave it like that.

It was just then I heard “Alright Raven, I came alone. Now, what do you want?” I smiled beneath my hood and mask.

He came.

“Did you want me here just so you could gloat?” I hooked my grappler to the side of the roof and eased myself down.

I did my best to look graceful as I came to land on the dirty stone streets. “No, just to talk, but if you want me to gloat I can do that too.” His eyes watched me as I walked out of the shadows.

It was a dark and dank corner of Kirkwall, not the best of meeting places but I was certain he would not want to meet in public. I pressed the retract on my grappler. “Well, that explains the flight bit.” He said.

“Yes, people always seem to jump to magic when they cannot explain something. Or the Maker. but I am no mage.” I stood looking at him. He was so close. “But then considering recent events it should not shock you that they thought me one and asked the Templars to get involved.”

I gestured with my finger for him to move closer.

“And for that I am sorry.” He was in the moonlight now.

The wound Meredith gave him, a scar on his lip. ”What I am not sorry for is having you be the one to chase me.” He moved in and I cracked one of the few lyrium flares I had brought with me.

The magic the emanated from it glowed with a bluish hue. “What I want to know is who I have been chasing the last few years?” he said.

I smiled and took off my hood “Me silly.”

He looked stunned for a moment like he had seen a ghost. “You?” he walked closer “You are the one who I chased all these years?”  
I smiled and nodded at him "Yes, Cullen. It was me, Disappointed? his gaze heated had remained on me.  
Something was different, I just couldn't put my finger on it as he shook his head, "I'm not disappointed. Just shocked that I had not caught you." In the dull blue glow, I saw him move close, I smiled at his small compliment in that statement.  
“I just wanted to say… after all these years.” twirled the flare “ Um. I cannot seem to…” he stepped closer.” Uh, I don’t know what this is. Usually, I can find the words…” I said to him hoping he would understand.  
His lips moved softly against me, It was light at first, questioning, chaste with no thought of more.  
I dropped my flare, He pulled back like he wondered what had gotten into him. “It has been so long… since...” I pulled him towards me, kissing him for myself not caring if I had regrets. Running my hands over his back, If this was forgiveness, then I will happily take it. He knew all of me now, both Raven and Lark. “Don’t...” I whispered wanting to ride out the high as He pressed me to the wall, arms warm around my waist, and the inhalation of his masculine scent. His lips covered mine, like a man starved of love, his knee raised between my legs and arm over my shoulder. I was trapped and I was his prey. The stones at my back, hard and unforgiving.  
I placed my hand on his stubbled cheek, the chill of his pauldrons giving me goosebumps. I ran my fingers over his new scar, I wondered if it hurt like mine did. I sank deeper into him my hands tangled in his hair, the warm leather of his jerkin was smooth, and I could feel every movement. He pulled my hair, my lips tearing away from his. “What are you doing to me?” he asked, accusing me. I leaned back towards him, my hair taught against the wall, wanting him close once more, “It was Nothing you didn’t want.” released, his hand drifted to my shoulder, slowly traveling down to my waist. I pulled in close and kissed him slowly along his new scars. his hands quickly undid my over vest light rings in my ears as he pulled.

☘

I shook my head back to the present, Did I make him break his vows? Cullen looked at me the sweat was gleaming off his chest from the exertion.  “Me?” he stammered “I… um… no. I’ve taken no such vows.” He wiped his brow and ran his hand through his hair, making his waves slick. I was right in front of him just a step away if he wanted me. “Maker’s breath” he swore. “Can we speak of something else?” he glanced at me and I looked at him. A man of duty then, he was the commander after all. I took out my handkerchief and started to wipe his brow. Enjoying the warm touch of his skin, “As much as I like my men fresh after a battle I think our commander should clean up. We have a war table set for this afternoon. We need to discuss our plans for an alliance.” I started to walk away, he grabbed my hand. I looked back at him “Do you ever think about it?” Wondering. “Of Course, Cullen” I smiled and leaving him there shimmering with my handkerchief in his hand.

  


* * *

  


I had a nice rest after our morning's exertions, I thought about the fight as I fed Hector. I loved the duel. Cullen had surprised me with his skill. I knew there was something I liked about him… for a Templar. That stun, I didn’t even expect it. If I had noticed where he hit me in that last attack, the fight might have gone quite differently. I smiled thinking about it. If he had not become a Templar, he would have made a wonderful rogue. I continued to smile as I walked out of my cabin.

Cullen was waiting outside my door. Why is he here, Waiting? It didn’t matter I needed to see him anyway. I knew I should tell him my plans alone. “Cullen” I glanced at him. “I plan on getting the mages to help us.” He went into commander mode immediately. What ever was on his mind was gone, “But I still think the Templars…” I cut him off

“Are not without merit.” I turned “But the mages seem more open to the alliance”

“But there could be blood mages and abominations among them.” he raised his voice thinking I disapproved.

“I may offer them alliance but I will not let them go without being monitored. We both know what happens with no supervision.” I looked meaningful at him.

”Yes but, why alliance?” he implored. I knew he would rather remake the circle.

“Conscription and the Circle just puts us back where we started and that is not an option.” I started toward the chantry.

“Then we should train some of the men to spot magical corruption.” He replied

“Yes, I am sure Vivienne will agree but, keep it to yourself and those you trust. We cannot have our future allies thinking we want to shove them in a new circle and toss the key.” I took a moment to pause I thought of the encounter with the Templars; I was never one to give up a chance at an asset. “Who was it that told us of the Templars location?”

“Ser Barris” he replied hopefully.

“Yes have him see if he can get anyone to leave. Something is not right about Lord Seeker Lucius. Even he should see that.” We stood there outside the Chantry.

“Why me? Why not the ambassador?” he asked. I wished he didn’t always put himself down.

“Because Cullen.” I looked him in the eye. “You know exactly what he will have to go through. And you know how hard that is.”

He had that distant look once more. Where had his mind wandered? “Yes... I will see what I can do”

I nodded, “Good, the most important thing is that we try. Oh and Cullen?” I glanced back at him.“When we meet with the others pretend we never had this conversation. I would hate for them to think I give you... preference.” I gave one him of my roguish grins and entered the chantry.


	6. In Our Hearts

 

We had finally gained our first major ally to the Inquisition. Apparently, the rebel mages had no idea we were coming and subjugated themselves to a Tevinter Magister, Alexius. At first, we had reason to suspect him; we only had it confirmed by one of his protégés Dorian Pavus.  
Alexius had used time magic to steal the mages from under us. Apparently, his master wanted him to get rid of me. He almost did by flinging Dorian and me into the future. It was nightmarish, red lyrium growing everywhere, even out of people’s bodies. Not a pretty picture, we then learned of his plans to assassinate Empress Celene and cause chaos throughout Orlais.

We finally got back after fighting a distraught Alexius and the self-sacrifice of our friends and Lilianna. The Tevinter magister surrendered immediately as we reached the present. All was well until King Alistair showed up to crash the party. He was quite upset and banished the rebel mages from Ferelden. I had reminded Fiona that we did come for an alliance and our partnership was born.  
My fellow advisors were not pleased. But what’s done is done and the inquisition does not rescind a promise of support without cause.  
I walked to Cullen’s office to talk about the Templars. We will need them to at least help monitor the mages, not cage them.

I knocked on his door. No answer.

I slowly opened it to see him sleeping in his desk chair.  
He was out of his formal armor with just his dark brown jerkin and slacks with his fur vest was draped over his chest.  
One of his men must have covered him. I watched him as I slipped in and closed the door softly.  
At first, he seemed peaceful but as I came closer to him I noticed the sweat on his brow and that he was muttering to himself.  
I shook his shoulder “Commander?” he didn’t wake.  
“Cullen,” I said loudly. He jumped awake and looked at me, eyes glazed over, "Cullen, it's just me". Breathing was still ragged, as he breathed deeply,“Tar... Herald, what are you doing here?” He said rubbing the back of his head trying to recompose himself.  
He never had vivid dreams as bad as this in Kirkwall, what happened since I last saw him? “I came to discuss the Templars but now I am a bit more concerned about you.” I moved over to his bedside table to grab the rag that was laying there. Did he have these often?  
“You shouldn’t be. You have other….” I cut him off “I have time. Did you have a bad dream?” I always would have time for him, I handed him the rag for his brow.  
“Yes but, I could use a distraction” While I could think of many things to distract him with, I knew what he wanted. “So how did the letter go commander?” I asked him Even though was still concerned by the dream.  
“No good I have not gotten any reply from Barris or any other Templar for that matter.” He said trying to shuffle his paperwork into some organized fashion.  
I let out a breath, “What could have made them drop off the map like this?” I thought back to my brother even when his duties, kept him from home he always sent letters.  
Cullen looked just was worried as I was. I needed to get some air, he could use it too, I think.  
“Um Care to go for a walk?” I fingered my sword; He looked away from his paperwork to me. “It might help us take our minds off things,” I said walking up to him. “I still have a lot of paperwork to complete. And..”  
“And it can wait. We don’t need our commander working himself to death.” covering his hand on the desk. I met his eyes, hoping he would say yes.  
He put down this latest letter “um alright. We can go for a walk.” We proceeded out of his office and down the chantry hall in silence.  
I kept wishing he would say something.  
“So time travel?” he asked. We walked past Varric’s tent. I grimaced, “Yeah, it was weird and none of it pleasant.”  
He nodded as we reached the gate, A future with out me.... Was not a happy sight. Red lyrium about growing out of people.....  
“We could have lost you,” he said glancing at me taking me from my thoughts as we made our way past the trainee’s tents.  
“I Know” I looked at my feet. I knew I was taking a risk with that meeting they had warned me quite a bit. We slowly drifted closer, “Why did you go then?”  
“Cause the people need us to seal the breach.” it was my duty, I was the only one with the solution, this blessing or whatever it was had been bestowed upon me. I owed it to Thedas and its people to close it.  
He watched as I pondered my mark, it eerie glow always got brighter near rifts, the breach the most. we rounded the corner from the trainee’s tents. “The people do need us but we would not have had the chance without you.”  
I looked back at him, I remembered thinking, asking about where he was in that horrible future we saw. no one would tell me. If he was gone if he had fallen… I don’t want to think about it. He must…he moved closer. “I don’t know what we would do if you were gone…”, was it we or himself, I smiled at the idea, that maybe.  
I had to take a chance. I kissed his cheek. “Thank you for trying with the Templars,” I said Hoping he Still wanted me, after all of this time, not to hate me for being what I was. I tried to walk away, wishing I had the guts to just tell him that I still wanted him after all this time.  
He caught my hand and pulled me back, catching me against his chest.  
Where was the bashful man from a few minutes ago? He tilted my head up and his hot breath tickled my lips, just hovering, meeting me softly, slowly, toying with the scar on my lower lip. My belt fell away as we melded his hands traced the lines of my back, meeting my waist, slowly leading me back against the rough bark of a tree. It had been so long, I traced the lines of his neck and shoulders, wanting to be closer as I tilted my head allowing him to enter, entwined as we tried to forget, forget the reasons we shouldn't be doing this, the past pains, the loss. He pulled back, His amber eyes meeting mine, I wanted him still, it was true despite everything, I pulled him back kissing his scar, meeting his lips, moving down to nurse his neck wishing for more. working the soft leather laces keeping his shoulders from me, I groaned, He was hard against my hip. I heard the soft growl and the snapping of the hooks of my leather over vest, breaking in as my lips grazed the soft valleys of his shoulder, his smell, Leather, fur, sweat, so many new notes and yet still uniquely him. Our soft sighs of pleasure as his warm hands cupped my breasts through my jerkin, grazing the hard tips. I moaned with want, trying to remember why we shouldn't be doing this. His hand drifted below my trousers, "Maker, still no smalls Tara?" I gasped as he started rolling his finger over me, "You know me Cullen, no wedgies in my line of work," he chuckled before covering my lips, toying with me, taking in every moan and gasp. I wanted more as we heard the patrol coming, we broke away, brushing ourselves off as I put my outerwear back on. His cheeks were flushed like mine, was it heat or embarrassment? I felt awkward, for just standing there as the soldiers passed.  
“Well, I um.... Yes, I better go and rest, ...for our assault on the breach.” I didn’t even look behind me to see if he followed. I walked quickly back to my cabin not sure of what just happened. it was so fast feverish even and yet why did I do it? soon I will close the breach and it will be over. Would he still want me then? when I am no longer needed here? Why would he even want me a Criminal and a piss poor noble? Soon to just be a Criminal, if my father had his way.  
When there was nothing I could offer an honorable man like him.

I should just forget that we ever happened because He deserves better.

~  
Exhausted still and now frustrated as I watched her rush back to town.  
She seemed almost as embarrassed as I was.  
Why can I not just tell her that I still wanted her? I feel like Fool whenever she starts flirting with me. My words get tied up every time I look into those soft blue-green eyes of hers. Even in our duel, she was toying with me at every moment. She moves with such grace and finesse, that it's hard for me not to watch her.  
I walked towards the training camp. Since I was here, I might as well check in with Rylen. if only to distract me from the nightmare. I was at the circle again. trapped and.... No, don’t think about it.  
The dreams are getting worse and I knew it, But she woke me.  
How long had she watched?  
I can only hope she can seal the breach and then maybe I could tell her.

 

* * *

 

We had sealed the breach it was now calm. The townsfolk were already partying about the town. Felissa had declared free drinks in the tavern and I was just sitting here watching it all. My hand was still in pain after the endeavor. It always hurt after I sealed a rift, but it had never lasted this long.  
Still, something was not right, took out my throwing daggers and checked its edge. After ensuring it was still sharp I started twirling it. It was always good to practice re-positioning your blades, But it was more of a nervous habit than real practice.  
I was about to go join the others. I stood up, soft footsteps echoed behind me, could it be Cullen? I glanced to see Cassandra walking up to meet me, “Solas confirms the heavens are scarred but calm. The breach is sealed”  
“That’s good.” will I still be needed after this? the main threat was gone, will he need me?  
“We have reports of lingering rifts and many questions remain, but this was a victory. Word of your heroism has spread.” good notoriety if my friends didn't know where I was they will know now.  
“You know how many were involved, it was just luck and…” I held up my hand, the eerie glow still emanating from it, “this that put me at the center.”  
“A strange Kind of luck. I am not sure if we need more or less But you're right this was a victory of alliance. One of the few in recent memory. With the breach closed that alliance will need a new focus.” Cassandra had started watching the celebration below with me, will this new focus of ours include me or was I free to go? I had no time to ask as we heard the echoing crashes of armor through the valley; the warning bell rang out.  
I heard Cullen yelling, rallying his men, “Forces Approaching! To Arms!”  
The townsfolk stood trapped by fear, maybe I was still needed after all, “What the…" she drew her sword, "We must get to the gates.” Cassandra started off with not a thought. the soft laughter from Dorian came up from behind me “There is Never a dull moment for you southerners is there?” he asked.  
“That is an understatement, Dorian. I just hope we have more refreshments cause it looks like we have company.” he laughed harder as we jumped down next to Varric's small camp, “I knew it was too easy,” Varric was already prepping Bianca,  
A few loud crashes and Sera and Iron Bull soon joined us from the bar. Thankfully they still had their weapons and their heads.  
Sera looked at me “this isn’t good and it was never good!”  
“Well could be worse… “ she stopped me “don’ say it.”  
"You can at least hit this one." I smiled, hoping to keep morale high, but she was right, this is not good.  
Ironbull rushed towards the gates, ”So celebratory drinks are on hold?”  
Good, if we make it, I am going to need a drink.  
I made it to Haven’s gate; the lone entrance unless they climbed the walls. Cassandra nodded, looking just as worried as Cullen was, “Cullen?”  
“One Watch Guard Reporting a massive force the bulk of which is over the mountain”, he looked even more strained than he was this afternoon as he looked at us.  
Josie came up from behind “Under What banner?”  
“None,” he said  
“None?!” Josie was Aghast and shocked. no chance to smooth this all over then? wonderful, we are not ready for this, not at all.  
I was about to ask what the plan was, I had never done a full siege like this and I never wanted to.... a loud bang and crash from Skirmish sounded from outside the gates.  
“I can’t come in unless you open.” A soft worried male voice cried from behind the door.  
I pushed open the gate to see a pile of bodies circled around a young man, stood up after he had quickly dispatched his last pursuer; I hope.  
He had a large cloth brimmed hat capped with iron and leather straps held up both ends so he could see out of the large brim. His Clothes though Tattered were well kept, a simple cotton shirt with some batting on his right shoulder and leather pants that were well fitting but unbuckled at the bottom to show simple footwear. His calm pale face looked like he needed a few days rest.  
His soft eyes met mine as he closed in on me,“I’m Cole. I came to Warn you. To Help. People are coming to hurt you. But you probably already know.” He said oddly.  
“What is this? What is going on?” I asked trying to get some sense out of him.  
Cole leaned in close, I smelled nothing even though he was dripping with sweat, “The Templars Come to kill you.”  
Cullen stepped in between us and Cole backed off as if shocked by something. “The Templars! Is this the Order’s response to our alliance with the mages?! Attacking Blindly!”  
“The red templars went to the Elder One” Cole said looking at Cullen.  
Cole turned back to me, “You know him?” he stepped closer “ He knows you, you took his mages,” he pointed to the mountain side.  
I pulled out my Scope and directed it to where he was pointing. This did not look good. A huge contingent of templars was coming for us, most were glowing with a red aura. an aura I was all too familiar with. This is not good, Red Lyrium was growing out of some like boils. Just like that horrid future Dorian and I saw.  
I moved looked to the hill where I saw two figures standing alone. The first one I recognized, It was Sampson, and The years did not treat him well. His armor had the same red hue as his forces. I had never seen anything like this… Elder One before though. He was tall well over 6 feet, Red crystals were growing out of every orifice of his body. What once was a man I assumed was now a monster. I passed my scope to Cullen as Cassandra checked our defenses, “it's Sampson, Cullen. But This elder one, I don't know what he is.” Cullen muttered something but I never got the chance to hear what it was.  
“He is Very Angry that you took his mages,” Cole was looking towards the elder one. I just hope Cullen as a plan, cause right now I don’t.  
“Cullen, Give me a Plan. Anything,” I asked taking back my scope, please have a plan.  
Cullen was thinking on his feet, “Haven is no Fortress if we are to withstand this… Monster. We must control the Battle.” his eyes met mine, filled with worry, “Get out there and Hit that Force. Use everything you can”  
Cullen, Turning to our troops “Mages, Men, You have sanction to engage them. That is Sampson and He will not make it easy,” his blade drawn and pointed at the oncoming sea of red ” Inquisition, With the Herald. For your Lives. For All of Us.”  
Blackwall ran up to us as the men surrounded me awaiting my orders. “Why do I think assaulting the sky drew some attention,” He said.  
“Blackwall that is the understatement of the age,” I Chuffed.  
Remembering our new trebuchets, I looked to the men, I finally had an idea.  
“Alright, Men we are going to fire at the mountain. we need to block out the valley and make a choke point.”  
I pointed to the first contingent “I want you guys to get to the south Trebuchet, have it ready on the double.”  
I moved to the second contingent “Cover the north road I don’t want any rude surprises as we get these trebuchets ready.”  
That left the last group with me “And you lot Come with me we are going to get this Trebuchet ready.” We split up in all directions, I only hoped this avalanche plan will work, cause if not we are screwed. The red templars Kept coming, blood spilled on pure white snow, there were endless. there was no sign from the south as the first trebuchet was in place, what was taking them so long? “Team we Have to get the south trebuchet ready. Men stay on your guard and wait to fire till you see the flare.”  
The south was going to be harder than I thought as I saw the men on the ground overrun by the red templars. Varric yelled “we got to take them out” as we rushed in, Sera taking out as many templars as she could. Bull taking out one of the bruisers with his ax as Dorian's fireballs flew through the air. Blackwall kept me safe as I slowly cranked the siege into position.  
“Sera Fire the Flare!” I yelled as I launched the first volley into the mountainside, thankfully we both hit the mountain at the same time. The loud crash snow came rushing down on any templars that were in the valley.  
At first, There was hope and Then I saw.  
Maker, It’s a fucking dragon, “Everyone Get Back Now” I yelled pulling Bull by the arm. This is not a fight worth having, Not Like this. The creature's fire blew the siege to bits. Not Just any dragon It looked like an Arch Demon.  
“ No No No, shite, damn, piss, no.” Sera was saying to herself and she was not the only one swearing.  
I looked at Cassandra, We knew that staying outside of haven at this point was hopeless. We came to the forge and Blackwall broke off to assist Harrit in getting his gear.  
We continued running as he broke the door down if I lived Blackwall was getting a drink on me, The Dragon fire was falling all around the village.  
Haven Was Burning.  
Cullen ushered all of us all in, “Move it.” He motioned for the guards to Bar the gate, “Everyone to get to the chantry it’s the only thing that might hold against that beast.” his concern as looked at me, told me everything, “At this point make them work for it.” It was then we heard Lysette, one of the few templars who had joined us; Thankfully. “They are Coming over the wall” she shouted and drew her blade. As much as I love fighting, I was not keen on unnecessary self-sacrifice. I told Lilianna as such when she was going to kill a traitor, yes, but an asset for us if we caught and used him. We jumped in and fought off the templars; for now.  
“ Lysette, I want you to take a few men and go get Seggrit, that's an order.” She quickly saluted me and ran off towards Seggrit’s house. “ Rest of us split up” I turned to Iron Bull and his crew. "Iron Bull take the Chargers and protect the chantry until we all arrive.”  
“on it, Boss,” he said turning to his men.  
“Varric, Go check on Adan” Dorian then Chimed in “I’ll Help you then.” He followed Varric.  
Cassandra ran to catch up with Cullen that just left Sera and me to check the tavern.  
But first.  
“Sera I have to get some things from my house.” I ran to my cabin as fast as I could. Opening the door I grabbed my supplies and my letters.  
Thankfully I kept the habit of always being prepared to run.  
I Rushed over to Hector's cage in the corner And let him out. “Hector go find Lilianna, She will keep you safe.” He flew off into the night over the flames of the burning village.  
I turned back to Sera. “Alright, let’s go, time to play hero.” She snickered for a moment as we ran towards the Bar. We heard Shouting, it was Felissa.  
Sera said as we looked for a way in, “Sounds like someone is in there. “ We jumped into one of the windows that was not covered in flames. Felissa had gotten trapped by some debris.  
I saw blood.  
Sera and I had started moving the debris as fast as we could before more came down.  
“Felissa, I hope I still get my free drink after all this is done” I grunted she laughed weakly. We finally got the debris off, the blood was coming from a nasty gash on her leg. “Sera, did you bring any Potions”  
“Frig, Wha’ you think I have that for. We were just drinkin’. An' Boom." she waved her arms "I was happy just ta have my bow before shite came down.”  
I nodded. I took some of Felissa’s skirt “ First of all I am sorry for this” I said to her. I took my dagger out and ripped a long Strip off the bottom of her overskirt.  
I quickly tied it tightly around her thigh. “Alright Sera, help me get her up,” knocking down one of the weaker doors, We slowly carried Felissa out of the bar.  
Only to hear the roof collapse behind us.  
“Frig, Tha’ was close,” Sera said as we saw Dorian and Varric come up running behind us.  
“Sorry, but we brought company,” Dorian cried.  
There were Adan and Maneive running as fast as they could from a large being made of red lyrium.  
“And you didn’t kill it why?” I shouted at him as we carried felissa as fast as we could.  
Varric snorted “ He ran out of lyrium Potions.”  
“And here I thought you were perfect Dorian.” I said trying to laugh; I loved our jabs at each other.  
I must talk with him more after this; if I live.  
“Tara, You wound me,” we needed to get to the chantry were bull and his Chargers were guarding the entrance.  
The Being almost caught up with us if not for Krem taking out its legs.  
“Dorian remind me to send Krem a bonus,” I said as I dodged one of the addled templar's blades.  
Everyone was Rushed inside the chantry.  
Chancellor Roderick was at the door to greet us, he was grabbing his abdomen and his white and red robes were stained with blood. “Everyone get in," he took a deep breath "The chantry is your shelter.”  
Iron bull and the Chargers fell back into the chantry as we closed the gates. Solas was helping Mother Giselle, and Bull’s medic to tend to the wounded. Vivienne and Fiona were taking charge of the mages in the corner; I couldn't tell who was winning the war for command. Blackwall and Cassandra were getting the soldiers to check all the exits. I was relieved when one of the guards took Felissa from Sera and myself.  
a small grunt of pain came from behind me as I looked to see Roderick starting to collapse. Cole caught him and slowly got him to place sit down, “He tried to stop a templar. he’s going to die,” Cole said plainly.  
“What a charming boy,” Rodrick was Strained, Cole was right, He did not look good.  
Cullen was behind me. I was relieved He had made it through the horde, but things were not going well for us.  
”Herald, our position is not good that dragon stole back anytime you might have earned us,” he said what was on both of our minds.  
Cole was kneeling next to the chancellor, “I’ve seen an archdemon. I was in the fade but It looked like that,”  
Cullen just shook his head in frustration ”I don’t care what it looks like. It’s cut a path for that army. They’ll Kill everyone in Haven.”  
Cole's voice was still flat, “The elder one doesn’t care about the village he only wants the herald”  
I kneeled to meet Cole's eyes, “ Then how do I stop him?”  
“It won’t be easy he has a dragon,” he was shaking his head.  
“Herald there are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. we could turn the remaining trebuchet cause one last slide.” Cullen's plan was suicide, “But Cullen, we are over run to hit the enemy we would have to bury Haven,” I said standing up, I knew what he was suggesting, I just didn’t want to hear it.  
Cullen moved close with pain in his eyes. ”We're Dying, but we can decide how. Many don’t get that choice.”

Roderick looked at us and then towards the war room, Cole looked at him intently with some understanding slowly crossing his features. ”Yes, that. Chancellor Roderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies.”  
Roderick struggled to speak “there is a path you wouldn’t know it unless you made the summer pilgrimage, as I have. The people can escape. She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me so I could... tell you.” He coughed.  
“What are you on about, Roderick?” I asked him, he had a plan? he wanted to help, I saw this dying man in a new light as he struggled to stand, “ It was wim that I walked the path, I did not mean to start it was overgrown but now with so many in the conclave dead. To be the only one that remembers. Ha.ha.” he coughed ” I don’t know if this simple memory can save us. This could be more than mere accident. You could be more.”  
His eyes met mine, he was putting his faith in me. I understood I will not fail, a dying man deserves his last wish.  
“What about it Cullen will it work?” I looked at him, taking everything in every last feature of the one man... the one man I have ever wanted.  
“Possibly, if he shows us the path." I stood as he said it, good. He tried to look at me as I contemplated my fate, "What of your escape?”  
I wish he hadn’t asked, I couldn’t bear look at him.  
We both knew what I was going to have to do, the elder one wanted me and only me. I had to be the bait.  
“Perhaps you will surprise it. Find a way,” I memorized the tones of his voice as he hoped I would live.  
I was silent, it was futile for me to hope. We had to resign ourselves. I can only hope they escape.  
He turned to his forces and Cole moved to pick Rodrick up, “Inquisition follow Chancellor through the chantry. Move!”  
Cole started to carry Roderick to the passage, “Herald” I looked at Rodrick “If you are meant for this if the inquisition is meant for this, I’ll pray for you.” He panted painfully. I nodded and let Cole carry him, the most faithful man away.  
I couldn’t Let more people Die. if this elder one wants this, wants me.  
I’ll let him have me,  
On my terms.  
I opened the Doors between me and the monsters.  
I was going to miss Haven.  
I had gotten used to this quiet cold town and our people, My people.  
So many have sacrificed themselves this night.  
If by some miracle, that I live through this, the elder one will pay!

* * *

I awoke to an icy cavern, I could see my breath and the icicles were long and heavy.

There was what looked like an old passage ahead of me. I was.... alive, for now. My only choice was to move forward.  
I set off one of my Lyrium flares and continued forward into the cold cavern.  
thoughts rushed through about how I ended up here...

Fire, the fire just suddenly flooded in around me as I finished reading the trebuchet.  
The Beast had landed and behind me strode its master, Appearing through the flames.  
I couldn’t make any sense of anything this elder one was telling me.  
Stopping his plan to rise to godhood and he kept calling my mark the anchor.  
I told him I was not afraid and I would tell him nothing. He didn’t care, as he tried to take the anchor from my hand.  
This crazed lunatic; This elder One; Corypheus, threw me against the armed trebuchet.  
I smiled, proud that I had spited him, ruining the his mark with my work.  
He had failed and he was going to kill me, I knew it.  
I just had to keep him talking.  
Keep him talking until the flare fired.  
_Let the blade pass through the flesh,_  
I started making my last prayers to the maker, hoping he would hear me even if we were never close.  
For I was going to end it all.  
_Let my blood touch the ground,_  
And then I saw it.  
The light just over the mountains, everyone was safe.  
He was Safe.  
_Let my cries touch their hearts._  
I ended the charade as I met the magister's eyes.  
It's finally over....  
_Let mine be the last sacrifice._  
I smiled at the man turned monster, “Your arrogance blinds you. Good to know. If I am dying it’s not today.”  
And I fired, at the mountaintop over haven.

It was futile, the dragon just flew off taking the beast with it. I tried to outrun from the oncoming rush of snow. Once the debris hit as if by some fate it knocked me into a crevasse.

This cave. Had the maker heard me? I will never know. I moved forward, slowly.

The path, long and narrow, the cold damp bleeding into my clothes.

I was relieved to see an exit when two demons sprouted up in front of me with no rift in sight.  
I was about to fight them when suddenly my hand started glowing fervently and created a mini-rift right in front of me. It sucked the demons in and back into the fade.  
I thought _close_ and it closed. I thought open and another one appeared... Great, more weird shit.

Varric is going to love this one. I closed the rift I had created as my palm tingled with pain.

Outside the cave was a wide expanse of snow everywhere I could see. The winds were blowing it all around making it hard to see anywhere but beyond a few feet.

I started to shiver and shake, snow getting into my eyes as it fell. The wolves were howling in the distance; they were haunting.  
There was no choice.  
I had to move forward.  
To keep going.  
Tell them of this Corypheus and everything he told me.

I had to find… **Cullen**.

I stepped out into the snow.

* * *

  
I had been walking for what seems like forever now, only ever seeing evidence of campfires.  
Chilled to my bones, I don’t think I can go on any further.  
Stiff, I covered my mouth with my hands trying to warm them, warm myself, My lips Burned. Shivering, I reached a narrow crevasse.  
So Cold, I don’t even know if I can walk any further.  
I Can't....  
Maker Please....  
That's when I heard the shouting and I had been saved.  
“There it’s her.”  
It was his voice.  
“Thank the maker,” and Cassandra.

I fell to my knees.

Not caring because I was safe, in his arms.

It started to fade, his warm voice telling me to hold on.  
**~**

She’s Alive.

I ran to her falling body to hold her. “Tara, Hold on,” She looked at me and just smiled softly smiled as her eyes closed. Her body was as cold as ice as I lifted her up, She sighed through her blue lips and shivered in my arms. I kept her close as I covered her with my fur cloak, She needed it more than I ever did. I started to carry her back to camp knowing I needed to tell her. I wanted to tell her but first, we need to find a place. I just hoped she will live long enough for me to tell her. All I could think of was that she couldn’t die yet. We needed her, I needed to tell her. I thought of when we first met, all those years ago in Kirkwall.

☘  
It was going to be a long day today. The news of the latest Criminal in Kirkwall was getting around. The nobles were not happy with a possible magic thief running around the city. Meredith had tasked me with their case, concerned that it could be an apostate behind it all. Anything for the Order. if it was a mage, then they needed to be brought in and placed in the circle. uncontrolled magic was dangerous, my time in Ferelden taught me that.  
I got up from my bunk to my wash basin. I prepared my face to shave. This Raven was a total mystery to us. The only descriptions we had received were of a dark figure that flew and went unseen. only evidence we had of the crimes were the missing artifacts and small notes left behind. soft humming from outside broke me from my thoughts. That was new, much had not changed about my mornings since I had first arrived here. I looked out my window to see a woman at a grindstone with some scrap metal. She was a vision, with long dark hair and pale skin, dressed in a simple cotton shirt and leather trousers, I knocked over the empty pitcher from the wash stand. She looked up quickly, seeking the source of the sound, and her light emerald eyes met mine. “Well, Hello,” she sighed, relaxed like it was only me. her features were soft with a small scar on the left corner of her lower lip. I wiped off my face, "sorry about that."  
“it's no problem," she lifted the small blade she was working on, "You must be my neighbor,” she twirled it, “Pleasure to meet you. I’m Tara.” She threw the knife she had made into a small target made from scrap wood. It landed dead center.  
“Cullen.” I smiled most people are too scared to talk to us but, She is definitely did not seem scared of templars. “You know not many people want to live next to the templar barracks.”  
She smiled , “Oh? Don’t know why," She looked down my body, her eyes taking me in, "I find the view from here quite nice.” she pulled a new piece of scrap out of her pile pre-formed blanks, checking the balance of the metal before she started working it into a blade.  
I watched her as she continued to work the metal, “Most don’t like the idea that we deal with the rogue mages here, ” her deft fingers were rolling the form across the stone, sharpening it.  
She laughed as though the thought of a rogue mage was ludicrous, ”Ah, Well, Don’t worry. I have confidence that you templars could keep any abominations in check,” she kept her soft eyes to the blade.  
“So I have not seen your face before around here. Are you new to Kirkwall?” I put my shirt on hoping to learn more of my new neighbor, could never be too careful. Not in a place like Kirkwall.  
She took her eyes away from her work, “Yes and No, new to living here but I visited when I was younger," She smirked "I enjoyed the people.” she was glib as she threw her latest knife into the target.  
“Not many do.” I grabbed my Belt, her blade had landed dead center once more.  
“I have to ask, is this an interrogation sir?” She got up from the stand and dusted herself off.  
“No, not unless you want it to be.” She was skilled and good at forming blades, though the blade was made a little too quick. Was her grindstone enchanted? Was I enchanted?  
I watched her dark brown tied hair swaying the breeze as she pulled the knives out of the target.  
"So what Do you do that requires so many throwing knives that you must make them yourself?" I asked.  
She was new and skilled.  
The Raven was new and skilled.  
It could be her.  
She smiled at me as she placed the new blades on the table behind her,“ If you must know Knight-Captain.”  
How did she know I was knight-captain? I had only just been promoted last week.  
”I’m a Mercenary, and smithing and fabricating is a hobby of mine, never know when you will need a good knife,” she said as though answering my thoughts,"Maybe I will see you around?” She asked shifting her curved figure to place a hand on her hip.  
I need to keep an eye on her, ”I don’t know, do you work Kirkwall often?”  
she set the blades on the table, “I work where I am needed." her tone darkened, "And Kirkwall needs Us the most." she turned to me her hand still on her hip, "So yes."  
She fingered her lower lip, “But I guess I will have to make it a point to work out here more often," She smiled softly her eyes meeting mine, I slipped on my training gear her eyes watching my every move, "And why is that?" She leaned on the banister, " I'd Hate to think you cannot keep an eye on me," She smiled, " Cullen.”  
☘

Her body was still as I carried her into camp.  
Whispering to her the entire way to hold on just a little longer.  
I Hoped we were not too late, when I handed her over to Mother Giselle and the healers.  
I needed to tell her.  
I needed her to live.  
"Commander," Mother Giselle Took me from my thoughts, "We need someone to lay next to her to warm her up."  
I volunteered.


	7. Skyhold

Inquisitor, a new title.  
Just what I needed, I barely survived haven with just all of it seeming to be a blur. Solas had led us to a new sanctuary, Skyhold. An ancient fort secluded in the mountain side. At least it was more hospitable than Haven ever was but, I was still going to miss my cabin on the side of that quaint little town.  
I came out of my new room hoping that this would be a good day.  
Sera Was Waiting for me at the end of the hall. Clearly, something was bothering her.  
” So, Inquisitor. It’s Inquisitor now, right,?” She swayed on her feet.  
“I guess so.” I said to her wondering where this was going.  
She moved closer to me “Remember that war we talked about stopping? Full of little baddies I could Stick with little arrows?” She didn’t give me a chance to answer before she scowled “ **That’s Not a Frigging Archdemon, is it**!” She stepped back and swore “Andraste, What’d I step in?”  
“Let me know what she says, I could use some clarification myself.” I quipped Hoping to break the tension.  
“It’s Swearing, Not Praying, She Doesn’t Answer.” she looked away and pouted “Not like she’s supposed to.” I started Down the stairs to the training yard.  
She turned her head back to me and followed “I know what happened to you," she peeked over my shoulder " Or what everyone thinks happened," she stopped on the stairs a moment I paused waiting for her. "It seems… I don’t know what it seems.”  
I shrugged and continued down “Oh, I don’t know, the ancient thing trying to kill us seems pretty real to me.” I hoped to cheer her up. Something she could hit with her stabby arrows as she would say.  
She chuffed as we reached the end of the stairs “Don’t get me started. Oh, wait, too late, right? A magister who cracked the “black city”.”  
I leaned against the stairs watching her features soften “It’s a hazy dream, right? I mean, If it’s _Real_ Real, then the seat of the Maker? Real Thing. A seat needs a Butt, So the Maker? Real thing.” pleading for me to tell her it was not real.  
She was Clearly troubled by what happened at haven, I was as well, to be honest, But at this point, stuff like this was clearly normal.  
“Fairy Stories about the start _and_ end of the world? Real things.” upset again, looking down at her feet “It’s too far, innit? I just want to plug the sky hole rubbish so I can go Play.” She said everything I wanted to as well.  
But I needed to remind her why she joined, “Sera, You joined to help the “little people” caught in this. But do you believe or not?” shifting my feet.  
“In Andraste?” she stopped a moment,” Of course.” Crossing her arms.  
“But you Doubt What you’re seeing and hearing? Come on Sera this is not like you.”  
She looked away from me. “It Can’t Be _True_ true. Even Fanatics don’t want to be this right.” Her eyes met mine, “Look, I have Arrows. I can make this Coryphellius believe in those, Good Enough?” nodding, muttering to herself “Please be good enough.”  
I smiled, getting off the wall, “That's the Sera I know. Keep calling it nonsense, that perspective will keep us grounded.”  
She grinned back “Oh, I can do that. Sure could use a few more people shouting “No.” We fight, the bad things go away, Everyone calms down and everything goes back to normal. A Nice well Paid Normal”  
“I'll Drink to that, but you Better watch out Sera, You’re starting to not sound completely Crazy, ” I smirked hoping to get a laugh.  
“I know. Scary, Innit? So bring it on! But First Food. I’m Starving.”  
"I'll Catch up later " I smiled, She started off towards the tavern. Good. I needed a friend in all this mess.  
I started down the stairs towards the stables, hoping to find our latest member to our odd dysfunctional little family.  
Instead, I saw Cullen making plans and ordering troop movements at the table he set up by the medic tents.  
I smiled, I still remember waking to find his furs covering me keeping me warm.  
I still had not thanked him. I stood there to watch the man at work.“ The order was sent?” he asked the soldiers around the little shabby table.  
“Yes Commander” one of them replied. Cullen looked down at his map that the scouts had made up.” Send men to scout the area we need to know what's out there” he ordered them.  
“Yes Ser” and they left.  
Another scout came up to him shortly afterward. ”Commander soldiers have been assigned temporary quarters,” the scout said; I think his name was Timothy.  
Cullen nodded he noticed me but kept looking at his map “Very good. I will need an update on the armory as well.”  
Tim toyed with his glove looking at Cullen. He was always a bit oblivious to what Cullen wanted him to do.  
Cullen glared at Tim “ **Now**!” he ran off. I chuckled to myself as I walked my way up to Cullen's table.  
He rubbed the back of his head and looked at me. The dark shadows under his eyes told me he had not slept.  
“We set up as best we could at Haven. But we could never prepare for an archdemon or whatever it was, with some warning we might of…”  
I smirked and asked, “Do you ever sleep?” A workaholic, as he always has been.  
He just looked at me and said “If Corypheus strikes again we may not be able to withdraw and I wouldn’t want to. We must be ready. Work on Skyhold is underway guard rotations established, we should have everything on course within the week. we will not run from here inquisitor.”  
All business then.  
“How many were lost?” I internally sighed, all those men. We must have a service.  
“Most of our people made it to Skyhold. It could have been worse. Morale was low but it has improved greatly since you accepted the role of inquisitor.” He told me as he read one of his reports.  
“Inquisitor I was not looking for another title, sounds a bit odd don’t you think?” I asked him, remembering me at the start of all this.  
”Not at all” he replied quickly looking away from the page.  
“Is that the official response?” asked grinning  
Cullen chuckled “I suppose it is but, it’s the truth. We needed a leader and you have proven yourself.”  
“Thank you Cullen.“ he smiled at me, it was not helping my nerves by saying this. I looked towards the barn a moment to gather courage.” Our escape from haven it was close. I'm relieved that you. “ I stumbled with my words “That so many made it out.”  
“As am I.” He said softly. he looked down as if in deep thought.  
I started to walk to the medic tents, he touched my arm. I looked back to him. “You stayed behind” he seemed to be trying to find the words ” You could have… I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again.” he was worried about me? After all this time?  
“You have my word,” he said this was not about the inquisition at all and we both knew it.  
This could get complicated but that seems to my lot in life.  
I smiled and started back on my search for Cole, instead, I saw Vivienne, Solas, and Cassandra debating all the while Cole was sitting crossed legged looking intently into the grass.

As I moved closer I heard Vivienne say to Solas "This Thing is not a stray puppy you can make into a pet. It has no business being here."  
"Wouldn’t you say the same of an Apostate?" Solas shot back, another one of their many squabbles.  
Cassandra was the first to notice me "Inquisitor I wondered if Cole Was perhaps a Mage, Given his unusual Abilities."  
Solas started first, "He can Cause People to Forget him, Or even fail entirely to notice him. These are not the abilities of a Mage, It seems that Cole is a Spirit."  
"It is a Demon," Vivienne said firmly. lovely, as always both of them had different opinions.  
"If you Prefer, Although the truth is somewhat more Complex." He said as though he was lecturing all of us.  
I sighed " I am Not sure How much more Complexity I need right now, Solas."  
"Indeed my dear, He may Call It whatever he likes, But it is still a Threat," Vivienne said flashing a glare at Solas.  
"In fact, his nature is not so easily defined." Solas continued his lecture ignoring Vivienne.  
Cassandra broke in "Speak Plainly, Solas. What _are_ we dealing with ?"  
Solas looked at Cassandra and then to me, "Demons Normally enter this world by possessing something. In their true form, they look Bizarre, Monstrous."  
"But Cole looks like a young man. Could it be possession?" she asked curiously.  
Solas' tone lightened "No he has possessed Nothing and no one, and yet he appears human in all respects."  
He turned to me.  
"Cole is Unique Inquisitor. More than that, He wishes to help. I suggest you allow him to do so."  
I needed him to clarify " From what I’ve read, Demons either possessed something from this world or were summoned and Bound. They almost never look like something you’d Mistake for a person."  
he nodded "Normally, You would be correct. But Cole has willfully Manifested in Human Form Without Possessing Anyone."  
"but the demons who came through the breach, or through rifts, weren’t possessing anything." I crossed my arms. he always did this, just giving enough to answer the question but nothing of himself.  
"Those demons were Drawn through against their will, driven mad by this world. But cole Predates the breach. From what we can tell, He has lived here for months, Perhaps years.  
He looks like a young man, for all intents and Purposes, He _is_ a young man." he paused" It is Remarkable."  
I relaxed " I should Hear What Cole Has to say for himself."  
I looked around for Cole. "Where is He Now?"  
Cassandra was surprised " He was Right…"  
I saw Cole over by the medics tents. I walked over to him ignoring Vivienne's protests.  
"Haven." Cole looked at me then back to the men." So Many soldiers fought to protect the pilgrims so they could escape."  
he was mumbling looking down at one of the men. “Choking Fear, Can’t think from the medicine but the cuts wrack me with every heartbeat. Hot white pain, everything burns. I can’t, I can’t, I’m Going to… I’m Dying, I’m...”  
The man went limp “...Dead” Cole said.  
"I’m Happy to see you are making friends Cole. Here I was worried you would have a hard time. So I guess you are feeling their pain?” I asked  
"It’s louder this close, with so many of them," he said plainly  
"Would you like to go somewhere more comfortable?" why would he want to stay.

“Yes. But here is where I can Help.” He moved to the next soldier in the line.  
"Every Breath slower. Like lying in a warm bath. Sliding away. The smell of my Daughter’s Hair When I Kiss her goodnight”  
the Soldier passed “Gone.”  
Cole looked around “Cracked Brown Pain, Dry, Scraping, Thirsty..." He knelt down and offered the soldier a drink “Here.”  
She whispered in pain, “Thank You.”  
He said, “it’s all right, She won’t Remember me.”  
"So you are using your Powers to help People." I understood. I knew then I could let him stay.  
He shifted his head slightly towards me "Yes. I used to think I was A Ghost. I didn’t Know. I made Mistakes… But I made friends, too. Then a templar Proved I wasn’t real. I lost my friends. I lost everything. I learned how to be more like I am. It made me different, but stronger. I can feel more, I can help."  
"Well If you are Willing, the inquisition could use your help," I asked him.  
he looked around "Yes, Helping. I help the hurt, the helpless, there’s someone…"  
He moved to the next person in line. he looked down at him said, “Hurts, It hurts, it hurts, someone make it stop hurting, Maker Please...”  
He pulled out his dagger “ The healers have done all they can, it will take him hours to die. Every moment will be agony. He wants mercy, help.”  
He didn't understand, "Cole you say he won’t die for hours yet, but you cannot Know that for certain."  
"His Body is Failing." cole looked at me. the dagger still in his hand.  
"He Could recover. Or the healers could find another way to help him." I tried to give him hope.  
"How do you know?” he asked looking at me.  
I shook my head " I don’t and Neither Do you. That’s Part of life."  
He looked down at the man and whispered “try” under his voice.  
He looked back at me “I want to Stay.”  
Cole walked off towards the tavern, most likely trying to help some lost souls there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who has read my work so far, and the kudos are appreciated. Thank you.


	8. Confessions

I walked into the library hoping to get away from Josie and her plans, If only for a few minutes. As I passed " Brilliant isn't it?" I turned to Dorian who was perusing the bookshelves of the little nook he had created for himself. "One moment you are trying to restore order in a world gone mad, That should be Easy enough for anyone to handle, yes? And then out of nowhere an archdemon appears and kicks you in the head "What you thought this would be easy?!" he paused "no I was just hoping you wouldn't crush our village like an anthill." "sorry about that Archdemons like to crush, you know. Can't be helped" he turned to me  
" am I speaking too quickly for you?" he asked jovially.  
"No, the attack was unexpected. We're all rattled."I moved to stand across from him.  
"I'm not rattled, I'm the hero of this tale," he said matter of fact  
I smiled " then why isn't corypheus after you then?"  
He tapped his chin "hmm, Good point. Does that make me the lackey? That's dangerous work..."  
" so you warned us why are you still here?" As I crossed my arms and leaned on a bookshelf.  
" well the danger is not exactly done yet, is it? I always assumed the "elder one" behind the venatori was a magister, But this... Is something else completely. "  
he shook his head a moment "In Tevinter, they say the chantry tales about magisters starting the blight are just that, tales. But here we are. One of those very magisters, A Darkspawn"  
"who does the imperium say Started the blight?" I asked him curiously.  
"you know how it is, "not us," They say darkspawn were always there, magisters and the blight aren't related. is that a surprise? no one wants to admit they shit the bed. But if Corypheus is one of the magisters who entered the black city and he's Darkspawn... What other explanation is there?" he said  
"way does that make you angry?"  
" because the Imperium is my home. I knew what I was told couldn't be the whole truth but I assumed there had to be a kernel of it. somewhere. But no. It was us all along. We destroyed the world."  
"Dorian you didn't do anything. those men did, a thousand years ago." I tried to calm him.  
"True, Except one of them is up walking and talking around right now. Not to mention that I have Idiot countrymen who would happily follow him down that path again."  
He sat down and looked at me " I have no intention on letting Corypheus win, not without someone from Tevinter standing against him. now if it's all the same to you I would like to stay and help the inquisition."  
" We can use all the help we can get, Dorian." I sat down in one of the chairs across from him and pulled one of the many books on the blight off the shelf. I just needed some company and Dorians was available.  
"No one will thank me, no matter what happens. No one will thank you either, you know that, yes?" he said pouring himself a glass of some roseae he pilfered from the stores.  
I smiled and turned the page "That attitude must be why they kicked you out of the Imperium."  
He laughed "They didn't kick me out." he paused "Well, only because they never got around to it. Eventually, they might have."  
He shifted in his seat and looked out the window "All I know is this; Corypheus needs to be stopped. Men like him ruined my homeland," He looked back to me, the determination in his eyes "I cannot stand by and let him ruin the world."  
I nodded before he turned back to me and took a sip of his glass. "Oh and Congratulations on that whole leading the Inquisition thing by the way."  
Turning another page "Dorian Are you going soft on me?"  
"Perish the thought." we laughed.  


  


 

* * *

  


  
I walked into Cullen's office we had finally had a chance to clear a lot of it out and get everyone settled. He was behind his desk and was looking down at his old lyrium kit. I remember seeing him use it from my perch back at Kirkwall. He looked up to see who had opened the door the look on his face was that of relief and concern.” As leader of the inquisition, you…” he sighed “there’s something I must tell you.” the look on his face did not say this is going to be a happy day chat with your commander, Tara.  
“you're being especially serious today” I quipped trying to be my usual self.  
“I know” he let out a breath”Lyrium grants templars our abilities, but it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer- some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the templars here. But I … no longer take it.”  
“You stopped?”I said; I didn’t know.  
“When I joined the inquisition. It’s been months now,” he said. I did the math, wait so that night… that explains a lot.  
“Why are you doing this?” I asked him. I needed to know why he was risking his life.  
“After what happened in Kirkwall. I couldn’t....” he looked down at his desk where the lyrium kit sat.  
Yes, Meredith. I could see it now.  
“ I will not be bound to the order or that life -any longer. Whatever the suffering I accept it. But I would not put the inquisition at risk. I have asked Cassandra to … watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised. I will be relieved from duty. ” he told me. he was making a choice for himself.  
“Are you in pain?” I looked at him with new understanding.  
He looked at me. “I can endure it.”  
“Thank you. For telling me. I respect what you are doing.” he was doing what I could not.  
“Thank you, inquisitor. The inquisitions army must always take priority. Should anything happen.. I will defer to Cassandra's judgment.” I inwardly groaned.  
“ No Cullen you take priority. Every one of those men out there is a priority to me. Even if I don’t know them by name. I don’t like others taking unnecessary self-sacrifice.”  


  


"Anyway Inquisitor I found where the red templars come from,” He said trying to change the subject. ”Therinfal Redoubt. The knights were fed red lyrium until they were turned into monsters. Sampson took over after their corruption was complete.”  I smiled “So, no how was your day?” attempting to lighten things up, he always tried to be all business. Not that I minded it at all.

  
He smiled for just a moment.  
“Sampson, wasn’t he your cellmate?” I said coming to lean on his desk.  
“How do you?” he asked.  
“You forget, we had lives before the inquisition,” I said watching him pick up one of his latest reports.  
“Yes, well he was until he was expelled from the order… I knew he was an addict but this… red lyrium is nothing like the lyrium given by the chantry. Its power comes with a terrible madness. As you know.” He looked over the page at me.  
“And his armor was laced with the stuff, he should go mad soon enough.” I sauntered behind the desk right next to him.

  


Trying to read what was on the page, I rarely read my copies of the reports. Why should I if they are just going to tell me later. the heat of him next to me as I leaned close, “Sampson looked clear-eyed at haven, but still a commander fallen to madness.” He said rubbing the back of his head; worried. I looked at him knowing who he was thinking of “I know Cullen”

  


His eyes met mine, blood shot with dark bags below them. Had he not slept? “The red Templars still require lyrium. If we find their source we can weaken them…”

  
“And their leader,” we said in unison. I smiled, His eyes crinkled at the edges as he grinned, I loved it when he smiled.  
“ So Commander, where do we begin?” I asked.  


“Caravans of red lyrium are being smuggled along trade roads investigating them could lead to where they are getting it from,” he said as I turned to him. “But be careful about engaging them we cannot have Sampson...” I put my finger to his lip. “I know, and stealth is what I am best at, Cullen.” I started to walk out I looked over my shoulder at him.

  
“Now I shall let my commander get back to work. Since he seems to be keen on it” I smirked and walked out of the office.  
While i walked across the bridge back to the main hall, I felt a slight breeze against my back, "Cole, Is there something I can help you help with?"  
I turned back to him, now knowing what Cole was didn't change what I thought of him, but it would be wrong to think that I didn't let that affect me.  
"No, but I could help you,"  
He started to mumble "Too bright. Like counting birds against the sun. The mark makes you more. But past it... Pain, thoughts of him, behind the mask."  
His eyes widened as he looked back to me, "You're strong, he didn't change you."  
"Yes he did Cole, the memories affect me." I stood there thinking of everything. I watched the people in the training yard, by the medic tents.  
" The weight of all on you. All the hopes you carry, fears you fight. You are theirs."  
"Yes, they are my men, my friends, I must care. Every one of their lives is in my hands." I must be better, Better than my father. If not then who am I?  
"It must be very hard. I could take the pain, untangle the hurt." Cole said suddenly. breaking me from my thoughts.  
"No, Cole." I sighed, I had to remember. I cannot just forget. "I need these hurts just like you need to help others, If I did not hurt I would not be me."  
"But,"  
"No, Cole.' He looked pained as I told him that. "If you took the hurt, the pain, I could not help others as you do. The offer is kind but, No."  
He just nodded. and started to turn and made his way to the kitchens to most likely to take some plums.  
I smiled.


	9. Chess

I had not slept well the past few nights with Cullen's Lyrium confession and Sampson leading the red Templars.

Everything was getting too complicated. I hadn’t even told Cullen that I still had feelings yet and he just tells me something like that.

But then he wasn’t talking to me the was talking to the inquisitor. His chief in command. If only I could get him to think of himself for awhile.

Of Course, I was still avoiding my father. He had to find out at some point that we had moved. I just wished he would give up on letting me see ‘his’ way. I needed to think. I petted Hector and handed him a piece of goat from my lunch. I had eaten it half-heartedly remembering my father’s letter a few weeks ago. I Left my chambers, everything seemed to pass as though I was in a dream while I walked.

I ignored all the Inquisitors and Lady Trevelyan's as I passed through the hall.

I Passed Josephine's office where she was most likely trying to seal another alliance. I didn’t care my family is going to come to light soon whether I liked it or not.

I had found myself in the garden. It was quiet and serene filled with only a few people at this hour. I usually came here to think. As looked across the way, I saw Cullen and Dorian playing chess.

I couldn’t help myself I crossed, listening in on the conversation.

 

“Gloat all you like but I have this one” Cullen was confident. Ever the great commander. If only my father could see past the surface of men.

“Are you sassing me, Commander? I didn’t know you had it in you.” it was the same with Dorian but almost no one could see past his surface.

He moved a piece. “Why do I even…” Cullen broke off finally noticing that I was watching.

“Inquisitor!” he stood up, almost knocking over one of his towers in the process.

“Leaving, are you? Does this mean I win?” Dorian chirped, he knew exactly what was on Cullen’s mind seeing me. I just Smiled, “Are you boys playing nice?"

“You know me, inquisitor. I am always nice.” Dorian paused sipping his glass of wine.

Cullen sat back down putting the tower into position “Alright your move,” I was happy to have distracted him for a moment, like old times.

He needs to relax, so wound up with his position and tough on his men. I knew why he did it but, it’s not good for his health as my great aunt would say.

Dorian as confident as ever in his perfection” You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory. You’ll feel much better.”

“Really, cause I just won and I feel fine.” Cullen smiled and relaxed in his chair. I wished to see this Cullen more often.

“Don’t get smug." dorian shook his head, "There will be no living with you.” he picked up his glass and bottle of wine, winking at me as he walked away. I shook my head as heard his chuckle from behind me. Apparently my n'th cousin; as he had told me, enjoyed setting me up.

“I should return to my duties as well. Unless you would care for a game?” I smiled if it was with Cullen, sure.

Hopefully, it would be enough to distract me.

“Prepare the Board Commander.” It’s been so long I hope I remember how to play. I used to play with my brother before he left to join the Templar order.

He was only 15, he died, though. An abomination on his first day serving at the circle in Kirkwall  
“As I child I played this with my sister. She would get this stuck up grin whenever she won which was all the time." Cullen smiled remembering his family, "My brother and I practiced for weeks. the look on her face the day I finally won. “

I was happy to hear he had a nicer family life than I had.

“Between serving the Templars and the Inquisition, I haven’t seen them in years. I wonder if she still plays?“ He asked himself as we moved the pieces into position.

“I used to play with my elder Brother, I always lost. He kept telling me that I couldn’t see the long game. So you have siblings as well?” sitting down across from him, he smiled shifting in his chair, “Two sisters and a brother.” 

I thought of my brother and his pyre “Where are they now?” I moved my pawn to E4

”They moved to south reach after the blight I do not write to them as often as I should,” he said as he looked at the board.

” Ah, it’s my turn.” His pawn went to E5.

”Alright then, let's see what you got.” I moved my knight to F3

And then He moved his knight to C6. I think I was starting to remember this.

I went pawn to d4 hoping he would take it.

He took the bait and the pawn took D4.

I moved my Mage to C4 for the long game. 

His mage went to B4. Check. Why was he not developing?

I moved pawn to C3

And he took it with his pawn to C3?

I took advantage of his mistake and castled out of that mess.

He proceeded to take my pawn on B2. He was hoping to promote. Just fine I can work with this.

I moved my Mage to take his B2 pawn.

He moved his mage to F8. A retreat? Haven might be messing with his chess game as well.

His eyes met mine as he leaned back in his seat “This may be the longest we have gone without discussing the inquisition. Or related matters. To be honest I appreciate the distraction.”

I felt the same. “We should spend more time together.” I smiled moving my pawn to E5. his smile was wide at my suggestion, "I would like that.” He moved his pawn to D6.

“Me too,” I thought of that embrace back at Haven as I moved my tower to E1

“You said that." He paused, the soft grin was still there, "We should finish our game right?” his voice soft and eager as He glanced at the game “ My turn?”  
His Pawn took E5.

I smiled and not just because of the game as my knight went to E5

Cullen saved his queen moving it to D1, he has to be letting me win. I moved my mage to F7. “Check.”

he moved his king to E7, now he couldn't castle. It was time for me to pounce, were my brother alive I would thank him for all that practice. "Knight to G6”

He looked at me, I met his eyes as I smiled, "Check.”

his king went to F7 and I had him, as he knew. His hand ran through his hair, “I believe this one is yours well played we shall have to try again sometime.”

I looked at him in the eyes and smiled as I moved my knight to H8, “Checkmate.”

  


  


* * *

  


  
It was while I was helping Cullen put his lovely chess set away. That I heard the horror of all voices in Thedas come through the door on the other side of the garden.

My Father. Shit, I was not ready for this. Not Now.

I was thankful the garden was vacant except for a few servants in the corner.

“I want to see my daughter. Seems like every time I come to visit her she is off on some wild escapade!” My father shouted at Josephine as he searched the grounds for me.

Our eyes met and I saw what could amount to pure fury in his eyes.

This was not going to go well no matter who was present. I motioned for the servants to leave. They scurried off to the kitchen as fast as they could muster. I don’t blame them, wishing I could do the same.

My father was coming towards me, with his heavy dark green overcoat bound by a thick leather belt. He had put on some weight over the years. His balding black hair and trimmed beard was starting to show some flecks of gray.

Josephine was trying to catch up with him, ”Please, Ser I am sure she could see you in my quarters not out here like this.”

She tried to reason with my father. It would not work, It never worked.

My father was before me, Josie's eyes pleading me to reason with him, “Josie, I’ll Handle the Bann. You go and try to keep the gossip to a minimum.”

She looked at me and nodded and walked off making a note along the way. I sighed, time to put on my mask and play the game I hate with him.

Cullen was trying to leave, most likely thinking my order to Josie applied to him as well. I held his arm and muttered, “Please Stay,” I paused as My father sized up Cullen, "Commander" I finished as my father gave him a disgusted grimace. It made me want to kick him all the way back to Ostwick.  
Tara, Stay Calm, “So Bann Reginald, What do I owe the pleasure of your company? It’s not like you are here for my nameday,That was a month ago.” I said trying to contain my rage. Cullen was handling it better, meeting my fathers eyes, not backing down. 

Father looked back at me then, ” You know why I am here. Daughter,” His hand was balled in a white knuckled fist, “Am I right that you tried to sacrifice yourself at the attack on Haven?”

Of course, “Oh, Daddy did the news finally reach you?” passing him a false smile, “because usually, it has to go through a few cousins at the very least.” I tightly squeezed Cullen's hand, preparing for my father’s response. he huffed trying to keep his composure, “You and your tongue, this is why I cannot get anyone to want to marry you without some dowry let alone a parcel.” he spat.

it was the same dance every time he was like this, he would rage at my independence and I would play coy. “Sorry to hear that father. I did tell you not to worry and that I would find someone.” I glanced at Cullen “But I am being rude may I introduce Ser Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition.” I said cheerfully I knew a witty remark at this point would only anger my father more. Hopefully, he would make his usual threat and leave soon enough.

Cullen stepped forward in a vain attempt to greet my father, “Ser. I am honored to meet…” My father cut him off, “Ah yes the EX-Templar Dog Lord, Not even a lord. A commoner. You could do no worse daughter.” he huffed, I knew he was trying to see if Cullen would play his game. I squeezed his hand again, He glanced at me, smiling at him for a moment as I hid our hands from father's gaze.

“I’m sorry to hear that you disapprove father but last I checked the cousins asked me and my Fine commander for assistance in ending a family dispute" pretendin to be thoughtful, "and not your, oh what was it now… Ah yes, your drunk Chevallier who can barely hold his ale, let alone a sword.” my father was positively incensed as I looked at him with pity, “ It’s sad really to think that the family cannot even trust you with that minor of a task.” His rage had come to a head, “Why You..” He raised his hand and attempted to step towards me.

I was about to move away, when Cullen stepped between us, his hand on his blade. “Now Ser. As you know it is my duty to keep all the inhabitants in this hold safe.“ He looked down to my father who was just a few inches shorter, “You would not be trying to hurt one of the most important people in this Hold Ser...” he looked to me “What was your father’s name again Inquisitor?”

“Ser Bann Reginald Trevelyan of Ostwick” I smiled, thankful for his quick thinking.

He started up once more “Bann Reginald Trevelyan of Ostwick because if you are I would have to take action.”

Cullen motioned to the guards on patrol, They came rushing down the stairs to stand at attention, “Ser!” they replied in unison.

Cullen really was good with his men. “I would like you to escort the Bann to his ‘quarters’ and inform the Ambassador of his actions to harm the Inquisitor today.”

The guards tried to grab him "Un-Hand me, I Can lead myself." my father straightened his dark green overcoat, "And Daughter.." he paused to glare at me, trying to step towards me only to be cut off by one of the men. "You Will regret this. Mark my word." He turned as the soldiers saluted Cullen and myself, and lead my very irate father away.

“It was nice seeing you again father.” I said as he left, his hand twitched. I looked back to Cullen, “Thank You,” he was still watching my father as his men led him into the main hall. He met my gaze then, “I can see why you went to Kirkwall. He is a piece of work.”

 

“Yes that he is,” I let out a breath “He wasn’t always like this there was a time where he was positively joyful. But that was before my mother passed. It was arranged but when they met on the dance floor at the winter palace.”

I smiled at the memory of the softer man that was once my father, “It was love. They both knew it. But when my mother passed..." her soft smiling face filled my thoughts at the memory of her as I played in the fields outside our estate, her laughter when I played her valiant defender, and the sadness of our last night together. the silence heavy between us cullens eyes on mine wondering if he should ask further.... I should tell him news will only get out as the inquisition grows, "She had come down with a terrible illness that was affecting the town. None of the healers, mages, or alchemists my father brought in could do anything.” I sat on the bench, overlooking the calm garden, as I told him about my promise...

  


☘

  
It was the night before Wintersend when my mother had summoned me to her bedchamber.

“Maman, I am here. You wanted to see me?” I asked her walking in the door. Her quarters were dark.

Father didn’t sleep here anymore. He could not bear the thought of losing mother. the sight of her like this... it only pained him. my mother coughed as she called out in her melodic tones, “Approchez-vous, cher.” I drifted to her bedside. her pale face alit by the lone fire in the hearth, her hands chilled in spite of it's comforting warmth. Usually, She glowed vibrantly with her brown-black hair and green eyes and when I made her smile it was like she could rival andraste herself. 

Maker, the fire is almost out, “Je suis ici maman,” I Tossed another log in before returning to her side. Her soft smile at such a small action, finding joy in the smallest of things I did for her. “Ma chérie Tara.” She panted in her light orlesian accent, “ I know I am Dying,” stopping me before I could protest. “I know I am dying. But before I go to join the Maker, I must give this to you.” she shifted slowly on her bed to pick up the blue silk tied box on her bed stand.

“This was my first. As it will be to you,” she told me softly as I untied the package and lifted the lid.

It was her mask, my favorite, it was lightly pressed black leather with amethysts at the crown and sides.

The silverite filigree shimmered in the soft candlelight of her bed stand. “I cannot this is for Emilie, pas pour moi.”

She coughed “Your sister joined the chantry, and with that, she gave up all claim to any property, mon chéri.” She smiled leaning towards me, I could see the dark circles under her eyes.

“I have not been distracting my smart girl from her studies have I?” she tried to laugh, but only coughed. “I don’t know what I will do without you maman. Le père est déjà bouleversé. He sent away Ghela and he is not eating.” I asked; pleaded. She still smiled, “You will endure my darling. Your auntie will watch over you and I will always be with you .. Quand vous portez cela.” She placed her hand on the box. I couldn’t help it. the tears started rolling down my face.

“Now my darling don't cry. You need to be strong, if this was the court, they would try to use this. Do not let them. You play the game to the death, no matter your station” She coughed “or place in life.” She coughed even more as I went to grab some of her powders from the cabinet. “Promise me my darling. Faites votre propre destin. No matter your choice you will make me proud just because” she coughed more as I mixed the powder with the glass of water and handed it to her. ”Tu l'as fait.” she drank the concoction.

I was only ten how could I do everything that she was asking me.

She made a sour face, finishing the glass. she placed it on her bedtable and smiled at me, “Darling promise me you will never get sick… the cures are worse than the disease.” I could only smile for a moment, “Je le promets à maman.” She slowly patted my arm. “Bien, now get to bed before Arwen finds you.”

☘

 

“When I awoke the next morning, Ghela told me she had passed. My father grieved for days after that...." It was the only time I have ever seen him cry.

"Anytime Wintersend came around my father would always include my mother, Arianna in his prayers.” Cullen just looked at me when I finished. the silence there still a curtain between us, thick even with my vain attempts to cut it with my words, my stories, “At least I hope he does,” I kept my eyes on the stone floor, It was the first time I had ever told this tale, to anyone. my words a vain attempt at what I am sure seems like self defense... 

“I Don’t know what to say,” he coughed rubbing the back of his head. “No one usually confides in me like this.”

I tried to smile, thankful the silence was broken, “Yeah, that's more of Liliana's thing.”

“You have that right. But I...” he cleared his throat, his eyes as uncertain as his tone, his nervous smile trying to help me pass the memory of my mother, “I can’t say that I haven't wondered what I would say to you if we had a moment alone like this”

I glanced back at the garden we were still alone and yet we had done nothing but sit here and talk, my mind flashing back to haven that moment we shared before it all fell. why hadn't he done what he did then? Was It me? My confession? “What’s stopping you?” I asked trying not to cry. He is going to say it. he‘s going to say he cannot court me. that we could not keep what we had in Kirkwall. Keep Me. A terrible noble. A broken woman. Why did I tell him?

“You're the inquisitor and were at war and you,” he paused I could feel his eyes on me, ”I didn’t think that it was possible.” 

That wasn't no.

“And yet I’m still here" I lifted my head to see the look on his face. It was soft and caring, not pitiful.

How could?

“So you are, right now it seems too much to ask." he moved in close his lips brushing mine, smelling of leather and sandalwood, clean, his hot breath on my lips as he whispered " But I want to... “

“Commander, you wanted a copy of sister Liliana's report,” It was Tim. _**Merde!**_  
I moved away for a moment and I looked toward the garden.  
Yes, the garden is lovely.   
I shifted my feet still standing here even with this chance of escape, I was the leader of the inquisition. I shouldn't be doing this... not with the commander of my forces. It wasn't right but still..... I Stayed, Listening to the soft growl from Cullen as he turned, “What!”

Tim still oblivious to the fact we wanted to be left alone, “Sister Liliana's report. You said you wanted it delivered without delay.”

I glanced over in Cullen's direction, he moved closer to Timothy.

I don’t know what Cullen did but horror on the scouts face as responded, “Or to your office…. Right” had him walking away as fast as his feet could take him.

  


Cullen came towards me as I stood, I shouldn't take any more of his time, “If you need to..” he cut me off, pulling my face towards his as his lips covered mine; I was shocked but as he nibbled my lip, the stubble tickling my cheeks as I leaned into him wrapping my arms around his body. The soft linen of his coat slipped over my skin as he moved. He broke the kiss for a moment, “I'm sorry” he said; there was nothing for him to be sorry for. If we were superior and subordinate then screw the rules, I wanted him. I had missed this, missed him.  “That was pretty nice,” he smiled, running his hand through his hair. “Well, I believe that was a kiss, but I cannot be sure it’s all a blur,” I met his eyes, coy, tempting him, I wanted more as He chuckled, our foreheads touched “Yes well…” He leaned back into me, I kissed his scar on his lip as we entwined, our lips met as his hands made their way down my lower back examining every detail. My hands tangled in his soft curly hair. He pressed me into the hard brick wall as his hands ran over my rear. We stood there kissing in the garden for some time. He broke our kiss, I wanted more. But we needed to get to our duties.

  


“I must say I like your hair tousled, it has that whole I am a roguish ex-templar look,” I said commenting on my work.

And the I just laid one on my boss look. He smiled “Yes, well we should get back to our duties. I have a noble to detain,” He walked off hopefully smiling all the way. I have to talk with Josephine about my father's privileges. I was happy for our moment and I could only hope it could last this time.

* * *

  


I slowly made my way back to Josie's office. When I walked in all of the war council was there; Cullen, Josephine, and Liliana. Josephine Stood up immediately. “You arrested your father?” She raised her voice; uncharacteristic. “Josie keep it down.”

  
“Do you even realize what it will do for our reputation, your reputation,” she said while sitting back down at her desk once more.

Liliana looked to me for a moment. “Actually Josephine, she may have just saved you from a travesty.” Of course, she knows. At least Liliana tried to keep it to herself.

  


“Yes, Sera told me a few months back I didn’t say anything because most of the time I rather not have people in 'family business'.” I looked at Josephine and sighed.

  
“Since My mother died. My Father has not been the same. He has been harsh on the servants and frequently took to punishing me when I acted out. To harsh Extremes. Since I left, however… He has directed that anger at my stepmother and half siblings.” I told them as I walked over to the fireplace. I glanced at them.

  


Cullen was looking at me with concern most likely putting two and two together with my drinking. Josie looked away and down at her paperwork most likely sorry she had asked. Liliana was the only one who looked at me the same after that confession. This is why I hate telling others, most of the time they never treat me the same afterward.

  
Liliana just turned to Josie “So as you can see Josephine if that came to light we would have more harm than good come from it.“ I just stared into the hearth, Home. the flames dancing as everything burned. I didn’t want to tell them this, I didn’t want them to see my scars. I needed a Drink.

“Still Why Didn’t you tell me I could have avoided all of this,” Josephine said as she started to taking notes. Lovely.

  


“Because most of the court knows we are not close, If anything they would invite both of us to a party to see the fight." Reason I avoided any party but my aunt's soiree's, "I had hoped you would have heard about it along the way and I would never have to mention all this.”

  


“I put him in one of the cells below,” Cullen told me, his eyes meeting mine. The look on his face saying that he would love to throw away the key.

  


“Well keep him there for awhile, my great aunt sent me word that when he made this trip, she invited my Stepmother and siblings to her place. Under the pretense that she rarely gets to see her nieces and nephew.” I said looking at Josephine once more, she was still taking notes, “So that's what we have to work with. Now how am I getting to empress Celene with that hanging over us.” I looked at them for a moment. Then I walked out. I really needed that drink. Maybe Bourbon.

  


* * *

“Lilianna” I called as I came to her office in the rookery. The cries from the ravens in their cages echoed around the room. She offered to let me keep Hector up here but I declined, saying that I needed company. I hate sleeping where it is too quiet. She was talking with Cullen when I came up to her. She was sending out the notices for those who died at Haven. “You must Blame me for this,” she said to me staring at the list of names on her desk. “No I blame Corypheus, He is the enemy.”

“When the first of my agents started vanishing I pulled them back to Haven awaiting more information. If I had left them in the field.”

“If you had left them in the field we would have lost them and haven most likely, you were right to pull them back.”

“Can we afford such sentimentality? My men know their duty and that sometimes they must put their lives on the line for it. Would corypheus …” I cut her off right then. “We are Better than Corypheus.” I said sternly, I softened my voice and told her.” You made the right choice, our men are more valuable than anything.”

  


“But... There was something else you wanted to ask?” She looked at me. Changing the subject was ok in my book, today. “How much do you know about me and my father?” I looked at her knowing she had not said everything in Josephine's office yesterday. “A lot more than I should.” Her voice soft, as to not be over heard. She knew, She knew about the dungeon. “So I guess you know why I hate dungeons,” I asked we both looked out her window. She nodded out of the corner of my eye. “Well then keep doing what you are doing. Gardez-le à vous-même." I still remember getting them. No, I will not think about it. It only hurts. "That’s one piece of the past only I can tell.”  I needed another drink, who had told her? “Liliana, Whoever told you, are they silenced?” I asked her softly. She smiled for a moment. “She has been bribed to keep it to herself. If she doesn’t I’ll give her a personal visit.” I nodded. “Remember no killing." I remembered Cole and I on the bridge "Take Cole with you. He will see taking that memory from anyone as an act of compassion.” I muttered starting down the stairs. I said no to Cole’s offer to do the same thing for me. I need these memories to be me, Taking them from me does nobody any good.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her mother's Orlisian, I could not help myself.
> 
>  
> 
> Translations:
> 
>  
> 
> Approchez-vous, cher.- Come near, dear.
> 
> Je suis ici maman - I'm here mama.
> 
> Ma chérie Tara - my darling, Tara.
> 
> pas pour moi - not for me.
> 
> mon chéri - my darling; honey.
> 
> Le père est déjà bouleversé - Father is already distraught.
> 
> Quand vous portez cela. - when you wear this.
> 
> Faites votre propre destin.- Make your own destiny.
> 
> tu l'as fait.- you made it
> 
> Je le promets à maman. - I promise mama.


	10. The Trouble with Wardens

When I returned to my quarters I found a note from Varric on my desk, I petted Hector and gave him some of the fresh carrots I had snuck from the kitchens. I read Varric’s note, it said that he had someone that I would want to see and that parading around might cause a fuss, so it was better for us to meet privately on the battlements.  If it was who I thought it was, I might have to separate Cassandra and him for quite some time. The burdens of leadership. I let out a breath as I waited for hector to finish his small meal. I placed a small note in a message tube for us to meet that night. I petted my friend and launched him out the window.

* * *

It was past midnight most of the guards should be changing soon.

I made sure that my bed was filled with a few lumpy pillows in case I was checked on. After I confirmed that everything was as it should be, I grabbed my kit and cloak. It had been so long since I needed these, I missed it. I put my soft black cloak on and grabbed my new and improved grappler. I had been talking with this rogue, Three-eyes. he and I have been talking about the construction and making of new devices. So far our talks were paying off, with the improvements I had been able to install in the device. Longer cables with more weight resistance, thanks to some enchanting from our new arcanist; Dagna. I even developed a step to bring others with me. I hooked it to the side of the overlook outside my quarters. I swooped myself onto one of the many towers littering the battlements. I slowly made my way to the far corner through all of the patrols and many of Cullen’s favorite spots to kiss me, they were quiet and when we were not busy. Which was not often, he and I would go out there for some time to ourselves. Since the garden, while he is committed, he rather our relationship stays between us. Not that it stopped the gossip through the barracks.

I reached the meeting spot, Varric was already waiting for me with an entire crate of wine from the cellar. “Does Josie know you procured some of her latest shipment for our entertainment?” I asked him making my way down to the tower landing. I stepped next to him.

“Ruffles? She will not mind as soon as she sees who the company is.” It was then I heard the soft movement of armor. I turned toward the stairs, and there she was. Black Short cropped hair, crisp Deep Blue eyes, a blood swipe across her fair skinned nose, and the signature clawed gloves. Yep, It’s Her. Same as ever, “May I introduce The Champion of Kirkwall, Hawke,” Varric announced.

“Though I don’t use that title very much anymore.” she said looking towards me, She started down the stairs.

“I’m sure.” I smiled. of course it was her, cannot escape any of my friends I guess, “ I figured you might have some friendly advice about Corypheus. You and I did fight him after all.” Varric said stepping away to grab one of the many bottles of wine, he popped the cork and started drinking. I looked back at Hawke, she was leaning forward on the parapet overlooking the courtyard ”Lark, You’ve already dropped half a mountain on the bastard, I am sure anything I can tell you pales in comparison.” she said wittily. Happy to see she had not lost that in her time on the run with Anders. I crossed my arms, glancing at her, ”Oh, I don’t know, you did save a city from a horde of Raging Qunari.”

She smirked ”I don’t know how that really applies… or is there a horde of rampaging Qunari I don’t know about?”

Ha, if only that was the problem, then I would know who to call, “There’s A Qunari, he almost qualifies as a horde all by himself. Fortunately, He’s on our side.” I smiled right back, ” So, Varric says you guys fought Corypheus before?”

She let out a breath, “Fought and killed. The gray wardens were holding him, and he somehow used his connection to the dark spawn to influence them,” she said. Varric chimed in popping open another bottle,” Corypheus Got into their heads. Messed with their minds. Turned them against each other.”

Hawke finished his sentence “and if the wardens have disappeared, they could be under his control, again.” Varric was right to bring the wine I was going to need a drink. “So Corypheus has the venatori, the red templars and now possibly the wardens as well?... Wonderful.” Just what we needed more tainted peacekeepers.

“I didn’t come this far just to give you bad news. I’ve got a friend in the wardens,” she grabbed one of the bottles for herself before Varric went through them all. “ He was investigating something related for me. His name is Stroud. The last time we spoke, he was worried about corruption in the warden ranks. Since then, nothing.” She used one of the points of her glove to uncork the wine.

Varric asked” Corypheus would certainly qualify as corruption in the ranks. Did your friend disappear with them?” He had finished another. “No, He told me he would be hiding in an old smuggler’s cave near Crestwood.” she took a drink and passing the bottle to me. “If you didn’t know about Corypheus, what were you doing with the wardens?” taking a drink myself. she glanced at me as I passed her the bottle. ”As you know the templars in Kirkwall were using a strange form of lyrium, it was red. I hoped the wardens could tell me more about it.”

I nodded “Yeah, We have been encountering red lyrium. Corypheus has been using it to corrupt templars, turning them into his slaves, and set them loose under his Commander, Sampson.”

She looked at me as I grabbed my own bottle of the spiced wine now. “Well, Hopefully, my friend in the wardens should know more,” she said and downed the last of her bottle.

“I just hope we will not be too late to save them.” I looked over the courtyard now taking a light swig of the wine. Sweet and bitter,  Josephine has good taste.

“I understand but I’ll do whatever is necessary to stop him. Corypheus is my responsibility. I thought I’d killed him before this time I'll make sure of it.” She told me sitting next to the ledge I leaned on.

“I assume Varric’s been feeding you information about the inquisition? What did he say about me?”I smiled and drank.

“Only good things I promise” she sipped. And looked at me for a moment. “I was a little surprised, actually. Varric isn’t one for religion in general, but he thinks highly of the Inquisition.” Varric walked over to sit next to the stairs with the bottle he was nursing. “I think his exact phrase was ‘has a good shot at fixing Blondie's mess.” she smiled and handed me a bottle of my own.

”I don’t know about that.” I took out a throwing knife and uncorked the bottle. I looked over everything the inquisition had built so far, Skyhold was better than what Haven ever was.

“Yes still find it bit amusing they put you in charge of all of this.” she smirked.

“Believe me if Cassandra had found you. This would be your tourney.” I smiled and pointed to the main hall.

“Ha, not if I can help it. One city is enough for me.” we drank.

“I guess the spoils go to the one who got the prize." I held up my hand to show her, "Your very own rift closing magical mark." I sighed "I swear Hawke, I still miss those quiet days in Kirkwall where I was just a good-hearted merc named Lark with some not so legal side pursuits." I took another swig, "Listening to Varric's tales in The Hanged Man thinking you had it good. Now, look at us, in a bigger mess than Kirkwall ever was.” I turned and slumped against the parapet next to her. She nodded as we drank.

“Do you Ever wish we could just go back? I miss those days where avoiding Meredith and your friend Aveline were my only issues,“ I looked off into the distance above Skyhold.

She elbowed me in the side almost making me lose my wine. “You forgot a certain knight-captain that I heard is chasing you in a different fashion now?”

I swallowed tried to be shocked “I don’t know what you happen to be referring to,”  I then smiled “but yes him too.”

“Sometimes,” Hawke told me answering my previous question, she had finished her bottle. Varric had finally passed out against the stairs.

“And your beau, Anders. He didn't want to help you with this?” I was curious.

She sighed “He’s on the run, I couldn't bear it if he was caught.” I took another drink, "So what is he like now?"  
She shook her head, "Complicated. it's not like the minstrels make it out to be. he's not just a monster or a hero. Or maybe he's both. He was trying to change the world, he knew it couldn't happen peacefully."

I nodded, “Must be tough being on the run, and your family and friends, they are safe?”

“Yeah, When the wardens began acting strangely, I had to keep my family safe. I had Aveline take my brother as far away from Orlais as possible. I'm never really happy leaving Anders alone, But once I realized wardens were acting strangely, I had no choice. I've seen Corypheus affect Anders mind before. If he was involved, I couldn't risk it happening Again." she got up and tossed the bottle against the tower wall.  
I liked her way of disposing of things.

“You just let me know if I can help. As much as we had our differences, you are still a friend. Even if your man is a bit crazy.” I disposed of my bottle in the same fashion. She shook her head and we talked about the good times as we disposed of the rest of the bottles in a violent fashion. We moved over to pick up Varric. I assisted her getting him up on her back. “So Where Do I get to stay, it’s not like I am expected,” she asked dealing with the weight of her armor and the bulky dwarf.

I nodded and led her from where I came."Follow me I’ll sneak you into one of the guest suites.”

I turned and grinned “Oh, and how are you with heights?”

Hawke laughed as we walked back to the main castle. As I aided Varric and her into their respective rooms.

I could only hope Cassandra did not find out anytime soon.

* * *

We were making our way to the rendezvous with Hawke in Crestwood. Vivienne was with me today cause I needed some mature company seeing as Varric and Cassandra were shooting each other looks and remarks every chance they got back at camp. "Vivienne, I still don't know how they cannot put things behind them like you and me." I said pulling my boot out of one of the mud pits made by the constant heavy rainfall generated by the rift in the lake."Some people are just not as emotionally mature as we are darling. Just let them butt heads eventually they will get it out of them." she told me as we trekked our way to the meeting location. "I just hope they get it out, before the ball at the winter palace," I said.

"Oh speaking of that, I must get you to my seamstress we cannot have you attending the ball looking less than your best."

"Sure, so long as Dorian comes two opinions are always better than one no?" I sped up, the cave where Hawke was waiting for us was just ahead.

Hopefully a nice dry cave, I was starting to feel the damp seeping through my leathers.

We came up to Hawke. "Glad you made it" she greeted us " My contact with the wardens should be at the back of the cave." and gestured toward the back.

No, it's a cold wet cave. Can this day get any better?

"Alright, you should know, there was a group of wardens protecting a villager from corpses out near Crestwood. They said they were searching for one of their own, on order of a woman named Clarel," wringing out the ends of my coat. "but they didn't seem happy about doing so."

This rain will be the death of me.

"They were likely hunting my friend. I am glad they didn't come looking for people to help in here."  
She crossed her arms "they might well be good men but they've been given bad orders," we slowly made our way to the back of the cave. Everyone was grouped together tightly around the torch as we moved through the dark damp tunnel.

I reached the back where there was a rickety door, large painted skull was next to it warn people to keep out. I ignored it and opened the door, walking in I saw the interior was just as damp as the rain outside. I examined my surroundings, the warden was definitely camped out here but where was he?  
It was only then I heard the sound of metal scraping against a casing that I turned to find the Grey Warden. he was holding his blade directly at my chest.  
Hawke stepped in "It's just us, I brought the inquisitor."

"My Apologies." He sheathed his sword. "My name is Stroud, and I am at your service Inquisitor," He spoke with a heavy Orlisian accent.

A lovely greeting he didn't even offer me a drink first.  
I started to put it all together, all of this way too coincidental for my tastes.

"Alright, First, Most of you Wardens disappear, then I run into a darkspawn magister named Corypheus. Do you think the one might have something to do with the other?" I asked him trying to appear calm.

"I fear it is so. When my friend Hawke slew him, Weisshaupt was happy to put the matter to rest. However an archdemon can survive wounds that seem fatal, and I feared Corypheus might possess the same power. My investigation uncovered clues but no proof. Then, not long after, every Warden in Orlais began to hear the calling." He answered.

"I recall that being a bad thing, but I _don't_ recall you telling me about all this" Hawke remarked.  
Stroud's Moustache twitched. I had to wonder if it was a thing with wardens to have big thick facial hair??  
"It was a Grey Warden matter, I was bound by an oath of secrecy." He replied.

"You think Corypheus is using this Calling to control the wardens? Is that possible?" I asked I was worried that Blackwall could be feeling the same effects. I glanced briefly back at him.

"Not precisely, your worship. The calling warns a Warden that his time in this world grows short."

"And every Grey Warden in Orlais is hearing that right now? They think they are dying?" Hawke asked

"Yes, likely because of Corypheus. If the Wardens fall, who will stand against the next blight? It is our greatest fear." Stroud paced.

"Then they do something desperate, which is of course what he wants," Hawke added, a frown forming on her lips. "Is the calling they are hearing real, or is corypheus mimicking it somehow?"

This is not good

"I know not, even as a senior warden, I had heard only the vaguest whispers of corypheus. The wardens believe that this calling is real, and they will act accordingly. that is all we know for certain." he said frowning  
"Wait, you said all the wardens are hearing the calling. does that include you?" I asked stroud before turning to Blackwall behind me. "and also you, Blackwall?" I was concerned.  
If he was. Why had he not told us?  
"Sadly, yes. It lurks like a wolf in shadows around a campfire. The creature that makes this music has never known the love of the maker but... at times, I can almost understand it." Stroud said; he sounded haunted.  
He stepped towards me and continued "we must uncover what corypheus has done and end it. This cannot stand."

I looked to Blackwall, he had remained stoic in all of this. Was he feeling the same fear as Stroud?  
Blackwall met strouds eyes as he said, "I do not fear the calling, and worrying about it only gives it power." He shook his head slightly "Anything Corypheus does will only strengthen my resolve."  
I was proud Blackwall should be an example for all these wardens. Strong and stoic even in the face of the calling, the blight. He was like all the tales I had heard of as a little girl about the gray wardens.  
" So how can Corypheus make all these wardens hear the calling?" I hoped they would know more than myself.  
"I cannot say, we know little about him, save that he is dangerous. He is a magister as well as a darkspawn and speaks with the voice of the blight." Stroud replied worried " That lets him effect the minds of wardens since we are tied to the blight ourselves. It must be how he created this false Calling."

"So, the Wardens think they are dying and have stopped thinking clearly? That will not go well" I looked between them.

"We are the only ones who can slay Archdemons. Without us, the next blight will consume the world. Warden-Commander Clarel spoke of a blood magic ritual to prevent future blights before we all perished."  
It was always blood magic, I thought back to Kirkwall and the fall of the Circle. All the people dying in the streets, being used. I could not save them that day.  
"When I protested the plan as madness, my own comrades turned on me. Grey Wardens are gathering here." He pointed to a spot on his map of Thedas "In the Western approach. It is an ancient Tevinter ritual tower. Meet me there, and we will find answers." He nodded at us both and made his way out of the back of the cave.

"I need to finish what I started here. Then I can meet you and Stroud after I've dealt with the rift endangering the village," I said to Hawke

"Alright, but be safe and take care of yourselves." Hawke agreed, then made her way out and to the west.

It took us nearly half the day to help.

What we found, however, was a gruesome discovery. Men, women, and children had drowned in the caves that were flooded by the dam closing, and when we sought out the mayor, he was gone leaving only a confession of their deaths being his doing. I was appalled, and on our way out of Crestwood asked Scout Harding to send a missive to Cullen telling him to send some men to find Mayor Dedrick.  
We packed camp, we need to ride straight for the Western Approach, Time is of the essence.

 

* * *

It took a week for us to reach the Western Approach.

Dorian and I both groaned as we found ourselves in the middle of a desert wasteland, I was already building up a sweat from the heat. we both need a long rest after this, of course, Iron Bull and Blackwall took to the desert easier than the rest of us.

Must have been all of that travel.

We, of course, ran into a few obstacles, but we also ran into more resources. A stone reserve and a logging camp meant more rebuilding Skyhold, which I will need to sign off on when I Returned.

I hate paperwork.

We closed two Rifts, killed 3 quillbacks, took out 4 venatori camps and captured a fort. It was only after that did we find the tower. I as we moved closer I saw Hawke and stroud waiting for us, Stroud started to close the distance, the grimace on his face told me that this was not good.

"I'm glad you made it Inquisitor. I fear they've already started the ritual." He said.

"Blood magic, I'd wager. You can smell it.. or see the corpses." Hawke sneered. "You take point, I'll guard your backs."

I nodded and started our way into the tower entrance. There were figures in the distance, one of them fell and a rage demon rose in its place.  
As we got closer, I saw a dark haired man dressed in white robes. He was calling out to those gathered in front of him. "Bind it, just as I showed you!" He ordered the warden near the demon before turning his gaze on us, the new arrivals. "Inquisitor, what an unexpected pleasure. Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, at your service." He bowed deeply, a bit overly dramatic about it.

"You are no warden," Stroud growled in disgust.

"But you are. The one Clarel let slip, and you found the Inquisitor and came to stop me. Shall we see how that goes?" He taunted the man.

"Wardens!" I called out to them. "This man is lying to you. He serves an ancient Tevinter Magister who wants to unleash a blight! Do not be fooled, turn away from this path before it's too late!"

"Ooh. That's a very serious accusation. Let's see what the Wardens think."  
He gestured to the wardens" Wardens. Hands up!" He ordered, and as he raised his hand, all the wardens around him lifted their hands.  
"Hands down!" of course their hands went down.

Shit.

"Corypheus has taken their minds," Stroud muttered. Really, Like I cannot tell.

"They did this to themselves. You see, the calling had them terrified, they looked everywhere for help, including Tevinter. Since it was my master who put the calling into their little heads, we in the Venatori were prepared. I went to Clarel full of sympathy, and together we came up with a plan. Raise a demon army, march into the deep roads, kill the old gods before they wake." He stroked his beard, grinning

"Ah. I was wondering when the demon army would come into play." I said calmly.

"You… knew about it did you?" He seemed surprised, though tried to cover it up. "Well, then here you are. Sadly for the wardens, the binding ritual I taught their mages has a side effect. They are now my master's slaves. This was a test. Once the rest of the wardens complete the ritual, the army will conquer Thedas."

"Release the wardens and surrender. I will not ask twice." I warned him.

"No. You won't." His hand jerked forward, a deep red glow emitted from his palm. In an instant I was on my knees, My mark was burning like it had touched the sun. Everyone else drew their weapons and readied to strike.

Despite my pain.

Good.

Erimond sneered "The elder one showed me how to deal with you in the event you were foolish enough to interfere again. That mark you bear? The anchor that lets you pass safely through the veil? You stole it from my master. He's been forced to seek other ways to access the fade. When I bring him your hand, his gratitude will be-"

I had an idea. I pushed myself to my feet. I pointed my mark towards the Venatori.  
I imagined letting out a force if thinking tear made a mini-rift and close worked to close one, why can I not push with one.  
I moved my hand forward,

_Push_

and like that, an invisible force to knocked him back, head over heels. He cried out in surprise, scrambling to his feet and cried out "Kill them!" before fled like the coward that he was.

I didn't want it to come to this, but these mages are lost and we have to stop them. Together with my companions, both demon and wardens alike fell to our numbers, and this time we stood without a scratch thanks to the four front line fighters around us.  
Once the fighting was done, Hawke paced, livid at the situation

"It seems you were correct Hawke. Through their ritual, the mages are slaves to Corypheus." Stroud stated the obvious has he turned to us.

"And the Warden warriors?" Hawke lowered her head a moment. "Oh, of course. It's not real blood magic until someone gets sacrificed."

"Erimond lied to the wardens, they were trying to prevent future blights." I reminded them.

Hopefully, I could forgive them. They were supposed to be heroes, but even heroes are human and there will always be mistakes.

"With blood magic and human sacrifice?" She looked up irritably.

"The Wardens were wrong, Hawke, but they had their reasons," Stroud added.

"All blood mages do!" She threw her hands in the air.  
"Everyone has a story they tell themselves to justify bad decisions, and it never matters. In the end, you are always alone with your actions." She shook her head, a sorrow overtaking her features.  
I knew she was thinking this was Kirkwall, but we couldn't make the judgment. Not now.

"I believe I know where the Wardens are, your Worship. Erimond fled in that direction." Stroud pointed back towards the east. "There's an abandoned Warden fortress that way. Adamant."

"The Warden and I will scout out Adamant and confirm that the other wardens are there. We'll meet you back at Skyhold." Hawke added. "We can handle this, you are needed back home and until we have what we need, we can't move forward."

"Ah, Skyhold. What a wonderful idea." Dorian chimed in, leaning against one of the pillars. "I miss my books, and my chair, and fine wine.." he sighed wistfully.

Of course, Dorian wants wine, and I could do with some myself right now. Everyone was in agreement, Skyhold it was.  
I needed to get to the war room, prepare our assault.

I thought of Cullen when he hears of this he is not going to like it either. I just hoped he would take it better than Hawke.

 

* * *

We were Supplied and ready to move out, the entire Inquisition made a trek across the lands to Adamant. We were sitting on the precipice of our attack against the gray wardens. One of our many allies among the nobility had let us some of her forces and siege Engines. Cullen was readying the men. The team and I were to be the forward squad with Hawke and stroud.

The catapults started firing on Cullen's signal. They were easily tearing up the walls of the ancient fortress, the siege ladders rose. The wardens were unprepared to defend the fortress. Our army seized the walls. the wardens in their desperate attempt at a defense tried to throw rocks at our men below but To no avail.  
Good, let's knock.  
We moved the battering ram into position and with three good hard knocks we were in and the initial enemies were dispatched, the others started to press forward, Cullen grabbed my arm lightly. I looked at him, There was that hint of worry in his eyes."We have given you your opening inquisitor best you use it. We shall distract the main force as your squad goes for clarel."

"Alright commander, but don't take risks." I stepped close to him for a moment "We will do what we have to…." he said, I kissed him. " I promise to return." and I ran after my companions.

 

* * *

It's Worse Than I thought.

They have a massive Army of demons and one large one ready to take the world. Was all I could think as The false archdemon swooped down upon us.  
We dove but the warden commander; Clarel, was picked up by the mouth of the beast.

She is not going to make it.

The beast landed on the nearby tower and spat Clarel out like she was nothing, it came down to the main landing for the rest of us. She crawled towards the demon. Using the warden motto as some kind of mantra. The Archdemon Lept Just as she fired a strike at it, wounding the beast, sending it screeching over the edge. Suddenly under us, the ground began to crumble and soon we were all falling into the giant canyon below.

No it cannot end like this I promised Cullen I would be back.

I forced my palms out in front of myself.

I have to try for him, for all of us.

I then closed my eyes and thought with all my might.

_Tear._


	11. Faded Nightmares

Stroud's voice was the first thing I heard when I came to"Where are we?"

'We were falling If this is the afterlife the chantry owes me an apology this looks nothing like the makers bosom." Hawke said

I looked at what I thought was up to see Hawke standing upside down on one of the rocky spires to my right. "I will Second that, Though I don't think we are dead."

"No. The inquisitor must have opened another rift, we fell through. I believe we're in The Fade." Stroud's voice was so stoic that I couldn't tell if he was frightened, annoyed, or bored. The fact that he was standing on a wall to my left didn't help, either.

"The Fade looked much different the last time I was here," Hawke said looking around.

"The first time I entered the fade, it looked like a lovely castle filled with gold and silks. I met a marvelous desire demon, as I recall. We chatted and ate grapes before he attempted to possess me." Dorian said cheerfully " Perhaps the difference is that we are here physically. This is no one's dream." he pondered. That would explain a bit if his theory is true.

"Is this really what's it's like when you dream? How do you people ever sleep? " Varric asked. It was always a bit sad to me that dwarves could not dream.

Dorian replied " Well I don't know about theirs but, my visits to The Fade are usually more pleasant. I don't usually wake up with the need to bathe. Usually. Sometimes. Well never mind that."

I was trying to figure out; to remember, if it was the same when Hawke asked: "The stories say you walked out of the fade at haven, was it like this?"

"How should I know I am not exactly an authority on the subject," I replied, where is Solas when you need him.

"What was it like last time?" Hawke asked.

"I don't remember last time." I shook my head and stepped forward to see where the others had landed.

Hawke walked down off the spire "Whatever it was like at haven we cannot assume that it was what it's like now, that huge demon was right on the other side of that rift Erimond was using, and there could be others."

Varric chimed in "Remember last time we ended up in the fade, Hawke?"

"Oh how could I forget?" she replied " My closest friends showed such loyalty in the face of a demon's temptations," she said knowingly. I wanted to laugh but I kept it to myself.

Varric scratched the back of his head "Well, we got better. Sort of."

I couldn't help it I let out a small chuckle and looked back to sera who was not taking this well. Not well at all.

Sera was fearful. This was the first time I had seen her ever like this. "Shitballs, Fuck, Shit Crap, Fade, Shit, Arse, Demons, Crap!" she swore.  
"Full agreement here Sera, I don't like the Idea of being on the Arse end of Demon Town" I told her as fingered my blade ready for any demon that even thought to take one of us. Varric's diversion over we have to get out of here before some demon finds us.

Stroud broke in "in our world the Rift that the demons came through was nearby. In the main hall. Can we escape the same way?"

"it beats waiting around for demons to find us." I looked up to the puce green sky to see a swirling vortex. "There let's go"

" So this is the true face of The Fade, behind the dreams and visions. Don't linger my dear. I think the spirits dislike being unmasked."Vivienne commented coolly as we moved along the path.

I understood the danger here.  
If only my brother Darian could see me now.  
Not a mage but still in the Fade.

"I agree. This place is dangerous. I will gladly fight demons, but I have no desire to see where they come from." Blackwall said as he kept vigilance.  
that's where my brother would differ as a templar he always wanted to know more about those he was tasked to fight or guard.

Cassandra was in awe" Just Imagine it! To walk in The Fade and survive…"

"So we survive? Good to know." the usual smart comment came from Varric of course.

"We haven't survived yet." Iron Bull Replied looking towards the mess before us as demons spawned around us.

"'Hey chief let's join the inquisition! Good Fights For a Good Cause!" he said imitating Krem. he swung his ax through one of the demons skulls. "I don't know krem, I hear there are demons. Ah, Don't worry about the demons chief! I'm Sure we won't see many!" he continued as I cut down one of the shades that had spawned. He grumbled "Asshole!" as one of the nightmare demons popped up.  
"Everyone if I get possessed, feint on my blind side, Then go low. Cullen says I leave myself open." He charged the beast leaving a huge gaping hole in its skull.

"I'll Bear that in mind" Varric replied firing a bolt into the last shade.

"Noted," I said cleaning off my saber. Solas was still looking around in wonder.

"This is fascinating! It is not the area I would have chosen, of course. But to physically walk within the fade…" he sighed. Solas examined the area.  
I swear I think I saw him take some samples.

Varric holstered Bianca "Right. You like it here." he adjusted his gloves" Isn't that wonderful."

"Yes. Literally." Solas replied too distracted to hear the cynical tone in Varric's voice.

I walked over to Solas to get his attention " Solas, you are the expert on this place. Anything helpful?" I asked; hoping it would get him to come back to Thedas.

Solas continued taking his samples "The Fade is shaped by intent and emotion. Remain focused, and it will lead you where you wish to go." He got up and placed the samples in one of his pouches. "The demon that controls the area is extremely powerful. Some variety of fear, I would guess. I suggest you remain wary of its manipulations and prepare for what is certain to be a fascinating experience." He finished with what sounded like cheer in his voice.

Only he would be excited by the possibility of being devoured by a fear demon.

Sera cringed trying not to touch anything she didn't have to" shite, piss, stupid" she tripped on one of the many bodies that remained from our fight. " I hate this!" She wined. She was not alone with that as I looked at cole who was talking fervently to himself. "Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. Wringing me out. Wrought right and rigid. Can't Relax. Can't release…"

"You doing alright kid?" Varric looked towards him. We both were concerned. This had to be tough for him a spirit in The Fade trying to keep his form. We must get out of here.

"It's alright, Cole. we will get you out of here soon." I told him as we started forward on the path. "Thank you. It should be like home. It's not. This isn't me, not this part." he said calmly. I hoped we could get him out of here soon. He was unique as Solas told me once before, and the fact he wanted to be human made me want to help him. We came to a clearing with the path blocked before us.

It was then I heard Stroud gasp behind me "By the maker, could that be…?"

I looked around and then I saw her.

"I greet you, warden. And you, champion." It was the divine, was she alive?

Cassandra moved closer in shock "Divine justinia? Most Holy?"

"Cassandra" the divine replied, she looked like she had last time I saw her. I moved closer hard to tell if this was real or a trick of the fade.

"Cassandra, you knew the divine. Is this really her?" I asked her.

"I… I don't know. It is said that the souls of the dead pass through the fade and sometimes linger but… we know the spirits lie. Be wary, inquisitor." Cassandra said as she looked to me.

"I fear the divine is indeed dead. It is likely we face a spirit… or a demon." stroud said to her.

"you think my survival impossible, yet here you stand alive in The Fade yourselves. In truth, proving my existence, either way, would require time we do not have." the spirit said as the others moved in around me.

"Spirit most likely. if she was a demon we would be hearing her trying to bargain with us." I assumed keeping my eyes on the spirit.

"Really how hard is it to answer a question? I'm a human, and you are…" Hawke was trying to get it riled.

"I am here to help you. you do not remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes Inquisitor?" she said plainly.

"Did you take my memories?" I asked her

"No. You lost them to the demon that serves Corypheus. It is the nightmare you forget upon waking. It feeds off memories of fear and darkness, growing fat upon the terror. The false calling that terrified the wardens into making such grave mistakes? It's work." her voice was with no emotion.

It has to be a spirit.

"I would gladly avenge the insult this nightmare dealt my brethren," Stroud said to her.

"You will have your chance, brave warden. This place of darkness is its lair." She said.

"You mean the big demon Erimond was trying to bring through?" I asked hoping it didn't mean what I thought it did.

"Yes," she said just standing there

"It's nearby." still trying to deny it.

" Yes" still standing there.

"Well. Shit" I said aloud

Just what we needed one big bad demon to fight.

"When you entered the fade at haven, the demon took a part of you. Before you do anything else, you must recover it. These are your memories inquisitor." the divine said.

It was then I saw it.

the warden blood mages were holding the divine in the air to be sacrificed by Corypheus, I had saved her and had taken the orb he had been planning to use. it was what made the mark on my hand and us fall through the fade.

And I couldn't save her.

"I see," I said drowning out the small riot behind me. The thoughts were shared with more than myself. I followed her to the barrier."This is the path" the divine said opening the way ahead of us. She was now this glowing ethereal being. "Follow it to the rift but know you must confront the demon, to leave." We started forward on the path, Cassandra looked unsure.

"Could that have been the most holy?" she asked

"Justinia was unarmed and unprepared. She could not have defended herself against the creatures of the Fade." Vivienne was on guard, I could tell she did not want to be here, despite her solidarity. "Whether this is a kindly spirit or a demon fighting its rival for territory remains to be seen."

"So she's not real? Then the Nightmare's fake, too, right? Right? " Sera was trembling as we moved forward, following the divine.

"I have no idea if it's a spirit it is not acting like one. No demon would have been so helpful without asking for something in return" Dorian chimed in

Iron Bull grunted, "That's great and all, But the nightmare is the thing currently scaring the shit outta me."

Solas just stayed silent, was it out of wonder or contemplation I could not tell.

Blackwall nodded in agreement with iron bull " From what she said I don't look forward to meeting it."

We ran into another pack of demons with more of my memories.

"This is not so bad, it's not so bad Right!?" Sera asked loudly trying to keep calm.

"Yeah could be worse... We could have two massive demons wanting us for chow," I replied

"Not helpin'" she grunted firing an arrow at a shade.

Blackwall was taking down one of the nightmares "Hard to outrun anything in this swamp."

We took down the last of them and I had another flashback to trying to save the Divine in The Fade. She pushed me through the rift sacrificing herself to the nightmares chasing us.I looked ahead at the glowing spirit now. I knew that this could only be a spirit who took her form. We started forward again after we got the barrier down.

"Ground should be down, Sky should be high. Figure it out fade!" Sera yelled trying to make sense of the place.

"As much as I want this place to conform Sera. I doubt yelling at it will change anything." She needed to calm down her fear will only draw more to us. But We were close to the end I could feel it, even the nightmare demons avoided this place.

Stroud was next to me " A demon that steals fears from the minds of men… after what it did to my fellow wardens, I pray we find some way to strike it down."

"Yes, I do as well stroud" that's when I saw it. huge and grotesque, it's all the time I had before its voice entered my thoughts " _You will never strike me down_ " It hissed." _Get out of my head demon_ ," I thought back no need to scare my companions more than they already are. They were fighting it and it's minions while I crouched in pain. " _Why? your memories are so delicious, especially this one._ " in a flash I was forced into my nightmare.

_My hands were bound to the post._

I knew what was going to happen.

_It was then I heard Arwen's voice behind me. "I am sorry for this, But I will get the same if I defy him. I will try to make this light as I can."_

I couldn't help it then, I felt fear. Not this one anything but this.

_He stepped back and I heard the crack. I closed my eyes trying to be ready for what was to come but it did not help. The strikes and the pain. It made my eyes water._

I felt them like I was there again. And It didn't stop. I was trapped by the fear of what was to come.

The pain continued the echoes of my cries, _“No... no... arrête!”_ the burning, _"Père! Faites-l'arrêter!"_ and him there stone-faced even though he understood every word.  
It was then I heard Coles voice. " _Fight it_." I moved forward to where the demon was standing before us. I thought of those days in Kirkwall. If it likes fear, then anything other than that… It will not eat tonight! " _No, What is this._ " it said.

I knew it was gone after the fight. I had no time to rest with, My companions moving to the rift. The huge Demon was coming up behind us.

Stroud stayed behind to Save Us. More heroic Self-Sacrifice, that I wish wasn't necessary.

And the gray wardens were our allies. We needed them regardless of my feelings. Blights Need to be fought.  
Jamais sacrifier un atout, as mother would say.

Hawke told me she was going to Weishaupt to tell the other wardens of this.

Everything after was like a dream. Ironic considering where we had come from. The Fade; And I gained new memories, new pains, and fears. Why Did it have to pick that one, If not for Cole I don't think I could have broken out. if the spirit ever needed my help I would give it. I owed him that.

When we finally reached Skyhold all I wanted was Hector, some wine, and a bath.

A non-judgemental friend and the others to wash the nightmares away.

Cullen, Didn't need to see me like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Translations**  
>  Non... non... arrête: no,no,stop  
> Père! Faites-l'arrêter: Father! Make it stop!  
> Jamais sacrifier un atout - never sacrifice an asset.


	12. Reveal

 

* * *

I walked into the armory as one of Cullen’s scouts had told me he would be here.  
I knew something was wrong the moment I didn’t see him in his office.  
I walked in the door to hear Cassandra say “ You asked for my opinion, and I have given it. Why would you Expect it to change?”  
Cullen was pacing “ I expect you to keep your word. It’s relentless. I can’t…”  
Cassandra cut him off “ you give yourself too little credit.”  
“If I’m Unable to fulfill the vows I kept, Then nothing good has come of this. Would you rather save face than admit…” He growled. As noticed me and his anger faded. He looked Back to Cassandra and said “we will speak of this later” he walked out glancing at me as he passed the door.  
Cassandra huffed “ And people say I’m stubborn. This is ridiculous.”  
She looked at me “Cullen has told you that he is no longer taking lyrium?”  
I nodded at her “Yes, and I respect his decision.”  
“As do I, not that he will listen. he gives himself too little credit. Cullen Has asked that I recommend a replacement for him. I refused It is not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him, he’s come so far."  
”Is there anything I could do to change his mind,” I asked.  
Cassandra sighed “If anyone could It’s you. Mages have made their suffering known, templars never have. They are bound to the order, Mind, and Soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash.” We looked at the forge, it’s flames consuming the hot embered wood. ”Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove to himself and anyone who would follow suit, that it’s possible.” she looked at me ”He can do this, I knew that when we met in Kirkwall.”  
I always knew he could.  
“ Talk to him.” she nodded to me as she walked to the door.  
“Decide if now is the time.” and she walked out.  
I proceeded out of the armory a while after she left I needed to figure this out. Time to think.  
looked towards the hall wondering if I would be missed, what I saw though was Solas Out of his study for a rare moment, He and cole were having some kind of debate. What in thedas is going on?? they never argued.  
They came into range as I passed the newly built training yard. “No,” Solas replied, what was cole asking about?  
“But you like demons” cole pleaded, demons? But he is not a demon.  
“I enjoy the company of spirits, yes, which is part of why I don’t abuse them with bindings.” solas stepped away from cole. What, we just stopped an entire demon army and cole wants solas to bind him??  
“It isn’t abuse if I ask!” Cole was desperate. why?  
“Not Always true.” He turned to Cole “Also, I do not practice blood magic which renders this entire conversation academic.”  
Cole Came up to me.“He won’t bind me he is a mage and he likes demons, but he won’t help”  
“Why would you want Solas to bind you?” Binding is the last thing he needed.  
“So I’m safe” he moved away and turned back to the hall. “ if solas won’t do the ritual to bind me someone else could. Will! Like the warden mages! And then..”  
He looked down at his feet “I’m not me anymore” He started mumbling “walls around what I want blocking, bleeding, making me a monster” he doesn’t want to be used by the enemy.  
Alright, I’ll help. “There has to be some middle ground between ‘do nothing’ and ‘bind cole with blood magic’.”  
“Indeed.” solas nodded ”I recall stories of amulets used by rivaini seers to protect spirits they summoned from rival mages. A spirit wearing an amulet of the unbound was immune to blood magic and binding. It should protect cole as well. The resources of the inquisition could be used to find such a talisman.” I was praying this was not going to be another lecture.  
“Good. they will not take me.” cole walked off determination in his stride. I could understand not wanting to be bound. I was bound once before, it was not pleasant.  
I memoed myself to get one of these amulets.

* * *

"Well if it isn't The Raven, flew off to leave the poor Fennic to find you." I turned to the soft melodic voice, from the corner of the great hall.  
"Fennic!" I smiled and swooped the fair half dwarf in my arms.  
"Agh, Get off! Sheesh If I knew you missed me this much I would have come sooner. but I had some things to set up within the company and Alex is not far behind me."  
she brushed herself off, "Come, Fennic you can tell me more in the Rookery. Everyone will hear us here."  
we reached the rookery after passing through at least three of my recent comrades watching and following the new face around Skyhold.  
"So, How have you been Fennic?"  
"As fine as any person can be after she avoids being captured by blood mages."  
"Heh yeah, thankfully we fixed that."  
"Good I would hate to have to play target practice with gray wardens."  
"I take it you put our little company in suspension until all of this is over?"  
"Yes, And all intelligence assets I want to put forward to help the inquisition."  
"I missed you, Eda."  
"Same here Tara."  
Lilianna spotted us then. "Incoming Fennic."  
"Inquisitor, is this who I think it is?"  
"Yes Liliana, Fennic this is our head of intelligence I am sure you know each other."  
Liliana met Fennic's eyes then, "so you are the one who has been intercepting intelligence?"  
"Possibly, it depends. Though I really cannot say, since I get my intelligence from everywhere. I am sure you know all about that." Fennic gave Lilianna one of her half-moon grins.  
"Liliana, Fennic wants to offer our little company's intelligence assets to the inquisition." I placed my hand on the Nightengale's shoulder.  
"I suggest you take them, Fennic I'll catch up with you later," I waved to my friend and smiled my way back down to the hall. I sat in my _throne_ and called court into session.  
It's time to judge those from Adamant.

 

* * *

It was close to nightfall when I went to check on Cullen, I hoped he had not done anything rash as I came to his door with a small meal from the kitchens. I looked in, he had not noticed me. He was too focused on the kit at his desk. As I started to come in the office he let a loud angry growl as a box flew and barely missed me. Glass shattered. He was immediately sorry. “Maker’s breath, I didn’t hear you enter I… “ he shook his head “forgive me” I grinned for his sake “As long as you were not aiming at me, then I am sure the box had it coming.”  
“I swear I didn’t Know you were…” he grunted in pain “I didn’t want this to interfere” he continued. he was bent over only using his desk for support. I set the food down, worried about him “ Are you going to be alright?”  
“Yes, I don’t know. You asked what happened at Ferelden's circle. It was taken over by abominations. The templars my friends were slaughtered.” he took a breath and walked over to the window “ I was tortured. they tried to break my mind and I” he sighed though it sounded more like sob “ How could I be the same person after that? Still, I wanted to serve.” He turned with a scowl ”And they sent me to Kirkwall.” His anger bleeding through “ I trusted my knight-commander and for what? Hmm, her fear of mages ended in madness.” He looked out the window ” And Kirkwall’s Circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets.” he glanced at me. I remembered the fires and all the faces I could not save that day.  
He stepped closer to me. “Can’t you see why I want nothing to do with that life?” _Yes._ I felt the same every time a letter from my father came.  
“Of course I can I…” he cut me off.  
“Don’t, you should be questioning what I’ve done” he sighed, “I thought this would be better. That I would regain some control over my life, but these thoughts won’t leave me.” He paced “how many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this Cause! I will not give less to the inquisition than I did the chantry.” he took a breath looking down at his hands, they were shaking “ I should be taking it!” he punched the bookshelf. His tone halfway between anger and pleading me to give him permission. He whispered “I should be taking it” he held his fist against the bookshelf.  
“This doesn’t have to be about the inquisition. Is this what you want?” I met his eyes.  
“No” He sighed his fist going limp. I moved closer in front of him now between him and the shelf and he lowered his arm down to hold my hand.  
“But these memories have always haunted me. If they become worse if I cannot endure this."  
“You Can.” I lead him outside to the battlements. I looked out at the mountainside, the moon was starting to rise over the crest.  
I should tell him I understand his pain. I looked back to him his amber eyes distant. “ I understand the need to forget Cullen.”  
“How? You were not there at the circle. You didn’t have to see Meredith's fall. you...” He said some of his anger returning. I cut him off.  
“ You remember my father?” I asked, he stopped in his tracks,  
“Yes, I do. But how?” He didn’t need to finish the question  
”I didn’t tell you everything. And what happened after…” I took a breath, I never shared this with anyone. Not even my younger siblings know of this. “There was a day seems just like yesterday sometimes.” His eyes met mine now, curious what I was telling him. “It was shortly after I had punched my arranged fiance at our coming out ball. My father was not pleased to hear that I stole a sword from our neighbor who was now wanting restitution for his trouble. Of course, I did not tell him where it was.” before he could say anything “ It was a family sword that he had taken from some farmers with force.  
He had called it a tithe and It wasn’t right so I fixed it. Now it’s where it belongs.” I took a breath at what I had to tell him next” My father said I gave him no choice but to have me punished. I knew he could not kill me, So what was the worst that could happen, dispiteI had been beaten, abused by him before, all because I was not my mother, despite looking so much like her. I didn't act like her or pretend to be like her for him and his _game_.”  
I took a breath trying to just let it all fall out and maybe it would not hurt so much. I didn’t look at Cullen, couldn’t.  
"What was the worst he could do after ten years of that?"  
What if he thought this was just a rich girl whining?

“But, Once again I had underestimated how far he had fallen.” I turned to look at the wall maybe that will make it easier. “I was taken down to the dungeon and stripped my waist. My skirt was all that they left to cover me.” The retelling… I trembled ”my hands were bound, tied to a post.” The knowing what was coming next didn’t hurt as much as the thought that my father let it happen. Cullen placed his hand on my shoulder to turn me towards him. I closed my eyes. ” Arwen our elven stableman had come in behind me, father always had him do the dirty work. _“I am sorry for this, But I will get the same if I defy him. I will try to make this light as I can.”_ he had whispered in my ear” my voice trembled.  
I was a fool to think saying this would be easy.  
“He stepped back and I heard it.” The fear I felt then was more than anything I have felt before that or since. I opened my eyes Cullen's face had changed. his concern, it had me on the verge of tears. I didn’t want pity. I wanted him to know he was not the only one haunted.  
“I had closed my eyes trying to be ready for what was to come but it didn't help.”  
I closed my eyes in reflex. I couldn’t look. I didn’t want to see what he thought, ”The pain...”  
My eyes water started to water just like then; Cullen pulled me close. “It didn’t stop by the middle I was limp and crying out at every strike, asking, pleading for him to stop. I kept praying to the maker that he would finish. But then my father had to make his point. He called Arwen weak and took it from him. The next five were the hardest, he wanted to make sure I bled.”  
I remembered watching the red bleed into my skirt, that time it was my own not others. I choked “25, I counted. ”  
I started crying, I couldn’t keep the mask on now. ”He wasn’t even sorry my father, But by that point, I had run out of tears to cry."  
"I could never follow his plan. Because he had watched the whole time… He wasn't even my father, not anymore." The dreams they haunt me to this day, will he see? We are two souls on the same journey?  
"I still wake sometimes, from the nightmares." the tears ran down my face as he turned my face to his.

~

She told me all that, I looked into her eyes.  
I had thought the scars were just from her merc work but, just knowing the truth.  
She said her father had changed but...  
She needed me if I broke what would it do to her. Her eyes shimmered in the moonlight, Despite the redness of her cheeks against her fair skin, Maker, she’s beautiful.  
Why she was sent to me I will never know.  
I guided her face close to mine, our lips touched.  
Slowly worshipping the feel of her against me.  
Holding her close not wanting to let go of the dream in my arms.  
I wanted her to smile just like all those nights in Kirkwall. How long had I missed this? Where it was just us, for only a moment.  
She pulled away resting her head against me, i knew it could not last eventually someone would find us.  
Her soft hair Brushed against my chin as she sighed, "The commander of the inquisition and the herald of andraste, that will have people talking."  
"Tell me about it, you would not believe how fast rumors travel through the barracks."  
I sighed. "but I rather this." I kept her close "Stay between us"  
"of course Cullen but eventually people will find out." She's right, but I can hope.  
She softly smiled and asked, " What took you so long?"  
"I guess I just have been busy."  
We stayed there a while watching the moon rise before she pulled away, "I should let you rest, we both have long days tomorrow. I'm sure you need time to think. Left some food on your desk if you are hungry"  
I wanted her to stay.  
"Are you sure you could just.."  
"I do but, I think we both need to be alone right now." She met my eyes, "I hope you feel better" she paused, "cause I do."  
she turned and walked away and all I could do was pray. Pray that she slept well tonight.  


* * *

It was just before dawn when I awoke, I wanted to check on Cullen to make sure he made it through the night, I knew he was in a bad way the other day I could only hope I helped.  
I walked into his office the scarf I had used to bring him dinner was neatly folded on his desk, I saw him out on the battlements, watching the sunrise. He was only dressed in his training clothes and had yet to brush his hair.  
I placed my hand on his, he looked at me has amber eyes catching the sun's rays."I wanted to thank you for coming to see me..."  
He rubbed the back of his head. I smiled as he said "if there's anything" he let out a breath "this sounded much better in my head"  
I remembered last night. "I trust you're feeling better?"  
"I... yes." Good.  
"Is it always that bad, Cullen?" I asked, wondering.  
"The pain comes and goes, sometimes I feel as if I'm back there. I should not have pushed myself so far." I could see his regret, there was nothing to be sorry for.  
"I am just Glad you are alright."  
I wanted to be there, to heal the hurt.  
He smiled. He looked towards the mountains, The colors that glimmered in the morning sun."I am. I never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden's circle. I was not myself after that." "I was angry for years that anger blinded me." I still remember his anger, some of our conversations leaned towards magic and whenever it did, his would clench and he would tell me he was needed elsewhere. "I am not proud of the man that made me. now I can put some distance between myself and everything that happened. it's a start." I watched him, Wanting to take it all in. A man like him laying himself bare. "for what is worth, I like the man standing before me today." He looked at me, his eyes meeting mine, "Even After?"  
"Cullen, I care for you nothing is ever going to change that."  
He smiled softly wrapping his arm around me. "What About you? you have troubles of your own, how are you holding up?"  
"I don't know, Cullen." I thought of the inquisition "I have met good people here and knowing they have my back... it helps."  
"Yes, you do certainly keep interesting company." he chuckled "I suppose I do as well."  
I smiled then "I missed this, Cullen but, we should go. I bet your men are waiting for you in the yard, I hate to think I made you late."  
He whispered in my ear "you could always stay and practice your knife throwing. make it feel like old times?"  
"I would like that." and we started down to the yard


	13. Ferelden

I was grinding out knives out on my balcony overlooking Skyhold. small things like this reminded me of my place in Kirkwall and now that Fennic was here it was only better. The event's at Sarnia had troubled both Cullen and I. Sampson making red lyrium from the bodies of men was monstrous. I was happy to have stopped it and the demon that was working with him. When I returned to skyhold we discussed our findings and how to dismantle Sampson's new armor. I was about to go back to my blades when I heard the fluttering of wings and turned thinking I would find Hector with some message. Instead, it was a Large black and gray flecked owl with an amulet in his beak. The Owl nodded a moment before he flew into my room, dropping the amulet on my desk, and landing on the floor.  
I knew who it was the moment I saw him and smiled.  
Watching Alex change always disconcerted me, it was a mix between beauty and the grotesque. Once he was done there he was standing in the middle of my room in his gray, silver embroidered jerkin and black linen trousers. "Nice, This is much grander than Kirkwall," he said flippantly his gray eyes darting around my quarters.  
"Yes, and you missed a few feathers," I walked over to greet my Cousin.  
He ran his hands through his black hair checking for feathers. "Oh Ha Ha. I would like you to try to do what I do."  
"thank you but no. I don't need to be regurgitating my meals."  
"Mouse is not that bad once you have tried it." he slipped on his boots from his pack.  
I walked over to my desk "ok first gross and second is this the amulet?"  
"Yeah, This should help your spirit friend. I asked If I could deliver it myself since I was coming anyway."  
I Placed the amulet in my pocket to give Cole later. "It's good to see you Alex. Do you want the tour?"  
"After you Madame."  
I smiled "I hope you have gotten better at your Orlisian."  
"why is that?"  
"we have secured an invitation to the upcoming ball at the winter palace."  
"really? I should be thankful my parents are dead then." Alex had to duck one of the lower hanging door frames. At nearly 6 feet, Alex towered over most people. hopefully, he will enjoy meeting Iron Bull, someone he would be nearly on the level with.  
"Yes, and when Josie, Vivienne, And Dorian see you they will most likely subject your tattered long lovely locks to a trim and dress you to look stunning."  
"hey it's not my fault the ladies, and some gentleman enjoy this." he flexed his arm for a moment before hitting his head on another door frame  
I chuckled to myself as I made my way to the end of the hall." yes, I am sure Alex."

"It’s just this solas, he is not like you and the other apostates I have known." I rushed down the stairs hoping that we would not be overheard.  
Alex was keeping up handily, he had been working on his stamina since that incident years ago. But he kept telling me it was from his trying to become a bear.“How is that cousin? You know almost every one of us is different in some way or form”  
“Yes but solas. He has no fear, and when he seems fearful it's more defensive of himself than…”  
“Are you sure you are not reading too much into this?”  
“At first I thought I was but I am just not sure whenever he seems to have answers to something that should be beyond him he says ‘i learned it in the Fade.’ or some other such reason. never is it a genuine guess or unknowing.” He is too good I thought as I opened the door to the tavern.  
Alex laughed for a moment, “Alright first off stop going crazy, and two I’ll keep an eye on him maybe I can get some truth from my friends.” He turned to stop me from going up the stairs,"But if you really have issue with him why do you let him stay?'  
I sighed "I don't dislike him, I just get the feeling he is not being entirely honest. And as both you and I know dishonesty is not something we can discount someone on." I moved past him "We did enough of that in Kirkwall."  
Thankfully Cole was there when I got to the top. Hopefully, this shall distract Alex for a bit.

"Cole, We have found the amulet that solas told us about." I said to cole as he moved closer" Would you like to try it on?"  
Cole smiled "Yes! But not here. I like it here. We need someplace that can go away if it becomes sharp."  
"come let's go to solas' study." I gestured to Alex "Cole this is Alex he is my cousin. He likes spirits too."  
But Alex was already trying to study him "You are amazing. Taking a human shape without some form of possession. I mean you were already remarkable in my cousin letters but in person. Wow."  
"Thank you, you are nice too. yes, your great aunt misses you."  
"Really? Wait did you just?"  
"He does that Alex. Cole is infamous for prying as well but then being a spirit of compassion does that. And you miss great aunt Lucille?"  
"Don't change the subject Tara, Is it only pains you want to solve? How do they feel?"  
"They are tangled, knotted, I try to untangle them but sometimes I tear. I try to make them forget but Tara says that bad."  
I nodded "Cole they should remember your help." We were almost to Solas' office thank the maker, one more frenzied question from my cousin and I might burst.  
He always enjoyed a new element of magic; spirit or otherwise.  


"What Do I do with it?" Cole asked solas as soon as we walked in.  
“You found one of the amulets. Excellent. May I?” Solas Said excitedly. One of the few emotions he seems to manage, and only when it’s the ‘Fade’. Cole showed him the amulet.  
“It’s simple enough. You put it on, I charge it with magic, and you should be protected.” Another thing he seems to know way too much about.  
I looked at Alex for a moment as cole secured the amulet to his shirt. I meet solas’ eyes once more,“We Know it’s not going to work, Right? It never just works.”  
Solas said calmly “Have Faith, Inquisitor.” Agh and right back to stone face. The last time I saw him show anything that resembled normal emotion was when we helped his spirit friend. But then even that was fade related.  
He started to charge the amulet It glowed with an eerie blue hue before there was a small bang and it knocked Cole back. Cole cried out in pain As Varric walked in, “What was that?”  
He saw all of us together,"Oh for… What Are you Doing to the kid?  
Cole turned to Varric and he told him worriedly “Stopping Blood mages from binding me like the demons at Adamant. But it didn’t work.”  
"Something is interfering with the enchantment." Solas stating the obvious.  
Varric just looked at him "Something like cole not being a Demon?"  
"he has a point. When Agatha and I dealt with spirits they never had the kind of attitude Cole has."Alex observed, and sadly I trust my cousin more right now.  
"Solas, is it possible that the amulet doesn’t work on cole because He’s too … Human?" I was curious was our influence changing Cole?  
“Regardless of Cole’s special Circumstances, he remains a spirit," he said, and that was not an answer.  
Varric kept poking solas, "Yes, A Spirit who is strangely like a person?" I am hoping Varric had the same niggle I was feeling.  
Cole started to pace," I Don’t matter, just lock away the parts of me that someone else could knot together to make me follow."  
Solas Kept his eyes on cole despite Varric’s remark,"Focus on the amulet. Tell me what you feel."  
Cole started to mutter as he focused, "Warm, Soft Blanket covering, but it catches, tears, I'm the wrong shape, there’s something..."  
Cole turned seeming to have found the problem ”There, That way.”  
"Well, it appears we have something to find." I looked at Solas, “I told you it never just works.”  
Varric nodded “All Right, Kid. Get Cullen and work with him on the map to figure out where you’re sensing something wrong.  
Cole looked at all of us “Will you come with me? All of you?”  
“Sure” Varric agreed and Alex smiled “sure should be quite informative since I have so many questions for you.”  
Cole walked towards the hall As I watched Varric go up to solas, “All right, I get it. You like Spirits. But he came into this world to be a person. Let him be one.”  
I nodded “if I see a way to protect Cole without taking away… Whatever he is, I’ll use it, But clearly, Cole needs our help.  
Varric kept his eyes on us “I’m not saying we do nothing. But that ritual of theirs only works on demons, right?”  
Solas seemed upset; for once. “This is not some fanciful story child of the stone. We cannot change our nature by wishing.  
“You don’t think?” he said calmly.  
“However we deal with the problem, Our next step is to track down whatever is interfering with the enchantment,” Solas said looking off after Cole.  
Varric shook his head and made his way back to his lair in the great hall.

  


* * *

I was now apparently the mail delivery woman since mother Giselle did not have the heart to tell Dorian the truth. I slowly made my way up to Dorian's kook in the library.  
"Dorian there is a letter you need to see," I told him hoping he would just read it.  
he smiled, "A letter? is it a naughty letter? a humorous proposal from some Antivan dowager?"  
i shook my head as I made my way to sit down, "Not Quite. It's from your Father."  
the grin quickly faded, "From my father, I see. and what does magister Halward want, Pray tell?"  
"A Meeting"  
Dorian quickly sat down next to me, "show me this letter"  
I waited for Dorian to finish the letter his father had sent. Dorian couldn't believe it, "'I know my son' what my father knows of me could barely fill a thimble. This is so typical. I am willing to bet this 'retainer' is a henchman, hired to knock me on the head and drag me back to Tevinter." "Ha, that would be hard to do while I stood there." I leaned back in the chair. Dorian nodded in agreement, "He expects me to travel with mother Giselle, although maker knows why he'd think I would. let's go, let's meet this so called 'family retainer' if it's a trap we escape and kill everyone you're good at that. If it's not, I send the man back to my father with the message that he can stick his alarm in his 'Wit's end'." I looked out the window for a moment while I may not be able to forgive my father I always hoped he would change and we could try to be a family again, "as much as I am a fan of sticking it to father's, I think you should at least meet with this retainer to see what your family wants." Dorian spat "I didn't ask what you thought, did I?" he paused rethinking his words "that... was unworthy, I apologize. there would be no harm in hearing what this man of my fathers has to say. If I don't like it, however, I want to leave. I gave a slight nod, "That works for me." "I wonder how much my father paid this man to wait around just in case I showed?" he sighed "well we will find out soon enough." 

  


* * *

I entered Cullen's office thankfully it was quiet. I was hoping we could go to the battlements for a moment to ourselves. before I solved everybody's problems...  
Cullen looked up from his desk “Ah there you are”  
Was he waiting? “Were you waiting for me?”  
“Yes… I mean no.’ he stammered rubbing the back of his head. Confident on the battlefield awkward on sharing his feelings.  
“Oh good, I have kept and not kept you waiting.” I smiled.  
he sighed “let me start over”  
“By all means.”  
“We have some dealings in ferelden and I wondered if you would accompany me.” he walked around his desk to stand in front of me.  
“Is something the matter?” did he have something going on too?  
“What? No! I rather explain there.” what could have him so unsure?  
“Well I believe there is time now” We have a lot to do there anyway with Dorian and Cole.  
“I will make the necessary arrangements.” he smiled.

  


* * *

We finally made it to Redcliffe. Cullen was waiting for us back at camp and I had sent Dorian ahead to the inn to wait for me. Cole had his sights set on one man by the griffin statue. as we closed in on him he came towards us. "greetings can I help you?" It was then I heard a new emotion from Cole, Anger. "you" He vanished and appeared in front of the man. and took his head in hand "you killed Me!" "what I Don't... I don't even know you." he pleaded with Cole Fearing for his life. " you Forgot. you locked me in the dungeon in the spire, and you forgot. and I died in the dark." "the Spire." "Cole, Stop" solas said calmly. Varric stepped in front of cole to keep him from chasing the man, "just take it easy, kid." "he killed me. he killed me. that's why it doesn't work he killed me, and now I have to kill him back." he shouted at Varric. "Ok, Before anyone gets killed I need to understand what is going on here," I asked trying to clear this up. "Cole this man cannot have killed you. you are a spirit. you have not even possessed a body." solas said trying to calm cole. I looked at Alex as cole started to mutter "A broken body, Bloody, Banged on the stone cell , Guts gripping in the dark dank, a captured apostate.They threw him into the dungeon in the spire at Val Royeaux. They forgot about him. and he starved to death." Varric grimaced as cole continued "I came through to help... and I couldn't so i became him... Cole." "that actually explains a lot, he wanted to help so much that he willed himself into this form," Alex said excitedly making a note in one of his journals. He wants to be human was all I could think as Varric shook his head "if cole was an apostate, that'd make the guy we saw a templar. Must've been buying lyrium." Cole was fuming "Let me kill him, I need to... I need to." it was hatred. if he needs this then... he needs to grow. "We can't let cole kill a man." solas said as we watched cole move towards the direction of the templar. "I Don't think anyone was going to suggest that, Chuckles." "Cole is a spirit. the death of the real cole wounded him, perverted him from his purpose." solas was still using that matter of fact tone that annoyed me to death. "are we sure this is a perversion?" Alex said. "of course." solas retorted. "solas give Alex a turn. Alex what are you getting at?" "if Cole is a spirit of compassion. this his act of becoming cole was the only way he could rectify his nature or in other words in becoming Cole he healed something, thedas." "you know Alex if I didn't know you better that would be quite poetic." "the fact still remains is that cole is a spirit and to regain his past self, he must forgive." solas said looking at Alex with disapproval. "Come on! You don't just forgive someone _Killing_ you." Varric said what was going right through my mind as he said that. "you Don't. A Spirit can." "the kids angry. he needs to work through it." "a spirit does not work through emotions it embodies them." Solas was really getting to me with his inflexibility. "but he isn't a spirit, is he? As Alex said he made himself human, and humans change. they get hurt and they heal. he needs to work it out like a person" "you will alter the essence of what he is." "he did that to himself when he left the fade, I'm just helping him survive it." "It seems cole will never grow into a real person until he comes to terms with what happened." "I'll take care of it," Varric said before he turned to where cole was standing staring at the cruel man who forgot him." All right, kid. you want revenge? come with me." I watched as Varric took Cole to enact whatever plan he had for vengeance. 

"Alex, take Solas back to camp. I will meet you there once i have finished with my business with Dorian." I needed to deal with this now, and Alex, while I love him like a brother, doesn't need to be part of Dorian's issues. even if he is our 'nth cousin. I made my way to the inn where Dorian was outside

  


* * *

Dorian's father Dorian looked around the empty tavern 'uh oh, nobody's here, this does not bode well."  
it was then a voice rang out from the corner "Dorian."  
Dorian Turned to the regal figure in the corner "Father. so the whole story about the 'retainer' was just... what? a smokescreen?"  
the magister walked forward "then you were told. I apologize for the deception inquisitor. I never intended for you to be involved."  
"Of course not. Magister Pavus couldn't come to skyhold and be seen with the dread inquisitor. What would people think? So what Exactly is this, father? kidnapping? Ambush? Warm Family Reunion?" Dorian couldn't stand it. but his father seemed so calm resolute the complete opposite from my own.  
magister Pavus sighed, "this is how it always has been."  
"you went through all of this to get Dorian here. Talk to him." he needed to stop beating around the bush.  
"Yes, Father. Talk to me. let me hear how you are mystified by my anger" Dorian said with venom in his words.  
"Dorian there's no need to-" Dorian cut his father off to tell me.  
"I prefer the company of men my father disapproves."  
That was not a surprise to me at all, "Well, then your father might be here to reach out. you could give him a chance."  
"Let's Just Go." he wanted to run.  
the magister just stood there calmly, "Dorian, Please, if you'll only listen to me."  
Dorian walked up to his father "why? so you can spout more convenient lies?"  
the magister stood there taking in all of Dorian's fury, " _he_ who taught me to hate blood magic 'the resort of a weak mind.' those are _his_ words." Dorian started to pace," But what was the first thing you did when your precious heir refused to play pretend for the rest of his life?"  
he looked back to his father "you tried to _change_ me!" a slight sob in his voice. Dorian's attitude was just like mine... a mask for pain.  
"I only wanted what was best for you!" the magister slightly pleaded.  
"You wanted what was best for _you_! for your fucking legacy! Anything for that!" I understood Dorian's feelings at this point, but his father seemed to be sorry for what he'd done not like mine at all. I looked at Dorian as he stood there brooding over the counter.  
" Don't Leave it like this, Dorian, or you will never forgive yourself." it was the same reason I still even let my father talk to me. the hope that some day I could get what Dorian is getting right now.  
Dorian met my gaze before he moved back towards his father "tell me why you came?"  
"if I knew I would Drive you to the inquisition..."  
"you didn't. I joined the inquisition because it's the right thing to do. once I had a father who would have known that." Dorian turned as his father closed his eyes accepting this truth.  
"once I had a son who trusted me. A trust I betrayed." why couldn't my father say those words to me, if Dorian wasn't moved by this nothing would do it.  
Dorian turned to his father as he continued, "I only wanted to talk to him. to hear his voice again. To ask him to forgive me."  
he looked at me and I nodded to Dorian, in a slight gesture to go and talk.  
we were there almost till evening.  


  


* * *

“where are we?” I asked as he had covered my eyes to lead me here.  
“You walk into danger every day. I wanted to take you away from all that.i grew up not far from here. This place was always quiet.” Cullen uncovered my eyes and led me to a pier.  
“did you come here often?” I asked him taking in the view.  
“I loved my siblings, but they were very loud. I came here to get away from all that. They always found me eventually.” he was showing me his little hideaway.  
“you were happy here?” was this place my view from Kirkwall to him?  
“I was. I still am.” he looked relaxed. He had grown so much from that nervous templar I met back in Kirkwall into this confident commander. Who still needed to learn he could tell me almost anything and I would accept it.  
I looked out over the lake the moon and stars reflected in his depths and the fog started to roll in through the reeds, ‘It’s beautiful”  
Cullen placed his hand in one of his pouches, what was he getting? “The last time I was here was the day I left for templar training.”He pulled out a small simple silver coin,” My brother gave me this he said it was for luck, templars are not supposed to keep such things our faith should see us through.”  
“You broke the order's rules, I'm shocked.” I feigned surprise.  
“Until a year ago I was very good at following them, most of the time.”He looked down at the simple silver coin in his hand” This is the only thing I took from ferelden that the templars didn’t give me.” he met my eyes then. he held my hand placing the coin in it.” Here I want you to have it. We don’t know what dangers you will face before the end, this can’t hurt.”  
The soft look on his face made me smile, “I’ll Keep it safe”  
“Good I know it’s foolish But I am glad.” He said as he pulled me close.  
and we kissed there softly, entwined in the fog and soft moonlight.

  


* * *

I was sitting at my desk with my fine work tools. It was my special project since the ball was almost around the corner. I broke out my small heat tack and pressed it to the back of the case I had made. I then turned it over and placed Our Coin Inside. I smiled and hung it on a simple chain around my neck long enough not to show but short enough that he would know that it was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now as much as I may like Solas for being a well-done character. In Tara's mind, she is quite unnerved by his cool nature. to her, it's unnatural and makes her suspect him more. A lot of his characterization puts him in antithesis with her. But we shall find out more in the future.
> 
> Also, I want to thank everyone so far for the kudos and the visits. they always inspire me to continue working on the parts of this series and see it to completion.


	14. Wicked Minds

        The night the ball had finally arrived after dealing with Varric's ex-girlfriend being the reason Corypheus has red lyrium. I wish I had never asked about Bianca now. Then, of course, there was Sera's making wine out of a noble's face. To honest though he did try killing her first. I wanted to avoid this event since I "had nothing to wear" But Thankfully Vivienne's tailor knew exactly what I needed, she had made me this lovely draped black dress that swept and sparkled in the moonlight, even Dorian called me radiant in it. The deep scoop in the back showed off my scars for all to see, while I was uncomfortable after covering them for 12 years, I knew showing them might make anyone in the court think twice about attacking me. Who said they needed to know how I got them? Any uncertainties I had were covered by my mother's mask, the raven was out to play tonight, as I heard the whispers of the courtiers as we passed. They sounded impressed.  
        Good, But I wanted to impress only one man tonight though and he was next to me escorting us into the entrance. Cullen looked lovely in his military uniform such as I don't think I was the only one attracting people's attention. Well back away ladies, he was mine and no one else's. I gave him a soft smile he didn't want to be here as much as I did. We were not court people we'd rather be taking action on a battlefield. But as my Cousin so delightfully had told me is I was getting dressed for this, tonight was a battlefield. Of course, he was happy with Cassandra on his arm in formal uniform. I guess Vivienne could not talk her into a dress.

Josephine was next to us as we made our way to the gates, she was in a lovely gold number that suited her well.  
"now remember, The political situation here hangs by a thread, and the empress believes our presence here could sever it."  
She looked towards the gates "the grand duke is only too happy to have us at the ball as his guests, so our invitation comes from him. whether we act as his allies or upset the balance of power, he gains an opportunity... if not a clear advantage."

 

Duke Gaspard was waiting for us and by the look in his eyes, he liked my outfit just as well. If it is that good then it will be my advantage tonight.

"Inquisitor Trevelyan! it is an honor to meet you at last. the rumors coming out of the western approach say you battled an army of demons. imagine what the inquisition could accomplish with the full support of the rightful emperor of Orlais!"

I smiled the grand duke was just like all the rest, cocky and stuck up. it was not Tara meeting the duke tonight, the mask was in place, the raven was at play, "and which one was the rightful one again? I keep getting them confused."

He bowed, "The handsome, charming one, of course, my lady." he laughed slightly under his breath, " I am not one who forgets his friends, Inquisitor. You help me, I'll help you."  
We walked into the courtyard, "My lady, are you prepared to shock the court by walking into the grand ball with a hateful usurper? They will be telling stories of this into the next age."  


The Raven Loved the game, smart words and their dance at play in the halls of the winter palace, so many things I could do with my tongue here, one line, one action and you could finish them, "I can't imagine that crowd has seen anything better than us in their entire lives." I smiled hoping he bought my gusto, the only good thing his outfit could be was tinder. He should take a note from Cullen, who looked devastating in the military uniform that was picked out for him.

The duke, of course, was too caught up in himself to notice my lie, "You're a woman after my own heart, my lady. As a friend perhaps there is a matter that you could undertake this evening."   
ah here we go, knew there was something he wanted, "This elven woman, Briala. I suspect that she intends to disrupt the negotiations. My people have found these ambassadors all over the fortifications, sabotage seems to be the least of their crimes."   
I glanced at Cullen for a moment he seemed to be interested in the dukes suggestion, but... "Tell me there is more to your suspicions than, the elves were acting dodgy?" Useful to know about Briala, but he is trying to distract me,  the duke must have plans here too. his military mind most likely would not let him rest with out a backup plan.   
"That ambassador Briala used to be a servant of Célene's, that is before my cousin had her arrested for crimes against the empire to cover up a political mistake. If anyone in this room wishes Célene harm inquisitor, it's that elf. She certainly has reason." he sighed, " Be as discreet as possible I detest the game but if we do not play it well our enemies will make us look like villains. we're keeping the court waiting inquisitor. shall we?"

Yeah, and they can keep waiting I thought as Fennic and Alex came up behind us. “This thing itches” Fennic grunted as she adjusted her dress.  
"so at least they didn't shave most of your hair off... Again." Alex grumbled rubbing the sides of his head were his hair had been trimmed to the quick. the top and back was trimmed short and tousled. I thought he looked rather dashing.  
"I'll have you know that it's the latest fashion in tevene. But as a Tevinter you should know that." Dorian smirked walking by, he was the one that gave him the haircut.   
“Could be worse, you guys could be the person in charge of one of the largest organizations of recent times. Forced to play nice with some of the biggest...” I saw Josephine's glare "heh as you can see."  
"Yeah no thanks, I am going to check with my contacts.” she strode off in the emerald green number they had placed her in. I still cannot believe they got her into a dress, let alone a ball.

Alex Glanced Behind us with Cassandra on his arm. “Incoming.” and he turned.  
“Darling,” heard a cheer from behind me. I turned to see my great- aunt, she looked well in her navy blue gown and silver mask. Her pale hair gleamed in the moonlight. “And Alexander it’s been too long.” he bent over to let her kiss him on the cheek, “ I know Aunt Lucille.” he smiled. Everyone loved my aunt despite her eccentricities.“Aw, And you look so handsome” Alex was wearing a dark Blue tailcoat with silver embellishments. It was tailored well and matched his black pants.

“ It’s Orlais I had to,” His steel-blue eyes glanced to Cassandra next to him. they both felt the same on formal attire.  
Aunt Lucille glanced at both of them behind her mask her eyes matching Alex's own.  
"And your hair, it's so.. Radical." she smiled, "It suits you dear, keep it. Oh, and is that a Pentagast I see on your arm? She looks lovely."  
I saw a soft smile on Cassandra's face as Alex flushed " Yes, she is and I..."  
"Look at your face," Aunt Lucille was pulling out her handkerchief when I decided it was time to save him.

“Auntie. I didn’t think you would have come, with your own soiree to plan,” she wiped off Alex's face, much to his embarrassment.  
“Oh pish girl, you know me I always love a good party and this is the biggest one of the year. I couldn’t miss it for the world not when my favorite grand-niece and nephew are in attendance,”  She looked at Cullen who was still on my arm, being every bit the gentleman expected of an escort. if not a bit uncomfortable after that discussion with the duke.

    “And is this the Commander? He is everything you have told me about... and more. So, were you born in Kirkwall?” she asked putting her handkerchief away. Her ice blue eyes meeting, Cullen's own. as though my aunt thought she could probe his spirit. “No, mam. Honnleath.” he was calm, thankfully, under my great aunt's gaze. “Ah that's lovely, we must talk later commander about Ferelden life I am sure it was quite different than the free marches." She adjusted Alex's jacket, buttoning it around his middle. she never wanted us to look less than our best, regardless of our thoughts about the court. Cassandra seemed to be holding back her laughter, as he groaned. "Auntie I am sure Cullen does not want to talk about his past here in the heart of the game." I was doing nothing to save Alex from her keen eye for neatness, a Trevelyan never goes in looking less than his best as she would say. 

She glanced at Cullen before she continued, "Anyway, darling, I must warn you your father is in attendance tonight.”  
Cullen flashed a look of disgust for a moment, his grip tight around my arm, before he remembered where he was, it was not safe to show his anger here. It was not a safe to show anything here.  
 It had been eleven years and I had grown since then, I would not let my father control me anymore, “Auntie, you know I have grown beyond caring for my father, are Eve and the little ones alright?”   
she was still going over Cullen most likely trying to find anything out of place on his uniform, "You worry too much darling I have that well in hand you have no need to worry. And he looks so nice, you made sure that he knows everything now?”   
My aunt was probing, but at least she was being straight about it, "Yes, he knows."  
She nodded before she came to Cullen, adjusting his outfit, "Ah good, So Cullen I hope you enjoy yourself this evening since you do have my best grand-niece on your arm."  
Ok, now I was blushing, I knew it. Time to change the topic. “I must warn you, auntie, you might be in for a bit of a show tonight. Someone is planning to assassinate the queen.”  
She was straightening the boy's sashes, already treating Cullen like family. "Not a surprise, someone always wants to assassinate the queen. Anyone, we know?”  
I was happy she approved of Cullen, my aunt always had this doting mother streak in all the time I have known her, “Not someone you can fight with words, But they are going to strike tonight.”  
She shook her head softly, "of course they are, it's obvious, all of your rivals for power in one place. One quick strike and poof, you have power. This is why I prefer Markham..." her eyes widened as she looked towards the fountain "Oh, and look, there is Lily! I simply must talk with her, I'll see you inside." my aunt strode off towards the fountains, the bustles of her dress ruffling behind her. 

Our eyes followed her as she settled, chatting with a woman her age in a pale pink dress, Cullen glanced at me from her, “Are you sure you should read your aunt in on this inquisitor?” He muttered as we made nice with some of the guests passing by.  
“First I told you to call me Tara, Cullen. I may have rank now but I am still that woman you met back in Kirkwall. Also if anyone on the floor should be read in, it's my aunt, she is excellent at keeping a secret and getting information.” she always made her interrogations sound like a conversation and if she could keep the fact her grand niece is the raven of Kirkwall then she could keep this.  
Cullen still looked unsure, “Are you positive, Inqui- Tara?”   
I love this man but sometimes he worried too much, “Yes, Cullen. Stop worrying,” we walked into the foyer followed by my aunt who was still making conversation with Lily and one of the many dukes in attendance.   
Alex was right behind us with a wide grin on his face as he watched all the courtiers, with their eyes on the pair of us, "Yeah, don't worry Cullen. With the way, all the ladies are looking at you this evening. You will have no issue with playing the game." Alex said smiling running his hand through his fresh cut hair, still not used to it being short.  
I looked around noting, that some of ladies eyes in the crowd were drifting places on Cullen, that if they knew what I could do they would entirely forget about. "Well they better know he's taken," I glanced at Cullen, he gave me a soft smirk.   
"I'm sure they know that but then it has never stopped them before," Alex just had to be blunt.  
I glanced at Cullen, he looked stiffer than before. The idea of a swarm of women around him... there might be some dead Orlesians this evening, just not the queen. 

We entered the main hall waiting to be announced, Fennic had already drifted back to us looking pleased with the information she had gotten. hopefully she would share it with the rest of us. The announcer pulled out his scroll as we followed Gaspard on our way through the procession to meet the queen, "And now presenting, Grand Duke Gaspard De Chalons..."  Gaspard bowed to his cousin as the announcer continued, "and accompanying him, Lady Inquisitor Tara Adele Trevelyan, daughter of Bann Trevelyan of Ostwick, Vanquisher of the rebel mages of Ferelden, crusher of the vile apostates of the mage underground!  
"this guy writes better fiction than I do" Varric muttered behind us Vivienne just nudged him in the side, "Just remember to smile this is all for show my dears." the announcer continued on my many accomplishments as Cullen and I stood there at the start of the hall, "Co-founder of Fennic and Larks Company and Champion of the blessed Andraste herself!" Gaspard chuckled under his breath, "Did you see their faces? Priceless!"  
"Accompanying the inquisitor: Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath, Commander of the forces of the Inquisition, former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall." We started forward Cullen was as nervous as he could be being there on my arm, "Keep calm and Smile Cullen. Imagine all of them in their small clothes." He smiled then, I could tell he wanted to laugh. it always helped me when I was little but, This is just one night. Thank the maker. Cause despite being used to this, I was just as nervous as he was, just keeping it in better... I hope. The last time I was here I was 5 , visiting my grandparents, made a fool of myself in the garden fountain trying to get my doll back. Hopefully, this will better than then.  
"Madame Vivienne, first enchanter of the circle of magi, enchanter to the imperial court, mistress to the duke of Gislain.  
The Iron Bull, Leader of the famed mercenary company bulls chargers, as the name might imply.  
Lady Eda Roswyn Yagas, Co-founder of Fennic and Larks Company, information, protection, and goods all at rock bottom prices.  
Renowned author Varric Tethras, head of noble house Tethras, deshyr of Kirkwall to the dwarven merchants guild.  
Her ladyship Mai Bhalsych of Korse" Sera chuckled under her breath,  
"Seeker Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena..." Cassandra grumbled, "get on with it!"  
"Pentagast, fourteenth cousin to the king of Navarra, nine times removed, Hero of Orlais, right hand of the divine." Alex and Cassandra came down the stairs looking like they almost belonged together, "Alex Mortimer Trevelyan, cousin of the inquisitor and the Inventor of Treve's Magic Salve, for all of your magical burns and itches." he couldn't keep his eyes off her, good for them.  
"Lord Dorian Pavus, Member of the circle of Vyrantium, son of Lord Magister Halward Pavus of Asariel.  
the lady inquisitor's elven serving man, Solas.  
Lady Liliana, Nightingale of the imperial court, Veteran of the Fifth Blight. Seneschal of the inquisition and left hand of the divine.  
Warden Blackwall of Val chevin, constable of the gray and bearer of the silverite wings of valor And Lady Josephine Cherrette Montilyet of Antiva City. Ambassador of the Inquisition. "

It was time to meet the queen I could only hope this went well....

  


* * *

Of course she didn't take us seriously. who would... 'yes you are the target of an eons old magister's minion who plans to kill you tonight.', and I couldn't even say it like that. non, ma mere would be very upset if I did. Cullen was keeping watch in the corner, leaving me to take down a swig of punch.  time to get to business, I started towards the gardens, but not before I caught Josie talking to someone over by the dance floor banister, her voice got louder as I moved closer,  "tell me, Yvette, how are mama and papa? are they in good health? do they want for anything?"

the young woman, Yvette, had a heavy antivan accent as she spoke, "Papa's perfectly happy in the studio, mother is the same as always."

Josephine smiled, "meaning she is after you to do more work."

"you always take her side." Yvette huffed, as Josephine shook her head, "I don't take her side I just happen to think as she does, that you could attend to more of the estate duties. also do stop slouching."

the young woman noticed me as I passed, "Josephine! oh Josephine, is this her?  
Josie sighed " Inquisitor, please allow me to present to you my younger sister, Yevette Gabriella Montillyet."

So she has siblings... I looked at Josie, she for once seemed to not be enthused. I smirked this could be fun, "There can never be too many lady Montillyet's in Thedas can there?"

Her sister giggled "Inquisitor I have heard so much about you, but not as much as I want. Josephine always writes but she never tells me anything. Is it true? That the rebel mages in Redcliffe were performing blood rites and orgies before you stopped them?"

Josephine was aghast, "where did you hear such nonsense?"

"Everyone in Antiva says so. is it true?" Yevette was watching me intently, to hang on my every word. I couldn't help myself, "of course every word especially the parts where everyone was nude."

Yevette smiled, "I knew it!", her voice filled with adulation as Josie groaned at my humor. She gave me headaches it was my turn to give her some. I asked her sister the one question you never wanted to hear asked of family, "This may be my only chance to hear about Josie when she was a little girl."

Yevette beamed, "Oh! yes has she told you about the time when she was ten and--"

Josie was staying calm, so far, "Yevette stop."

Yevette pondered looking for another memory, "Fine, what about the time when we were climbing the cliffs by the --"

Another sharp "No" came from Josie.

Yevette came with another, "she once told the Duke of--"

J "Absolutely not." Josie was losing patience.

"humph." Yevette grumbled before she whispered to me loudly, "She still plays with her doll collection when no one's looking!"

Josie was panicked then, "Yevette! That's... Absurd, Abosolutely preposterous!"

Yevette was snickering at her sister's denial of her hobby, her panic making it absolutely true, But I should move on. "I'll see you two later." I waved as Josie's sister replied, "Another time." I slowly made my way through the crowd to where Sera had made her lair, covered with frilly cakes and generous helpings of punch.

Sera was talking to me the moment I reached her table, relaxed and excited in a room full of her favorite targets, "Crotch Rot, Beats his squire. He's a She. has a bastard. Extra toes. What a fun, close marrying crowd."  
I chuckled; happy to hear someone is enjoying this, "Making any new friends?"   
she laughed as well, "Not likely. I'm watching them watch you. they're all glances and titters. not sure if they are allowed to like you yet. Pathetic."  
I agree, entirely, to be honest, if I didn't promise my mother to be true to myself, I most likely would be like these people. Married to someone I hated with 2 kids for the sake of the family, Ugh just like my father wanted. At least Cullen... was not like that. He didn't want me for my name or title I am sure. Sera stared at me, I felt a bit awkward with her staring like she was trying to see what I was thinking, "Soo, Sera any thoughts on who we're investigating?"   
She shook her head and picked up one of the many frilly cakes she had proffered, "The empress is pretty, it'd be fun to drink and kill stuff with Gaspard. Briala is frigging funny. Elves, Elves, Elves, but really it's a pissing match with an old lover. Don't know the rest, but that explains a lot." she shrugged, "They're all lying, but Célene is nice to look at. good thing we are here to save her neck."  
I picked up a cake for myself, I had been so long since I have had a good frilly cake. the only thing I missed from my days as a girl... Sweets, "and any hidden treasures from 'friends' of your little network?" I muffled as I started on the frilly cake.   
"You mean do any of the servants ferrying tarts between these windy tits hate them enough to give up a stash or two? I'm not saying yes but" she paused in mock thought 'oh wait yes I am. there's some good stuff hidden around. Keep an eye out."   
Nice, surprises. "be back soon then" I nodded picking up another frilly cake. she shook her head, muffling "not going anywhere." I smiled, good, "if you stop by the kitchens again get the chef's frilly cake recipe for me, these are addicting." All I could hear was her laughter as I walked off. I finished the cake brushing myself off first stop the garden very few people should see me there, and if I remember one of the trellises led to the upper sealed off level. I Just had to not be noticed.

 I made my way towards the garden catching sight of Iron bull munching down on some of the snacks that had been provided, I took a detour making my way towards him past the gawking nobles, jesting at his presence here, I met his eye as he finished one of the nuts he had proffered, "You got anything that needs killing? because the nobles are messing with me and they think I don't know that they are doing it. this keeps up, I'm going to be wearing somebody's skull as my fancy little mask."  
I chuckled, that would be a sight, but no, "Not yet iron bull can you look at this with the eyes of a Ben-Hassrath for me, and tell me what you see."  
he looked around, ”eh, it's a mess. everyone is trying so hard to hide that they're walking around in plumage, makes it tough to spot the dangerous lies, as opposed to the normal stuff." his eye glanced over at a couple on the far wall "Oh but that couple over there with the silver masks? the woman is doing one of the nobles and the guy is doing two different servants."   
I glanced around at the other courtiers in the hallway, "so nothing has caught your eye?"   
I asked hoping that he at least saw something, he just licked his lips, "They've got these candied nuts with some kind of spice on them. it's sweet until you swallow, and then Bam, Hot! Also, Orlais has some fine looking redheads I go more for the servants personally, Less Makeup." He was about to go on till he met my eyes, I definitely didn't have time to hear about his love life right now; maybe in a tavern later but not right now. " But uh nothing on the assassins though."   
I sighed, "alright I'll talk to you later, Bull."  
He nodded "I'll just stay here and eat."  
No one here had any info hopefully the garden led to more... results. I walked out to the garden, Almost everyone was too busy in their conversations to notice me as I snuck to the back of it, feeling sorry for the roses as I tucked one side of my skirt into my garter, thankful no one was watching as I ascended. I still wish I could have had my boots not these ridiculous heels, most likely made for torture. I must not be gone long since it will be noticed if I was missing, damn notoriety and all being the herald….

  


  


* * *

  


  
I was about to descend when I saw one of the comtes eyeing the roses, Ducking behind the railing I waited, hoping he would leave soon. until I heard my Great aunt’s calling his name, pulling him into a conversation. Thankful for her in that moment I descended before he could turn back to look at them, pulling my dress off some of the thorns when I reached the bottom. That was close, hopefully, no one saw the herald of andraste climbing on the queen's roses.  
I should see if the others spotted something, that was until, “Tara, Darling.” My aunt joined me in the corner, “I must discuss an important matter with you” she glanced down at my skirt still a bit tousled from the climbing, “ that’s once you have cleaned up from your expedition in the study.”   
I shook my head, of course, she noticed. “I take it you saw auntie, what is it you want to discuss?”  
She gave me a meaningful look, handing me some punch. “I want to discuss your Cullen. Why is it after 10 years you have not asked for more from him, I mean he knows everything now. I would think my grand niece would know how to deal with this.”  
I took a sip of the spiced punch, I was going to need it for this conversation, “I will not rush him, auntie, If he wants to wait I will wait.”   
She shook her head, “Didn’t your mother tell you to follow your heart, I know you know how to do it, sweetie. After all, All Trevelyan women know how to manage their men.” We walked into the garden as she continued mothering me, “I mean look at my late fiancé.”   
She fussed with my gown, still wrinkled from climbing the trellis, “Which one auntie?” I asked remembering the past five.  
She brushed off her gloves as I sipped my punch, “Oh yes we do tend to wear them out so. But it looks like your Cullen is in for the long haul. A bit sturdy perhaps.” she gave me a meaningful look as she continued, "after all if you do not secure him soon, I might consider myself a pursuer.”  
I gave her a wide grin as I pictured that… Hunt, “Auntie, He has only been formally courting me for a few months.”   
She scoffed. “That has never stopped me dear girl… you are already 10 years invested, either close the matter or pursue another subject.” She looked across the garden as I took another sip of the spiced punch, “Like that gentleman, He seems to have a large fortune and by the looks of him, he can dress himself.” She had pointed out Dorian, “Odd facial hair perhaps but you could change that,” I almost made a mess of myself with the punch from laughter. “My dear is there something wrong with your beverage?”  
She looked at me concerned as I pulled out my handkerchief, “Not at all Auntie,” I coughed, trying to hide my smile with the small cloth, “I think I will go see if that gentleman will be interested in Conversation.”   
She nodded taking some punch for herself, placing my glass on the tray, “Remember your manners dear and if he offers a dance take it.”

Somehow I doubt that auntie I thought, I started walking towards Dorian hoping that none of the punch had gotten on my dress. He was eyeing one of the more fetching nobles when I had gotten to him, acting surprisingly relaxed for being here.   
He glanced over the man’s body before turning to me, ”This is all so familiar. I half expect my mother to materialize from the crowd to criticize my manners.”   
I smiled thinking of the previous conversation; mine was here in a way already, ”What if your mother were actually here? where would we be then?”   
He straightened his mustache, “Short one mage, as he is dragged out by his earlobe.”   
I chuckled for a moment at that thought, a grown man being pulled out of the winter ball by his mother for ogling, “I am having difficulty picturing that.”   
he scoffed, grabbing some punch from a passing tray “Then picture me a young boy of about 5 years then, she certainly always has.”  
I smiled, he was relaxed, wishing I could be the same, ”So, is this how the elite in Tevinter carry on?” I asked curiously, could be why he was so relaxed.  
”You could almost mistake this for a soiree in the imperium. The same double dealing, elegant poison, canapés... it's only lacking a few sacrificial slaves and some blood magic." he paused "but, the night is still young." I thought of the blood mages at adamant and the wild crazed looks they had filled with such power, a chill running down my spine at the thought.  
I needed a drink, grabbing some more punch, “Yes, well, if there is blood magic I am out of here. I have had enough of that for a lifetime.”  
Dorian glanced towards the hall, “At least you have a lovely ex-Templar here to protect you.” he looked at me suggestively, Not him too.  
I tried to laugh it off and play coy as I sipped the glass, ” I don't know who you might be referring to Dorian,” He looked down at me obviously calling my bluff, our secret was the worst kept thing in the inquisition, I needed to change the topic before this became another ‘why have you not made it official with Cullen conversation’, ”Have you seen anything I should know about, Dorian?”  
He glanced at the crowd sipping the punch as he leaned against the planter off to his side, “Besides the fresh shade of red on your cheeks or the overabundance of lavender perfume on the guests?” he paused, pretending to think “No, nothing, extraordinary. but I'll be ready for your signal, provided this spicy punch isn't as strong as it seems.”   
I smiled, my tolerance after all these years had grown, this punch was nothing but, then they had to be drunk to let an ex-criminal and a Tevinter mage in here, ”Still can't believe they let us in here with our reputations.”   
Dorian gestured with his hand at the over the top gentleman across from us dressed in bright pastels, ”Let us In, I am surprised they let that in. Did you see what that marquis is wearing? That suit is a greater crime than anything you have ever done.”  
I have always appreciated Dorian’s honesty. I was so used to the double-dealing of the night that his presence here was refreshing, “Yes, well I still appreciate that you were willing to come here.”  
He threw his arms wide, the punch shaking in his glass, “And expose myself to all this exquisite finery and exotic wines?” He paused, bringing his arms into brush some dirt off his shoulder, ”Such Hardship.”  
I shook my head, of course, he was enjoying this, “not everyone is likely to be friendly, that's all I meant.”  
Dorian’s eyes met mine as I finished my glass, “It's true. you'd think I smelled of rotten cabbages, the way they wrinkle their noses.” he drained his glass, before he continued, “It's of no concern, but thank you.”   
I nodded I should be getting back to business, ”Alright Dorian try not to get too drunk while I am gone" I smiled placing my empty glass on one of the passing trays, he swiped another drink, ”You ask so much of me.” 

Varric was on the other side of the crowd, surrounded by a group of ladies, with books for him to sign. One even looks like the queen’s handmaiden. I was not surprised at this point if the queen was a fan, “excuse me, ladies, I think the charming author needs a break. Even he needs to try some of the delicious food,” I quickly led Varric away as his fans sighed, once we were far away from the ladies I grabbed two of the delicious canapés from a tray, handing one to Varric, “I hope I wasn’t bothering you Varric it seemed like you needed a break,” He looked up at me, “not at all,” I handed him some punch as well, this place was not dwarf friendly, “So, Having fun boss? I always enjoy canapés while surrounded by people who want to kill me. ”I smiled down at him taking a bite of my canapé washing it down with my punch,” Oh, yes. I always enjoy fighting off my great aunt’s questions about my relationships, are you having fun, Varric?“  


Varric scoffed, “Ha, My brother used to throw galas like this in Kirkwall. I always tried to avoid them. I'm Not much of a dancer these days.”  
I glanced back at his fans, “well it seems you have many admirers among the nobility, Varric. I will not be surprised If they do ask you to dance.” I gave him another glass of punch, from a passing tray. “I didn't know my books sold so well in Orlais. I'm going to have a chat with my publisher.” And I didn't want to be present if his tales of her were correct, “So, Have you heard anything I should know about? The girls must have done some gossip while asking you to sign their collections.”

Varric glanced around before he replied, smart considering our location, “To be honest. Nothing much. but you wouldn't expect for anything to happen out in the open. Everyone is on edge, and it's not just that they're worried about the war.”  
That figures, "Alright then, we'll chat later just wait for the signal."  


Varric nodded "Just give the word, Lark. And I’ll be ready to move."

  


* * *

Wonderful I had met Briala and there is definitely more going on than we first thought, the servants quarters was filled with dead bodies and venatori..... Figures. made my way quickly to Blackwall seeking some distraction.

For some reason he seemed to welcome my intrusion as I pulled him away from the drunk noble, "I'm Ready for anything, just give the word."  
Really? Good to know, "so what do you think about all the scheming and politics, Blackwall?"  
Blackwall grumbled, "I think I rather be anywhere else. Let's save the empress and get back to where things make sense. Say what you want about Célene's ascension. She stole the throne? She seduced her way to it? who cares? In the years since she's proven she is the perfect mix of strength cunning and grace that Orlais needs."  
Maybe his award sways him a little why has he not mentioned it? "so... Silverite wings of valor? what did you get that for?"  
Blackwall looked away, "For" paused as though in deep thought "Valor." he doesn't remember or he doesn't know?, "Care to elaborate?"  
Blackwall snapped, entirely unlike himself, "It was a long time ago. Back when we didn't stop to boast about past victories when there was an assassin on the loose." hmm... I want to know more but i am not going to push it right now."What's the word? seen anything yet?"   
He glanced at me "Nine different ladies and six gentlemen have asked Cullen to dance. I think he has received two offers of marriage." he nudged me "He might need a bodyguard" 

Yes but i need to check with Cole first though. "alright then wait for my signal." as I drifted off towards the corner where I saw Cole muttering, despite our work he did this still from time to time,  I moved close hearing, his soft voice murmuring, “The faces talk even when they aren't moving. silk on satin on skin, always wanting, chaste but chased, too many.”  


I placed my hand on his shoulder, "Are you alright Cole? you seem distracted. well more than usual."  
he frowned, "they have faces behind their faces, lying with a layer that tells the truth. I don't know how to help them.”  
“To be honest I don’t either Cole” he looked off towards the grand hall, his hands twitching, "What are you doing Cole?”  
Cole paused still looking towards the hall, "A fallen Fan can cut like a kiss, hot breath from the wrong boy on the naked nape of the neck. I helped till they made me stop."  
Of course he did, “OK, have you observed anything happening yet?” I wonder if Cullen is alright?  
Cole looked down and glanced back to me, "Cullen is afraid. They're hunting him, following fear. He shouldn't be here."  
As always Cole struck to the heart of the matter, peering into my thoughts, but I was thankful for this probe for once. Cullen filled my mind, I shouldn't have left him alone. The court can be worse than those desire demons at the circle. I lifted my skirt to take off, "stay out of trouble Cole" I had no time to hear what he said as I rushed off to the grand hall to save Cullen from the vultures of the ballroom, Courtiers.

  


When I had arrived I saw that he was surrounded by them "smile commander, you look so beautiful when you smile" one of the ladies cooed as one of the gentlemen commented "and just as good when he doesn't"

Cullen was calm but stiff, this was definitely bothering him, his eyes pleaded when he saw me coming towards him, "Inquisitor!... Tara, Did you need something? the sooner we track down this infiltrator the better."   
The courtiers didn't know how to take Cullen's use of my name some were interested and others wanted to; most likely, toss me out right there, "You've attracted a following. who are all these people?" the group had him surrounded, I would be stiff too if I was in his position, but with what happened to him, he must have it worse,  
"I don't know, But they won't leave me alone." He told me a bit panicked.  
I slowly lead him away from the crowd of tittering nobles, anything to keep him from more nightmares. "so you are not enjoying the attention then?" trying to distract him.  
He looked back at the crowd I had retrieved him from, seeing one of the young ladies wave at him, quickly looking away as we watched the dancers on the floor. We backed into the corner, most likely to get out of the line of fire of the flirtatious girls, "Hardly, Anyway, yours" he cleared his throat and whispered, "Yours is the only attention worth having." his soft smile in that statement, I enjoyed it, the thought I could still make him smile after everything. after he knew everything. I sighed, how appropriate that we were here, together. my mother met father here, the father that loved her and his children....  
"I don't suppose you'd save a dance for me?" the phrase just slipped out, did I want to dance? did he?  
"No, thank you," he replied solemnly  
"Oh," I guess not,  
"No! I didn't mean to.. Maker's breath! I have answered that question so many times I'm rejecting it automatically." he looked embarrassed, were we anywhere else I am sure he would be rubbing the back of his head by now, " I'm not one for dancing, The Templars never attended balls."  
"I was not one for attending balls either, last time I was here I was 5 and lost my doll in the garden fountain. Instead of asking for help, I jumped in and got it myself. leaving my dress soaked and a very unhappy Nanny." I smiled with him as we watched the dance, "I guess I should check out those rumors, hopefully, you can find some enjoyment tonight." I drifted towards the hall watching him return to his 'post'. hopefully feeling better than before.

* * *

* * *

I watched her as she glided across the floor with Florienne, why did I turn her down. I am sure I could learn. “Tell me commander are you married?” one of the more forward younger women had asked, not that I had not rebuffed her several times already, "No” I glanced back a Tara, “but I am already taken.” Sadly, she was deterred by this looking like for the nth time she was going to ask me to dance, I was thankful when I heard, “Excusez moi s'il vous plait, May I borrow the commander” It was Tara’s Great Aunt. Thankful for the excuse to get away from the throng of tittering nobles.

"Pardon me," I said following tara's great aunt as far as possible from that nightmare. I still was not sure what was worse, the desire demons, or them. we were in the farthest corner of the ballroom before she turned to watch the dance, “Is there something you wanted to speak of lady Trevelyan?” I asked.  
She glanced at me behind her silver mask before her eyes returned to following Tara's graceful movements on the dance floor, She slipped her mask off and her mood changed,“Yes, what are your intentions towards my Grand niece?”   
Her serious tone after all of her gossip this evening was a little unsettling, “Honorable I assure you.”   
She gave a sharp nod as she dusted off some parts of her masque, I noted the soft embroidered flowers at the edges, like the frills of her personality earlier that evening, “Good, she has had so much pain in life she deserves happiness wherever she can find it.” she glanced over at the proud man over in the corner, he had his hands behind his back giving Cullen a piercing gaze before turning back to the dance floor, following Tara’s every step, “Sadly her father…” She looked back at me, as I thought the man in the bronze mask was her father, “He fails to Acknowledge that.”   
I watched her father as he turned back to a comte and a younger man, “Yes, I heard. He does not approve of me.” the piercing gaze he had aimed on me all evening could have told me that.  
“He never does unless he has picked them" she adjusted her glove, " and if he does, she rebuffs them.” she sighed for a moment “She deserves a dance here.”  
“Why? I cannot Dance.”  
she gazed at Tara , her eyes glazed over as though reliving a memory, “This is where her mother first met my nephew.”   
That explains why she looked disappointed after she left, but she never mentioned it, “I wish I had met her mother, she sounds like a wonderful woman.”   
Lady Trevelyan glanced at me, "yes, she was, Tara is very much like her mother. with her attitude, humor, and not much love for the grand game."  
"I don't know about that mam, she seems quite at home here."  
She shook her head, "that's not her, that's the raven. Tara is the one behind the mask." she turned keeping her Piercing blue eyes on me, “Ser Rutherford, How much do you know about orlesian masks?”   
I kept my eyes on her great aunt, “Not much I'm afraid mam.”   
She nodded as though I confirmed her suspicions, “you see, they believe that you should never show your true self; your face, except to those you trust.” She started fiddling with the ribbon of her mask.  
“so what you mean to say is when she is behind that mask she is a different person?”   
She smiled turning back to watch her grand niece, “no, no She is still the woman who loves you. She just developed this personality when her mother passed. A kind of shadow of herself,” she sipped her punch,”But when she got free of her father, she needed to separate those parts of herself, to be truly her. Thus the raven was born and the means to keep her true face.”

Her eyes went to Tara for a moment before She straightened her dress “Now I must fix this. Come for a moment commander.”  
“Where are we going?”  
“We are going for a short dance lesson.” she smiled, I saw where Tara got her grin.

* * *

After the announcements of the alliance and knowing Briala was appeased, Everyone was finally starting to relax, I even spotted Alex leading Cassandra out to one of the balconies, I hoped it went well as they both deserved something good in this mess. I had to take care of Duchess Florienne right there in front of the entire court. I couldn't let her weasel her way out of attempted assassination and treason. I looked down at my mask, I needed some time to myself, Thankfully the tittering nobles were too enraptured by the night's scandal to notice me sneaking out to one of the other overlooks.  
I noted a presence off to my left as I exited the hall. "The orlesian nobility make drunken toasts to your victory, and yet you are not present to hear them?" it was Morrigan, I followed her with my eyes as she made her way next to me, "do you tire so quickly of their congratulations, inquisitor? 'tis most fickle after all your efforts on their behalf."  
Not their behalf, never them, this was for Thedas. if not for this I would not have killed that woman, I would not be here. But justice had to be done and I was the only one to do it. put on your mask for a few more minutes Tara, then you can be human once more. I shook my head clearing my thoughts, "Would have stayed, but the punch ran dry, scandalous."  
She let out a laugh at that, "Indeed? let us see if you take this piece of news as poorly." she fiddled with her glove." By imperial decree, I have been named liaison to the inquisition. Celene wishes to offer you any and all aid, including mine, Congratulations"  
Lovely. I knew enough not to ask questions, I was tired of all of this, and any questions I had can wait til later, "Welcome to the inquisition then, Morrigan." sighed just wanting it to be over.

"A most gracious response, I shall meet you at Skyhold" she nodded and made her way from me, not that I was relieved to see my father striding through the doorway. "We need to talk, daughter," he spat holding back his rage, at least being here at the palace was good for something.  
I shook my head, "Father if you want to talk to me then talk but please Take the mask off. It doesn't suit you. your face is stony enough as it is." it was the same mask he wore with my mother, and he was no longer that loving man, he was unworthy of it.  
The glare that came from his cold blue-green eyes as he took off the bronze mask.  
I knew this look the last time I saw this was right before I got my scars, "How could you! Stabbing the Duchess right in the middle of winter palace! This is not how justice is served!"  
"She was trying to kill the queen and When has justice ever been pretty, father? It had to be done, you told me that once. You remember? Quand tu m'as donné ces cicatrices!"  
"Vous osez m'accuser de ne pas être juste, I gave you every chance to come back redeem yourself but now Any chances you had are now ruined!"  
He never could see the truth of it, could he? "Any chances you gave me father were not chances at all, Just prison sentences under different terms!"  
He didn't give me time to continue, "Enough, I'm Done with you. Consider yourself no longer my Daughter, no longer a Trevelyan."  
"I am more a Trevelyan than you think, Maybe One Day you will see that," I said as he replaced the mask, the mask he wore with my loving mother. "Walk in the Maker's Grace, Bann Trevelyan," I sighed as he made his way off the balcony, leaving me to my thoughts.

I was free of him, finally.   
But then why do I feel so empty? I got what I wanted but, I just wished He had just apologized and accepted that I was who I was. Instead, he wanted to be rid of me, I looked down at the mask, will there ever be a day when I will no longer need to hide? I was exhausted, It had been a long night even without this and morgan's aid in future.   
I heard soft footsteps from behind me, "There you are..."  
"Cullen, you don't need to pretend I am sure you heard."  
"Yes, I did, are you sure you don't want to interrogate him?"  
"Why to see if he has more ammunition? Josie and Liliana are free to if they want, but..." he put his arm around me softly, "Thank you, Cullen, but like he said he was done with me and I'll leave it at that." He was beside me now, wiping my tears. why was I crying? I should be happy. the flow ebbed as I wiped my eyes.  
He pulled me close "well things have finally calmed down for the moment, is everything else alright?"  
"I'm just a bit worn out... tonight has been very long." I glanced at him his face was calm with a twinkle of concern in his eyes."  
"For all of us, I'm glad it's over.", even though he said that I Could not stop thinking about everything that has happened. who ever thought fate would lead me down this path... soft romantic music started playing in the ballroom, Cullen turned to glance back at the hall, "I know it's foolish but I was worried about you tonight." I wished I had something to say right now, just something to say that I will be alright but...  
We heard clapping from the ballroom in response to the music, he got up from the edge to look at me and smiled softly, "I may never have another chance like this, so I must ask."he bowed slightly and offered his hand to me, "May I have this dance, my lady?"  
Really, here?  
"of course, I thought you said you couldn't dance?" I accepted his hand as he said, "Tara, for you, I'll try."  
He put his arm around my waist. We were so close as we started to dance. It was awkward at first, I could tell he was new to this, I wondered to myself who taught him as we chuckled and tripped over each other. Eventually, we settled into a rhythm, twirling around the empty balcony in a simple, fluid dance. The feeling of his hands entwined with mine filled me with warmth. As we spun and swayed to the music I couldn't help but watch his face, it was peaceful for once in a long time we could just, be. we slowly drew close to one another. I leaned against his hard chest and rested my head on his shoulder. our dance came to slow stop as the music ended. but I couldn't part from him. he seemed to be the one steady thing that was in my life all these years. I looked up and met his amber eyes, they shined in the soft moonlight, he looked into the hall for a moment, no one had noticed us. They all seemed to go on as though nothing had happened a half hour ago.  
he leaned into me he took my lips, his kiss, slow, gentle. Maddeningly sweet. And was over far too quickly.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently suffering Writers Block will return as soon as the muse hits me.
> 
>  
> 
> Translations
> 
>    
> Quand tu m'as donné ces cicatrices!- when you gave me these scars!  
> Vous osez m'accuser de ne pas être juste!- You Dare accuse me of not being just!


End file.
